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Ann Dexter-Jones
Ex-wife of Foreigner's Mick Jones, and mother of the DJ Mark Ronson, the fashion designer Charlotte Ronson and the musician Samantha Ronson.

I'm a poor male artist who has a date with a wealthy woman. Is it reasonable to expect her to pay, despite conventional gender roles?
The ball is in her court to suggest she picks up the tab. Failing that, if your wish is to be financially indulged, I suggest you work your charm and seek employment as a male escort for extremely rich and lonely women.

I embarrassed myself in bed and now I'm worried I'm going to end up in Page Six. How should I handle this?
Tell your partner, "I am so embarrassed. I hope and trust that this is all between us." If he doesn't sound supportive of this request, let your friends think you dumped him and he's just being vindictive.

My boyfriend and I used to have a very aggressive sexual relationship, with lots of rough play and domination. As our relationship has progressed, however, the sex has cooled and I don't want to play rough anymore. Is this a sign of our sex life dwindling? Should I tell him, or would that hurt his feelings?
The passion and thrill of this particular form of sex has passed its sell-by date. Try something else. There are many great sex manuals on the market. For example, check out Kim Catrall's new book. Your boyfriend may be feeling the same way. He may worry that you're not into it and this is making him insecure. It's quite normal. Tell him you want to think of some new ways to make sex more exciting for him. That will flatter him.

My girlfriend always smokes weed before we have sex. She says she can't orgasm otherwise, but it makes me feel inadequate. Should I tell her? Any advice for how she can climax without drugs?
Her smoking pot is not about you being inadequate. It's just something she enjoys. Try not to take it personally. If it really bothers you, feign bronchitis and tell her the smoke is irritating your lungs. Failing that, find a girl who actually has bronchitis.

I'm a girl who wants my boyfriend to perform anal sex on me, but he thinks that's gross. How can I get him more comfortable with that part of my body?
Take him to the Bunny Ranch in Texas or buy him some sex movies. If he's still grossed out, you may have to ask yourself , "What's more important: anal sex or keeping this particular boyfriend?"


Anthony Haden-Guest
Son of Peter Haden-Guest, the fourth baron of Saling in Essex, England; half-brother of director Christopher Guest; and the journalist depicted in Tom Wolfe's Bonfire of the Vanities.

You come from a prestigious family. What's the best relationship advice your parents ever gave you?
My parents divorced when I was very young. They were not big on giving advice.

What advice can you impart?
I think dishonesty can be disastrous. That said, I'm not sure being totally honest is good thing. Some things are better left unsaid. Be decent and discreet.

Have you ever fucked "below your station," with someone in a lower social class?
Oh, frequently.

Would you recommend it?
I don't think sex has anything to do with class at all. It has to do with attraction. I would a hundred times rather go to bed with a waitress who has some kind of street smarts and a sense of humor than with some bovine debutante.

Who's better in bed?
I think in the old days, you would probably find more freedom in the upper class than the middle class. The middle class tended to be the prissy ones. But these days, it's the middle class that has porno videos in their bedside drawer.

I embarrassed myself in bed and I'm worried it's going to end up in Page Six. How should I handle this?
Embarrassed how?

Let's say I was really drunk and accidentally peed in the bed, or I passed out during sex.
Peeing in bed is a bit extreme. I've never done that. I don't think I ever passed out either. Well, I've been unable to perform sexually because I drank too much. Something like that, you hope that people understand. I believe totally in the lesson of Watergate: own up to everything right away and then you have nothing to lose.

I'm thinking about moving in with my boyfriend, mainly because it will be cheaper to split rent and bills. Is moving in for financial reasons a reckless use of our relationship?
This is, oddly enough, precisely the same situation as in Tama Janowitz's book Slaves of New York. There are these New York people who are basically living together for reasons of rent sharing. The use of the word "slave" was not accidental. She thinks it's very constricting. If they break up, one or the other has to move out. On the other hand, most good relationships last two or three years, right?

Yes, and then they end.
Like the office relationship, it's a problem. Being in the situation myself, it's ended really well, even when the relationship ended. We're still friends, we're buddy buddies. Actually, I'd rather have that than share living quarters with someone who I'm not in any physical relationship with, frankly. Of course it's awkward if you break up and the other side starts bringing their new partner home.

My girlfriend smokes weed every time we have sex. She says she can't orgasm otherwise, but it makes me feel inadequate. Should I tell her? Any advice for how she can climax without drugs?
If I had a girl who said that, I'd think, cool. I'd assume she needs that extra relaxation and lack of inhibition. I wouldn't feel like a counselor. If she needs weed, let her. It's got a nice smell.

My boyfriend and I used to have a very aggressive sexual relationship. As our relationship has progressed, however, the sex has cooled and I don't want to play rough anymore. Is this a sign of our sex life dwindling? Should I tell him?
Unfortunately, it's very normal for passion to dwindle. It's the story of the human race. You should tell him that you're no longer enjoying that. If you're not enjoying it then it hurts, and who wants to be hurt?

Is there any solution to this, or are we doomed to the missionary position forever?
Take another lover. I've always been a great believer in adultery. I think it saves a lot of marriages.

How many times have you been married?
Never. So I'm not exactly an expert, right? I lived with people for extended periods of time. I travel a lot and I tend to go with people in some line of work, entertainment or something where they're on the road a bit. I just assume that we're all human and such things can happen. It goes back to what I said in the beginning, a little decency and discretion comes in.

So would you advise married couples to have an open relationship?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! If you go [into a marriage] with that, it's an utter disaster. It's appalling. What's the point of being married? You're in a marriage to support.

