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Sex Advice From . . . Star Wars Fans

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Amie, 19

I’m trying to talk my partner into a MMF threesome. How can I manage it without a lightsaber battle in the bedroom?
Make sure one’s Luke and one’s Han, so Luke will be submissive.

I’m trying to talk my girlfriend into wearing the Princess Leia slavegirl outfit in bed. How can I convince her?

She’ll probably say no. But I’ll do it.

What do you tell your partner if they’ve gone a little too “Wookiee” y’know, down there?
Advise them to get a landing strip or hit the road.

What’s the worst thing you can say in the bedroom?
“I’m afraid this might hurt a little.”

What Star Wars fantasy is best played out in the bedroom?
Anything with a chase involving lots of male stormtroopers.

Have you ever had sex in costume?
Yes, but not as a Star Wars character. I was Columbia from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was hot.

What made it so hot?
The fishnets and the tap dancing.

You tap danced?
A little bit.

Stephan, 25

How do you get a Star Wars fan to go home with you?
You gotta like Star Wars too. If you’re faking it, they’ll see right through it. It’s like with regular girls — if you fake or pretend, they see right through it.

I’m trying to talk my girlfriend into wearing the Princess Leia slavegirl outfit in bed. What can I do to convince her to wear it?

You have to volunteer to put on something equally ridiculous.

What do you tell your partner if they’ve gone a little too “Wookiee” y’know, down there?
You just gotta be straightforward about that one. It’d be like, “It’s good for both of us.” You can’t be like, “It’s your fault!” Both people. Your pleasure, my pleasure.

I’m trying to talk my partner into a MMF threesome. How can I avoid a lightsaber battle in the bedroom?
As the great Harold and Kumar said, “shotgun anus.” Call it out beforehand. You gotta call the holes. Whatever you want, you gotta go for it first. Once you’re there it’s yours. The other’s not allowed.

What’s the best way to convince someone to let a lightsaber enter their dark side for the first time?
That’s a very, very long, gradual process. Like, if the person doesn’t agree to it right away then it takes a while. Every once in a while slip it into the conversation over time. I heard one really good technique is to take a really hot bath, because then they relax and are more open.

Are Star Wars fans better in bed and why?
They’re either really good or really bad. Either they don’t get any and are either really excited about it, or they’ve never had it before so they’re really bad. Extremes.

What Star Wars fantasy is best for playing out in the bedroom?
I would say the whole Ewok/Endor forest-jungle-craziness. You get some plants and some crazy music, that might work.

Natalie Portman or Carrie Fisher ?
That’s a tough one. Natalie Portman’s got the fresh young feel, but Carrie Fisher’s got the classy broad, pin-up quality. I don’t know. That’s tough. I might lean towards Carrie Fisher because she’s got the better outfits. You know what she’s got. Though if Natalie Portman called me up it’d still be cool.

Is there a tactful way to tell your partner if they’ve gone a little more Hutt than hot?
I’m too frank. I’m just like, “You’re getting too fat,” and that’s just bad. Bad idea. They say you’re supposed to come up with a way like, “hey let’s go biking today. Both of us.” You know, but I’ve never tried that because that involves me getting into it. And I don’t want to do that.

What are the sexual characteristics of a fan whose favorite character is:
Han Solo?
They would probably be like, pretty adventurous and energetic but I don’t think they wouldn’t do anything they didn’t want to do because Han Solo is not down with a lot of things. He’s like, “You wanna do what? No!” Very gung-ho I would say and very cowboyish.

Princess Leia?
They probably would be kind of classy because they’re a princess, you know. I think classy at first but when the going gets rough they dive right in. She gets into it. She’s fighting alongside everybody so I would imagine with a little bit of time that Princess Leia would get wild. She’d let her buns down, y’know?

Luke Skywalker?
I think he’d start out a little unsure, looking to find guidance, and then come into his own later on as he gets better.

Darth Vader?
Darth Vader’s kind of like, “do it my way, bitch or get kicked out of my bedroom.” I want to say they’d like asphyxiation.

Yoda?
They’d be really bad at talking dirty because it’d come out all wrong you know. Like, “Sex me you will!” That would be very cool. They’d be very wise, but they’d spend too much time talking about sex than actually doing it. They’d be like, “it would be highly pleasurable if I did this, but you must learn it first.”

Jesse, 19

I’m trying to talk my girlfriend into wearing the Princess Leia slave girl outfit in bed. What can I do to convince her to wear it?
My girlfriend says no too, so I don’t know. I’ve been barking up that tree for two months now, so good luck. She wouldn’t even come to the movie with me.

Are Star Wars fans better in bed?
Hell if I know. Um, yeah?

Natalie Portman or Carrie Fisher?
Carrie Fisher. Dude, in the little slavegirl outfit? No one can beat that.

What’s the best way to convince someone to let a lightsaber enter their dark side for the first time?

Once again, I’ve been barking up that tree for the last four years so um, when I figure it out I’ll let you know.

Shayne, 20

What Star Wars fantasy is best played out in the bedroom?
Jabba’s Palace: one of them gets frozen in carbonite, and the other one gets to free them.

I’m trying to talk my partner into a MMF threesome. How do I go about doing it without there being a lightsaber battle in the bedroom?
An Eiffel tower. You know, where the guys are getting her from either end.

Are Star Wars fans better in bed?
I’d have to say yes. They have a better sense of humor. They’re more enthusiastic, playful. And they enjoy a good lightsaber fight.

Hayden Christensen or Mark Hamill?
Hayden Christensen. I don’t think Mark Hamill is sexy at all. He’s too whiny. But Hayden Christensen is cuter early on.

Is there a tactful way to tell your partner if they’ve gone a little more Hutt than hot?
Yes, but it’s not necessarily well received. You know, you can take over with the cooking. Or get into a fight with them in Whole Foods about how they’re not allowed pizza for dinner. That happened about twenty minutes ago.

What are the sexual characteristics of a fan whose favorite character is:
Han Solo?
Definitely the one in control. You’re definitely the one calling the shots.

Princess Leia?
Feisty but definitely sexually adventurous.

Darth Vader?
Kinky. Into bondage stuff.

Yoda?
Geriatric? Religious. Traditional.

JarJar Binks?
Acrobatic. I always think of that dive into the lake where he does a twist and a flip.

Luke Skywalker?
I don’t even want to know.
 

  Interviews by William Bright. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Do you have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

 

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