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Sex Advice From . . . Slam Poets

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Dennis Francis, 32

As a slam poet, you have to be relatively competitive. Say you’re at a party: how do you convince someone to go home with you?
Well, first of all, I’d tell them that I have a double mattress, that I’m strictly Sealy Posturepedic. You know, a lot of people believe in cheap mattresses, but I’m incredibly haughty when it comes to them.

Okay. Flow is obviously very important in poetry. Do you prefer a specific rhythm when you’re having sex?
I’d have to say haiku. You know, three lines, seventeen syllables. Flow.

Okay. As a performer, do you like having sex in public?
I’ve done it onstage. And sometimes when I’m in the movie theater and the scene gets a little intense, you have your release. Be a little free like that. You know, take it to the next level.

Can you give me some tips for talking dirty?
Well, for the uninitiated, you need to know how to say it without saying it, if that makes any sense. So you say something like “I’m gonna fornicate the manure out of your donkey.” That’s what you say because you’ve said it without saying it, and she gets the message.

So you don’t want to start off too intensely?
No. You don’t want to because women like the dirty talk, but they don’t want to know that they’re being talked dirty to. So you say stuff like, “I can’t wait to get some of that mmm mmm mmm v-a-gina.” You see, that’s how you do it. Flub it. Flip it. Tweak it a little. Tweakin’, that’s what it’s all about.

What are some words you should never use to refer to genitalia?
That cunt word, that’s pretty rough. The c is really what does it. "Pussy” has a little more mellowness to it. Pussy. Cunt. Pussy. Cunt. The "cunt" sounds too hail Hitler, you know, too much German, too much Nazi, that’s the problem. You don’t want to get in any trouble with the Anti-Defamation League. Stay away from "cunt" or there are going to be problems.

How should a person approach group sex?
Again, it’s a tricky situation that requires tweaking. Extra tweaking, in fact. Strip poker would be a nice lead-in. Strip poker and strip Scrabble. Make a game out of it. Give the perception of one thing when you know your intention is something else. Booze helps, especially if it’s in the form of Kool-Aid. People love Kool-Aid, especially red Kool-Aid. So take a tall glass of vodka, put in a little splash of red Kool-Aid, and the next thing you know you’re having group sex. Or you could say, "Let’s get naked and try to get in the shape of one of those Absolut bottles."

What’s a sex move guaranteed to make somebody scream?
I call it "come hither." A lot of men struggle with this whole g-spot thing; it’s like the holy grail. I guess it’s no coincidence that grail starts with g — the grail spot. You stick it in, reach up a little, curl the finger, do the "come hither" motion — come, come, come and then come.

Kim Benson, a.k.a. Nadirah

Flow is obviously very important to a poet, so do you have a specific rhythm in bed?
(Laughter) I guess it’s sort of like an Isley Brothers song, like “Voyage to Atlantis.” It’s very mellow, syncopated.

Slam poets have a reputation of being intense but humorless. Do you think that’s fair to say about in the bedroom?
You know I wonder about that. A lot of slam poets sound very angry, so I wonder if they’re having angry sex. I don’t particularly. I’m an antsy slam kind of person.

What word should never be used when referring to genitalia?
(Laughter) The first thing that comes to my mind is "pubey" or "pubic hair."

Why is that?
I picture a pubic hair getting caught in your throat.

At a party, how do you get the person you want to come home with you?
I’m married, so my husband is the person going with me, but we play little cat-and-mouse games at parties. I’ll be like, "Okay you’re the person I’m trying to get, so I’m going to come on to you at the party, then you’re going to go home with me.

Is there one sexual move that you have that will definitely blow someone’s mind?
I think it would have to be my infamous leg-locking position.

What is the leg-lock?
You will not be able to get out of the grip of my legs.

Is it locking the ankles?
Yes, the ankles. It’s kind of like I’m trying to fish with a hook. I have this picture in my mind of a knot in a rope on a ship, and it’s kind of like I’m twisted up. Or like a cartoon, like Gumby or something, with his legs wrapped around so many times.

