Lady Clankington, 24

What makes steampunks better in bed?
We’re fun, we’re adventurous, and we like role-playing and dressing up. What’s not to love?

What's the best way to pick up a steampunk?
Dress well. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive but do make an effort. Be neat and well-groomed. Politeness and manners count for a lot. Don’t try to put on a fake accent if you can’t carry it off. Phrases such as “’Ey, luv, fancy a shag?” are a bad idea.

I'm really into steampunk, but my girlfriend isn't. I spend a lot of my time doing related stuff — and so far, it’s working, but I'm worried. Do opposites really attract, or should I find someone more similar to me?
Opposites can attract but you still need to find some common ground. Try attending a steampunk event together. There’s usually at least one panel or workshop on “Steampunk 101.” If she has any interest in art, history, fashion, music, etc. she should be able to find something to do there. If you’ve tried everything and she still doesn’t want anything to do with it, maybe you two aren’t a good fit for each other.

I slept with this guy after meeting him at a bar. I didn't intend for it to go much farther than that, but he won't stop texting, calling, and emailing me. Can I just ignore him or do I need to officially end it?
Waiting for the average guy to just get the hint is like winning the lottery: possible but unlikely. If you want him to leave you alone, you’re going to have to say so.

My girlfriend has recently been exploring her interest in sex toys. At first I was happy to go along, but she obviously wants to go a lot farther than I do. Should I suck it up for her sake, or find a way to let her that it's a little too much for me?
She wants to have sex with you! That’s a good thing! Ask her to pick a favorite toy and teach you how to use it on her. The only time toys are ever a problem is if she would rather use them alone than actually have sex with you. If that’s the case, maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship.

My boyfriend hasn't come out to his parents yet. It's becoming increasingly hard to take the next step in our relationship because of it. I understand what he's going through, but I'm getting impatient. What do I do?
I understand that admitting you’re a steampunk can be very traumatizing! Just be sure he wears a suitable hat for the occasion and all will be well.

My girlfriend has a close male friend who I'm starting to think wants more than a platonic relationship with her. They've been friends for longer than I've known her, but I don't want to lose my girlfriend. How do I approach this situation without coming off like a jealous asshole?
Be sincere about your concerns and add a light smattering of vulnerability (but not too much). Chicks dig that.

If "The Steampunk" was a sexual position, what would it be?
It wouldn’t actually be called “The Steampunk”. It would probably be called “The James Watt,” due to his inventions of horsepower and the double-acting piston. You can probably imagine the rest.