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Vice recently published an article called Why Girls Should Never Have Anal Sex. Thoughts?
I've only recently gotten into it. I did it twice when I was a teenager, and it was awful. But then, a few months ago, I tried it again for some reason — I was probably drunk — and it felt really good! The reason it felt good for me is that in order to get off, I need to be masturbating, and with regular sex, sometimes, the dick gets in the way. There's too much going on in that one zone. So with anal, the dick is out of the way, but you're still getting fucked.
In addition to a few other sub-dom relationships, you have an ongoing long-distance relationship with a person whom you call "Book Bitch," who gets off on buying you books, among other things. Do you derive any sexual satisfaction from that, or is it just a convenient way to get books?
I don't know if I get off on it, actually. It's like an arousal of the ego. Being in a position of power is attractive in any setting. I get a certain enjoyment out of that. But in my own sex life I'm pretty submissive, and I prefer to be the one who's dominated. The dom stuff isn't hot for me. Most of what I'm doing is because I'm curious. "What is going on in your head? Why is this turning you on?" Book Bitch was literally masturbating while PayPaling me money. Which is funny. But I wasn't getting off on it or anything.
Advice questions: what's the best way to turn a friend into a partner?
I've never really done that. I have friends who've been friends for years and then just start dating. But I always wonder, how didn't you know from the beginning? For me, if there isn't an initial spark or sexual attraction, then there's nothing passionate and urgent. I feel like everyone I fuck, I know I want to fuck them from the moment I see them. Sometimes that goes away, because you start talking to someone and realize they're awful.
"My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years, but the last half of our relationship has been mostly long-distance. He moved away from me, to a city I don't like, and moving there means leaving my own job. We talk all the time, and I love him, and think he's the person I want to be with. But he left, and that will always hurt. Should I just go to where he is? Or wait it out? Or just move on?"
Long-distance relationships are so hard, especially if it's the kind of thing where there isn't an end date. Maybe try for an open relationship? Sometimes that's a good test, because you feel like mentally, you're still with that person, but you can try new things, and maybe realize that you want to be with someone else. Alternately, you might start seeing other people or dating other people and it will remind you that you love that person. It might be a good catalyst for really going for it, and moving there, or moving on.
"I've recently ended a thing with a non-committal, emotionally unavailable, self-involved dude, wherein I was having some of the best sex of my entire, slutty life. Then I started seeing someone who was way more into me and kind, but is slightly... duller. What am I doing wrong?"
Oh my God, I totally relate to that. It seems like you should be able to have good sex with someone who's available. But there's also the element of wanting someone that makes sex better and more intense. It's also not attractive when someone is too into you! If you really like someone, you can't make it so obvious. But if you think your boyfriend is dull, don't go out with him. I mean sure, keep sleeping with him, but go off and try to find a new one. My friend told me the other day, "I've never broken up with someone without a backup plan." I actually think that's good advice, because then you don't feel tragic and alone afterwards.
What's the hands down, guaranteed-to-get-results, best sex tip you could ever give anybody?
I feel like I'm giving away my secret! Okay, I started doing this awhile ago, but it's pretty good: when I give a guy head for the first time, I get on my knees — because I think most guys like that — and I look up at them and ask, "Do I look good with your dick in my mouth?" Works!
Want to meet a sex blogger with very few dealbreakers? Meet them on Nerve.