Advocate of Wordz, 24
Do you have a specific rhythm for having sex?
It all depends on the mood and the situation, the atmosphere and the ambience. Sometimes you have to be especially carefully on those romantic nights, take things a little slower, to be more methodical. But for me, with sex, it’s more freestyle, in the moment. I feel my environment.

Sex in public — are you a fan?
Yes, a big fan. The possibility of getting caught and going against what’s against quote unquote correct. I love it. "Oh wait, we’re in Central Park." "Oh wait, no one’s around." I love it!

Any other places that are appealing?

Truth be told, I lost my virginity on the 1 train, going up to the Bronx. We were a little drunk and, hey, it just happened. It was two or three in the morning and my girlfriend at the time and I were coming back from a party. I mean, what’s as smooth as that Tom Cruise scene in Risky Business? (laughter)

What’s a word that you should never use to refer to genitalia?

For a guy, "little." Don’t say that, even if it is. For a female, "disgusting." You could scar their sexual life forever.

As a slam poet, you have to be relatively competitive. If you’re at a party, how do you convince someone to go home with you instead of somebody else?
I usually try to look for a reason: "Me and my friends are going here blah blah blah." And if you’re giving a female physical contact and she’s giving it back, you can take it a step farther. I never try to force it, because if she rejects it, one day in the future I might try to date one of her friends and she’d be like, "Oh you tried to push up on my friend too much, you’re dirty." It’s freestyle. I try not to make it too obvious if I want her to come home. I’m a man. There’s a subliminal plot behind everything I say.

Slam poets have a reputation of being really intense and humorless. Is that true of you in bed?
Yes. Very, very true. Not much humor during the sex, very intense during the sex. Animalistic or slow and methodical. Afterwards, humor lightens every situation. So there might be a lot of pre-foreplay humor, and then afterward maybe some humor.

But during, you’re focused?
Yeah. Basically, I’m in the zone. There’s nothing funny about the zone.

How do you convince a girl to let you go through the backdoor?
It’s all about eating the choche. You gotta eat the ass, massage the anus, work a little finger in there. When it comes to that, I think girls are more worried about the repercussions physically. It’s a matter of getting them comfortable. You have to make sure she’s relaxed, in a comfortable environment. It’s something that needs to be talked about. Show your interest but don’t force it. Unless she wants to surprise you and say, "Hey, you want to put it in there?" Otherwise it really can’t be a surprise.

What’s a sexual mistake you want to warn people against?

If it’s your first time with a woman, never do it if you’re really drunk. That first impression is huge. If you’re really drunk, your mind is elsewhere, your body’s somewhere else. Then she’s going to sit there, "That’s how he has sex? That’s awful." Make sure you’re sober and prepared for that first impression.

Is there a specific move that’s guaranteed to make somebody scream?
This is a really good one: while the girl is riding you, slowly stick your finger up her anus so your finger is stimulating her g-spot from behind. There’s three different kinds of orgasms: there’s the clit orgasm, the g-spot orgasm and the both. That time, you’re getting both. Even if one doesn’t work, the other will and they love it. And it can’t be too hard. but it can’t be too soft. It has to be the right amount. There’s a science to it!

Nicole Watts, 25
Flow is obviously very important to a poet. Do you have a specific rhythm for sex?
I’m not a guru, so I’m just whatever’s in the moment.

How do you keep things loose in bed?
Just laughing. Tickling. That’s it.

What’s a word that should never be used when referring to genitalia?
It depends on a person’s personality and how they express themselves. I wouldn’t call any word the wrong word.

Cunt, pussy, dick: all good?

Not for me personally, but I can’t stop someone from saying it.

Words like that don’t make you cringe?
Not cringe, they just wouldn’t come out of my mouth…they’re kind of harsh. I think they could sound more beautiful I guess. If you’re just chillin’ with your friends you can say whatever you want, but if you’re in a more…

Romantic?
…environment you need to be more, you know, romantic.

How would you get a slam poet to come home with you?
If it’s between poets, I guess you could exchange pieces.

What about a regular person who saw you perform?
People just usually ask what I’m doing after a show: "Do you want to get a drink" or "I’m going to such-and-such; do you want to come?" Someone said to me, "I want to put a poem inside you." I had never heard that before. It was definitely the best one I remember, so I’ve kind of deleted all the other ones.  


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