Advice

Sex Advice From Sexy Sax Players

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"Playing saxophone is all about precision, timing, and finesse with your fingers, mouth, and tongue…"

James, 28

of 6Figures, Tim Blane

What's the best way to hit on a sax player?
The best way to hit on any musician is not to be the one who's like "OhmygodIwishIcouldbewithyouallthetime! Sign my titties!" I get that a lot. Treat a musician like a real person. Treat them like someone you know. Because supergroupies get treated like supergroupies. Most musicians don't want to get with the groupies who seem like they're crazy.

But crazy girls are better in bed.
Yes, but they also turn out to be stalkers. And that usually causes a problem. I'm not a huge fan of stalkers — I've had a couple.

If the saxophone was a sex position, what would it look like?
A dude standing up, and a girl down, hands on the ground, but with her head up and tilted back.

Are you pulling her hair to keep her head up?
Yeah.

What music would you put on if you invited a girl into your bedroom?
You could always play some Emily King, just because it feels that good. If you're trying to get into that space, you can't really go wrong with D'Angelo. And Maxwell.

How often do your sexy sax skills result in you having sexy sex?
This is going to sound really interesting: I've tried my best not to be someone who has a whole lot of one-night-stands. I'm not a huge fan of them. Doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Doesn't mean it won't happen again. I just try to be cognizant.

Why hate on the one-night-stand?
It's not that I'm a hater. It's just that, there's a whole lot of shit out there. Diseases, craziness.

Okay, you have a history with crazy girls.
I have a history with some craziness. Enough history that I can spot them from afar.

Can you elaborate on the warning signs of crazy from afar?
Extremely irrational thinking, and they usually have this look in their eye. Hyper-aggressive meets paranoid.

Do I have it?
You don't have that look. You do have a look. But not quite that one. You have a twinge of it.

That's good news for my future. Okay: I'm a young, fun, pretty New York City girl. Wait, no. I live in Brooklyn, I'm kind of a homebody, and I really dislike the idea of meeting people in bars. But I do want to meet someone. How do I find suitable men?
Depends on the type of guys you're looking for. If you're looking for someone just to get it with, you can always come down to Rockwood and see somebody play and just give them the eye.

It's that easy?
It is kind of that easy, as long as you don't have those crazy-ass eyes.

I used to hook up with girls all the time, randomly — one-night stands, friends of friends, you name it. Now I'm more settled, but recently I realized I haven't been with anyone in an entire year. Have I matured? Or have I lost my sex drive?
You're probably ready to settle down with someone and not just be out there with whoever. No one really loses interest in sex. It's a bit too innate for us to be like, "Ahh, I forgot what to do. Things just don't work anymore."

Actually, at some point, James, your penis will not work anymore.
That's not true. There are technologies and medical science. No, no.

I just wanted to point it out.
Stop that. Stop that.

Paula, 48

of Melvin Van Peebles Wid Laxative, Burnt Sugar, Rev. Vince Anderson & The Love Choir

What's the best way to hit on a sax player? You, in particular.
I think flattery is a good place to start. Flattery and gifts. A lot of people offer to buy me a drink, but I don't really drink, so that's always a bad way to hit on me. But if someone wants to offer me a hit on a joint, that's progress. Cab fare, that's a good one too.

If the saxophone were a sex position, what would it look like?
I guess it would have to be related to fellatio in some way. Maybe the position would be a man being fellated. Let's put him in a yogic, chakra-asana, full-wheel position, being fellated and yelling out with joy. Not that I've ever had sex with a yogi.

Why are sax players better in bed?
We use our mouths and our fingers, practicing for hours and hours and develop special, unique muscles for playing the saxophone. We must have some advantages over non-saxophone players..

What music would you turn on if you invited a man into your bedroom?
I've been listening to a lot of psychedelic, groovy music. I recently rediscovered this band called The Necks, from Australia. I like instrumental music a lot. That's the kind I like listening to when I have sex.

I live in Brooklyn. I'm kind of a homebody, and I really dislike the idea of meeting people in bars. But I do want to meet someone. Where do I go or how do I find suitable men?
Go to a live music show, because people are often dancing. I'm sure that's what's happening under my nose as I'm playing music, trying to create art. I feel like half the time these people are just trying to get laid. You get to hear some music, but there are a whole lot of young sexy people. Sometimes it seems as if an orgy is about to break out in the room!

Are you a relationship person?
For a long time I wasn't in a steady relationship and I pitied people who were, because it seemed they were always enduring some tribulation or worrying that they were about to break up. I'm happy in a relationship now, though. There are pros and cons to both.

I'm sleeping with a guy who always begs me to let him come on my chest. I'm totally not into it. How can we compromise?
I predict that your gentleman friend is under the age of forty, and I think that this practice of wanting to come outside of a woman's vagina and on some part of her body is a result of the money shot from porn. Because I'm forty-eight, I've had sex with a lot of older guys and a lot of younger guys, so I can really note a lot of different styles. You could try checking out some vintage porn, where it doesn't include that money shot so much. Or you could trade him in and get an older lover, because they don't really go for that.

Fascinating. This question will also relate to trends in pornography: what's your stance on pubic hair?
I rock it and it works out for me these days. I once had a lover whom I asked, "Do you prefer a shaved pussy or a hairy pussy?" And he said, "Open."

Greg, 26

of Turkuaz

What's the sexiest way to hit on a sexy sax player?
Ooh. Well, first thing is come to the show. I dance a lot onstage, so if you're clearly eyeing me and I'm also dancing…

…you're almost dancing together. Got it. If the saxophone were a sex position, what would it look like?
I guess the 69 position is a little bit like it. You're curled up kind of funny, and you've got your mouth in some weird places.

Why are sax players better in bed?
Playing saxophone is all about precision, timing, and finesse with your fingers, mouth, and tongue. I've studied saxophone for years, and that's helped me, very nicely, on my quest.

How often do your sexy sax skills result in you having sexy sex? Any groupie stories?
They come around sometimes. I guess my most recent groupie story is, I was sitting in with a band, and I traveled up to Burlington, Vermont. They're an older group of guys who have a following. I definitely had a little fun on that trip. Right after the show this girl came up to me and started calling me "sexy sax man." If girls think saxophone is sexy, that's awesome. It didn't result in sex, but we had a good little make-out in the basement and green room in the club. I mean, the guys were egging me on.

I'm sleeping with a guy who always begs me to let him come on my chest. I'm totally not into it. How can we compromise?
I mean, how do you feel about come on your back?

Oh boy.
It's not as bad.

Why not?
It's not, like, in your face as much. It's a little less demeaning.

But that means we're doing it from behind. Is that not a little demeaning?
That's true, I hear that. But, some girls really like doggy-style, and you can always turn your head, or use a mirror. Sex in front of a mirror is very good, because then both partners can see exactly what's going on.

I concur. It's like watching porn while having sex. Next question: I'm kind of a homebody, and I really dislike the idea of meeting people in bars. But I do want to meet someone. Where do I go or how do I find suitable men?
I hear that. It's hard. Most of my life is at work or playing shows at bars, where you don't always meet the girls you actually want to hang out and get down with. Part of it is meeting friends of friends. You've got to have a guy friend out there who has got a few buddies hanging around somewhere. Throw a house party.

How do you feel about long-distance relationships?
If you can make it work, and it will make you happy and your partner happy, then yeah. It's hard. You've got to figure out how to get some phone sex going on.

Skype sex is better.
Get that camera on.