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August 17, 2011
Sex Advice from Sidewalk Canvassers
Q: "Why are sidewalk canvassers better lovers?" A: "We're taught to listen. Good sex is all about listening."
By Amanda Green
Nick, 24
Has sidewalk canvassing changed the way you would approach dating/meeting people?
I'm in a long-term relationship, but I can see how it'd help me if I were single. I spend all day talking to strangers, so it's made me more socially aware. It's easier to talk to people. I put myself out there all the time, and I'm rejected probably ten times for every one time someone stops to talk to me. And then there are people who stop to talk to me and don't end up donating, like, ahem, you.
Sorry about that. Dating sounds easier than sidewalk canvassing.
Retention rates for canvassers are low. You have to be committed. I'm paid to represent a charity. If people aren't donating, all I'm doing is taking money from the cause.
People must ask you out on the job.
Oh, yeah. Mostly men. I talk primarily to them, because I initially wasn't comfortable approaching women.
Why?
There's a lot of flirting on the job. Maybe not how I do it, but how others do it. We're taught to mirror the other person's energy. So if someone's flirtatious with us, we send back that same vibe. If someone's slow-talking, we slow down to make them feel more comfortable. Same with high energy.
That's so applicable to dating.
Everything we do is. The other day, I stopped a man in the rain. He was filling out the form, and when he saw the space for the phone number, he said, "I don't give a number, unless I get a number." And he batted his eyes. So I gave him my email.
Did he email?
He hasn't.
I was hoping he sent you some sexy pics or something.
Some people do reach out. I've received three or four racy emails since my tenure started in November. Men and women ask me out for drinks. I decline. People stop for canvassers, but we want them to actually learn about the cause and support that.
Why are sidewalk canvassers better lovers?
We're taught to listen. Good sex is listening to how a person wants to be touched.
I met this great girl. She's sexy, funny, and successful. The only problem: she's really preachy about the environment. I don't drive a Hummer or work for BP, but I'm not an environmentalist. How can we keep our ideological differences from being a dealbreaker?
What? Who doesn't care about the environment? I don't think it has to be a dealbreaker. You can separate your relationship time from the time you spend fighting for a cause. You have to know your outlets.
But there must be certain beliefs that are essential in a partner for you.
Well, yeah. I couldn't date someone who wouldn't sponsor a child. So this is never going to work. You and I are never going to be together.
I've gone on a few dates with a friend of a friend. We really click and I want to get to know him better, but I initiate everything. What's going on? Is he just not into me?
He's probably scared or inexperienced. Some people don't ever learn how to be smooth. Maybe he's not interested, but then why is he going on all these dates with you? Talk to him about it.
What about pulling away so the ball's in his court?
I mean, feigning disinterest can make someone want you more.
If only that worked for canvassers!
Seriously.
I recently ended a long-term relationship. My ex-girlfriend and I both agreed we fell out of love with each other, so I thought it was mutual. I bumped into one of her friends recently, and the friend had no idea we'd broken up. I'm beginning to think my ex hasn't told many people. Why wouldn't she tell people close to her that we're no longer together? Should I confront her?
Maybe she feels bad about the breakup and wants to get back together. Or maybe the relationship just wasn't that big of a deal, so she and her friends don't even talk about it.
I've been with my boyfriend for a while, and he's suddenly become more sexually adventurous — like a totally different person in bed. Should I suspect he's cheating?
It's porn. Well, a combination: a certain level of comfort, possibly boredom, maybe an emotional breakthrough, but mostly porn. Everything I've learned as a serial dater and non-cheater has been through trial and error and porn.
I recently met my good friend's college boyfriend. They haven't been together for years and are good friends now. He asked me out, and I'm interested. Should I okay things with my friend before I say yes?
Of course you should. Logically, you shouldn't have to. But relationships aren't logical.
Commentarium (18 Comments)
Laura had the best answer for the long term break up question. If I don't tell everyone I know about the break up right away, I want to get back together? Bull.
Fucking charity muggers.
yea fuck these reformist charity pimps. acting all smug, "you wanna save the world today?" these non profit organizations use most of the money to pay salaries of E.D s and staff. how much is left over.
These people suck. They ambush me when I'm trying to do some shopping downtown. I'm like, so did you buy those clothes you're wearing, or does all this money you make go to the charity. Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm way more likely to give my money to a homeless guy. I've got my own charities I support. Fucking charity muggers is right.
Roger's way cute!
They only talked to Save the Children canvassers. As a canvasser, that's a little annoying.
@ Katie: Yeah, normally canvassers are dishing out annoyance, rather than receiving it.
Canvassers are telemarketers in the street. We hated them on the phones, now we hate them to their faces. If you are a canvasser, you're not supporting a cause, you're just adding another element in the bureaucracy of dividing up charity money instead of simply putting it towards the cause.
Self-righteous assholes getting in my way.
Want to know what happened? see for yourself: bisi.pl/gl5
One time a canvasser tried to get me with "Do you want to help feed the children?" I ignored him but half an hour later I realized I should have said "feed them to what?"
Damn you, l'esprit de l'escalier!
Does Nick have Downs?
Canvassing is a job. You get paid for your job, don't you? Why shouldn't canvassers get paid?
For the record, they're not making a hell of a lot of money, and for most organizations, the money made through canvassing dwarves the money paid to canvassers. Like the first canvasser said, if you're not doing your job and bringing money in, you're fired.
I would add to what these three said by saying that canvassing builds character and helps you become a better judge of character. People can talk all they want about stopping the climate crisis or world hunger or hate crimes, but until they put their feet on the pavement and their money where their mouths are, then it means nothing.
Activism is sexy as hell. Apathy is a bore and a turnoff. Show the world some love.
for me, the annoyance is not being left alone when I gently decline to give money. I am a broke college grad, but I still have a couple charities that I donate to on a yearly basis. I was stopped by someone who works for one of those charities the other day, and I said "honestly, I support your cause and I do donate to [charity] every year. I also just spent a month of unemployment volunteering for [charity] so I do care, but I just don't have the money to be giving out money to canvassers." She continued to badger me to try to get money from me. Caring about causes doesn't mean that you are interested in being made to feel guilty every single time you don't give money to a particular charity.
tVKtXb As I have expected, the writer blurted out!!!
XDDjx4 Develop the topic further! It is interesting to know more details!!!
I like to ensure my donation actually reaches the target destination without being pared away by blood sucking leeches, so I actually pull the cork and shove the bottle into every homeless drunk I donate to, and wait till the suckling instinct kicks in before I slope off into the midnight fog.
No more s***. All posts of this qiuatly from now on