I'm a girl who wants my boyfriend to perform anal sex on me, but he thinks that's gross. How can I get him more comfortable with that part of my body?
I know a horrible joke but I'm not going to tell you.

Please?
Oh, it's so disgusting. I was told it by Damien Hirst, who called me when he was completely coked up. He said, "How do you get a gay guy to fuck a girl?" I said, "I don't know Damien. How do you that?" He said, "Shit on her cunt."

That's terrible.
Say this: "God put a nerve up there which gets enormous pleasure. Why don't you put yourself up there too?" Though I personally am not really into that myself.


Esther Nash
Founder of the Baby Doll fashion line.

What's the best relationship advice your parents ever gave you?
I employed my mother's advice. I don't plan on marrying anyone or dating anyone who's not as bright as I am. I want an equal.

I'm a poor male artist who has a date with a wealthy woman. Is it reasonable to expect her to pay, despite conventional gender roles? How can I tactfully make this happen?
Offer to cook her dinner and keep money out of the picture. Give her an art lesson, music lesson, dance lesson, whatever your talents are. Sing if you can. Read her poetry or write some about her.

I'm thinking about moving in with my boyfriend, mainly because it will be cheaper to split rent and bills. Is moving in for financial reasons a reckless use of our relationship?
No, it's an opportunity, Necessity is the mother of intervention. This will either bring you closer or you'll find out you were both wasting your time. Prepare to be extra clean and considerate until you at least have a job and can afford a housekeeper.

I embarrassed myself in bed and I'm worried it's going to end up in Page Six. How should I handle this?
Tell everyone your side of the story, just to play it safe. Then it will be old news and not juicy gossip.


Miu von Furstenberg
Anonymous blogger who chronicles her fellow socialites' parties and events on www.socialitelife.com

How can I get a socialite to come home with me?
While socialites love to date struggling artists (we love being associated with the possible next big name), you can pretty much give up the notion that they're going to come over to your place. We enjoy nice things and surroundings, so if you live in a trashy apartment, it's not going to happen. However, if the socialite is of the younger, trashier persuasion, and they're interested in pissing of the family, you should have no problem being invited back to her place.

Have you ever fucked "below your station?"
Oh Lord, who hasn't? A few times it was to rebel against my family. The best way to piss mother off is to bring your unfavorable boy-toy home to a family dinner.

Would you recommend doing it?
Of course you should do it. Just because a man isn't on your same level doesn't necessarily mean he's any less of a man. Plus, at some point someone will be fucking you below his or her station, so why not share the wealth?

What's the best relationship advice your parents ever gave you, and how did you employ it?
My mother told me never to consume alcohol on a first date. I employed it by going to the same restaurant for my first dates over a period of three years. I had it set up with the staff so that when I would order a "cocktail," they would serve me one of the virgin variety. You really get an idea of whom you're dating when you're sober and they think you're drinking with them.

I'm a girl who wants my boyfriend to perform anal sex on me, but he thinks that's gross. How can I get him more comfortable with that part of my body?
There really is no middle road with this one. The guy will either be into it or be disgusted by it. But there is something you could try. Bring a dildo into bed one evening, and try a little something on yourself. You may want to use the dildo vaginally first, so as not to shock him right away. Then move around to your backside, while playing with his penis, and bring on the vocals. He really has to see how much it turns you on while he's being stimulated in order for him to wrap his mind around the concept.

I'm thinking about moving in with my boyfriend, mainly because it will be cheaper to split rent and bills. Is moving in for financial reasons a reckless use of our relationship?
If he knows that you're moving in for economic reasons and he agrees to it, then he's as "reckless" as you are. If you do decide to move in together, begin sleeping over and bringing everything you use into the bathroom. The sleeping over part is so you can get used to being around each other for an extended period of time, and your toiletries and makeup are so he gets used to what his bathroom will turn into once you are there full-time.

My boyfriend and I used to have an aggressive sexual relationship. As things have progressed, however, the sex has cooled and I don't want to play rough anymore. Is this a sign of our sex life dwindling?
Is everything about the rough sex painful, or are there only certain positions or acts that hurt? You'll have to talk with him, but when you do, make sure you don't just focus on the negative. Balance things out by saying something like, "It really turns me on when you play with my nipples, but that whip has become a little uncomfortable."

My girlfriend smokes weed every time we have sex. She says she can't orgasm otherwise, but it makes me feel inadequate. Should I tell her? Any advice for how she can climax without drugs?
She's most likely been getting high before having sex for so long, she doesn't think she can achieve orgasm without pot. Surprise her with sex at a time when you know she isn't high. Make sure the focus is all on her. Go down on her, listen to what she's saying or when she moans. This may take repeat performances, but once you can get her to climax without getting high, she'll realize it herself and the problem will be solved.  


Interviews by Alexis Tirado.
Sex Advice From... appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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©2006 Alexis Tirado & Nerve.com, Inc.

Commentarium (3 Comments)

Jan 12 06 - 11:43pm
ap

After reading this article i came to the conclusion I'd rather have sex with a polar bear ten times before than with a rich socialite. Those guys were much more fun and down to earth. These rich people sound snob, pretencious and with a stick up their arse. Let them do their page-six coked-up-parties filled with anorexic girls while I shag the ol' fashion way.

Jan 12 06 - 11:53pm
ap

By the way, Damien Hirst sounds like an asshole.

Jan 13 06 - 10:03am
EVL

At least this SAF was interesting. After weeks of listening to gamers/lawyers/detectives/cryptographers (??) drone on about how it's bad to cheat, socialites - useless as they may be - at the very least inject some much-needed color into the proceedings.