Advice

Sex Advice From Slutever

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The sex blogger and VICE columnist on dealbreakers, skinny nerdy guys, and how her mom got into BDSM.

by Alisa MacKay

Karley "Slutever" Sciortino blogs vividly about sex and stars in VICE's Slutever video series. The second season is running now. She recently played a sexy stewardess in this video by Brooklyn electro band Sensual Harassment. Enjoy that after you enjoy our highly informative conversation.

Your public persona is very sexual and, well, slutty. What are your personal rules for dating and fucking? What won't you do? Who won't you fuck? What are your "dealbreakers?"
I have no idea! I used to only want to have sex with guys who were skinny, a little nerdy, had big noses…

Those guys get so much ass in this town.
Now I guess I don't even care. I have girl rules — don't sleep with your friend's ex-boyfriend, or whatever. I think I just don't have that many "rules." The other day, my friend was asking if I thought it was bad if she slept with a married man. I told her, "As long as you realize that you can't date that person, and you're aware of yourself, I think that's his problem, not yours." I mean, if he's not fucking his wife, and he's not fucking you, he's going to be fucking somebody else.

So skinny nerdy guys are still your type?
I think I've broadened a little. I find older guys hot. I think I've always been attracted to people who are ambitious or successful. Not like, "Oh, I can only date successful people." But I used to like those grungy guys in bands. Now I'm like, "Ew. Take a shower and stop being in a band. Because you're, like, twenty-seven."

Fifty Shades of Grey is ubiquitous and it's making conversations about BDSM very mainstream. What do you think is the next kink that people will be reading about on the subway?
I'm not sure, but it's really weird how that book suddenly made BDSM okay. My mom, for instance, is a pretty strict Catholic. She's not a horrible, weird, Republican maniac, but she's conservative. When I was younger, she was always telling me to wait until I was married to have sex. She would watch the Christian channel all the time, and she would tape segments about chastity and waiting to have sex, and she would make me watch them. So, she read Fifty Shades of Grey, and the other day, she was talking to me about S&M, as though it was just… casual. She asked me if I knew what "pussy whipping" was. And I was like, you know, when your boyfriend is "whipped." But she meant, like, whipping a vagina. With an actual whip. But I think that book has really spiced up my parents' sex life! Just last night, I went home, and my mom was in such a good mood.

I'm glad that book is doing some good in the world.
Well, it's still about a submissive girl and a dominant guy. That power dynamic is not being challenged. I think a lot of guys are still unwilling to admit it if they're the ones who want to be dominated.

How does having such a public sex life affect your private sex life?
I have a boyfriend, but he's so outside of this world, that I don't think he even knows or cares. I don't think he reads my blog. He's kind of a nerdy science person. He's not really into weird sex stuff. But my ex, whom I was with for four years, we broke up over my blog. He couldn't deal with it.

In the opening credits of your TV show on Vice, you parody the opening of Sex and the City. That show was a milestone for women talking about sex in the mainstream, even if it got a lot of things wrong.
I know, right?

I'm thinking of this one episode where Carrie keeps sort of tentatively trying to reach for Aidan's balls, as though she's never touched his balls before. Haven't they had sex? Regularly? Like, for years?
Yeah! Totally. So weird.

What shows do you think fulfill the SATC role today?
Well, the answer is Girls, but that's too obvious. I interviewed Lena Dunham before that show came out, and everyone kept saying it was the mumblecore Sex and the City. And she talked about how as much as that show got wrong, she still loved it. And I agree. It was really important. With Girls, I expected it to be racier, but I do like it.

What's the best way for a fan to hit on you?
Anyone telling you they like what you do is a compliment, right? I mean, everyone likes that, right? But the worst is when people try to weirdly backwards-compliment you. People do this to me on Facebook all the time, but it feels so fake. They're trying so hard to not compliment you. "I guess you're kind of hot." "You're hot, but in a really weird way."

Negging!
It's so transparent when people do that. Being genuine is better.

What's the sweetest interaction you've had with a fan?
I interviewed an adult baby who lives in Thailand. He moved there to start this thing called the Adult Baby Nursery, which is literally a nursery where everything is adult sized. It's like an all-inclusive resort-nursery. There's a nanny who takes care of you. Anyway, I interviewed him and got this email from this twenty-year-old girl who's also an adult baby, which is not something you usually see. She told me that my blog had made her feel a lot less bad about being weird.

Vice recently published an article called Why Girls Should Never Have Anal Sex. Thoughts?
I've only recently gotten into it. I did it twice when I was a teenager, and it was awful. But then, a few months ago, I tried it again for some reason — I was probably drunk — and it felt really good! The reason it felt good for me is that in order to get off, I need to be masturbating, and with regular sex, sometimes, the dick gets in the way. There's too much going on in that one zone. So with anal, the dick is out of the way, but you're still getting fucked.

In addition to a few other sub-dom relationships, you have an ongoing long-distance relationship with a person whom you call "Book Bitch," who gets off on buying you books, among other things. Do you derive any sexual satisfaction from that, or is it just a convenient way to get books?
I don't know if I get off on it, actually. It's like an arousal of the ego. Being in a position of power is attractive in any setting. I get a certain enjoyment out of that. But in my own sex life I'm pretty submissive, and I prefer to be the one who's dominated. The dom stuff isn't hot for me. Most of what I'm doing is because I'm curious. "What is going on in your head? Why is this turning you on?" Book Bitch was literally masturbating while PayPaling me money. Which is funny. But I wasn't getting off on it or anything.

Advice questions: what's the best way to turn a friend into a partner?
I've never really done that. I have friends who've been friends for years and then just start dating. But I always wonder, how didn't you know from the beginning? For me, if there isn't an initial spark or sexual attraction, then there's nothing passionate and urgent. I feel like everyone I fuck, I know I want to fuck them from the moment I see them. Sometimes that goes away, because you start talking to someone and realize they're awful.

"My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years, but the last half of our relationship has been mostly long-distance. He moved away from me, to a city I don't like, and moving there means leaving my own job. We talk all the time, and I love him, and think he's the person I want to be with. But he left, and that will always hurt. Should I just go to where he is? Or wait it out? Or just move on?"
Long-distance relationships are so hard, especially if it's the kind of thing where there isn't an end date. Maybe try for an open relationship? Sometimes that's a good test, because you feel like mentally, you're still with that person, but you can try new things, and maybe realize that you want to be with someone else. Alternately, you might start seeing other people or dating other people and it will remind you that you love that person. It might be a good catalyst for really going for it, and moving there, or moving on.

"I've recently ended a thing with a non-committal, emotionally unavailable, self-involved dude, wherein I was having some of the best sex of my entire, slutty life. Then I started seeing someone who was way more into me and kind, but is slightly… duller. What am I doing wrong?"
Oh my God, I totally relate to that. It seems like you should be able to have good sex with someone who's available. But there's also the element of wanting someone that makes sex better and more intense. It's also not attractive when someone is too into you! If you really like someone, you can't make it so obvious. But if you think your boyfriend is dull, don't go out with him. I mean sure, keep sleeping with him, but go off and try to find a new one. My friend told me the other day, "I've never broken up with someone without a backup plan." I actually think that's good advice, because then you don't feel tragic and alone afterwards.

What's the hands down, guaranteed-to-get-results, best sex tip you could ever give anybody?
I feel like I'm giving away my secret! Okay, I started doing this awhile ago, but it's pretty good: when I give a guy head for the first time, I get on my knees — because I think most guys like that — and I look up at them and ask, "Do I look good with your dick in my mouth?" Works!