Lady Clankington, 24

What makes steampunks better in bed?
We’re fun, we’re adventurous, and we like role-playing and dressing up. What’s not to love?

What's the best way to pick up a steampunk?
Dress well. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive but do make an effort. Be neat and well-groomed. Politeness and manners count for a lot. Don’t try to put on a fake accent if you can’t carry it off. Phrases such as “’Ey, luv, fancy a shag?” are a bad idea.

I'm really into steampunk, but my girlfriend isn't. I spend a lot of my time doing related stuff — and so far, it’s working, but I'm worried. Do opposites really attract, or should I find someone more similar to me?
Opposites can attract but you still need to find some common ground. Try attending a steampunk event together. There’s usually at least one panel or workshop on “Steampunk 101.” If she has any interest in art, history, fashion, music, etc. she should be able to find something to do there. If you’ve tried everything and she still doesn’t want anything to do with it, maybe you two aren’t a good fit for each other.

I slept with this guy after meeting him at a bar. I didn't intend for it to go much farther than that, but he won't stop texting, calling, and emailing me. Can I just ignore him or do I need to officially end it?
Waiting for the average guy to just get the hint is like winning the lottery: possible but unlikely. If you want him to leave you alone, you’re going to have to say so.

My girlfriend has recently been exploring her interest in sex toys. At first I was happy to go along, but she obviously wants to go a lot farther than I do. Should I suck it up for her sake, or find a way to let her that it's a little too much for me?
She wants to have sex with you! That’s a good thing! Ask her to pick a favorite toy and teach you how to use it on her. The only time toys are ever a problem is if she would rather use them alone than actually have sex with you. If that’s the case, maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship.

My boyfriend hasn't come out to his parents yet. It's becoming increasingly hard to take the next step in our relationship because of it. I understand what he's going through, but I'm getting impatient. What do I do?
I understand that admitting you’re a steampunk can be very traumatizing! Just be sure he wears a suitable hat for the occasion and all will be well.

My girlfriend has a close male friend who I'm starting to think wants more than a platonic relationship with her. They've been friends for longer than I've known her, but I don't want to lose my girlfriend. How do I approach this situation without coming off like a jealous asshole?
Be sincere about your concerns and add a light smattering of vulnerability (but not too much). Chicks dig that.

If "The Steampunk" was a sexual position, what would it be?
It wouldn’t actually be called “The Steampunk”. It would probably be called “The James Watt,” due to his inventions of horsepower and the double-acting piston. You can probably imagine the rest.

Commentarium (37 Comments)

Mar 14 11 - 1:55am

Tommy is quite the charmer. I'd take his calling card any day of the week.

Mar 14 11 - 2:37am

Um, Lady Clankington doesn't look like a real human being. She resembles an old west, mutated mannequin. Yikes.

Mar 14 11 - 5:31am

Just a question, does she have breast implants? I can't tell if its the corset doing that or if they are just fake.

Mar 14 11 - 8:34am

Pretty sure it's just the corset. If you waist-train you can get down pretty small, and the general shape of her body isn't that of a girl with a small frame and breast implants.

Mar 14 11 - 2:18pm

That outfit should be against the law. I'm scared for her internal organs.

Mar 14 11 - 11:55pm

It's photoshopped. Yes, she is wearing a tight corset and has a tiny waist, but you can see the marks from sloppy clone-stamp around her waist.

Mar 14 11 - 11:58pm

You can see from this candid pic she has a n0rmal slender build....

Mar 23 11 - 1:53pm

I was at the shoot. she models for loads of places. I know for a fact there was no photoshop. How do I know? I made the corset.

Mar 14 11 - 8:33am

Funny, gorgeous and dishing out good advice? Tommy wins this round.

Mar 14 11 - 10:35am

I'll second that. Tommy FTW!

Mar 14 11 - 12:11pm

Disagree... I thought his advice was pretty terrible actually!

Mar 14 11 - 11:18pm

Well Ryan, while I disagree with what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it

Mar 14 11 - 11:55pm

His advice is terrible, but he is a qt

Mar 14 11 - 9:07am

"steampunk" isn't a noun, it's an adjective

Mar 14 11 - 9:59am

How about a verb?

Mar 14 11 - 10:14am

Down, Nazi! It may be correctly used as both an adjective and a noun.

Mar 15 11 - 12:50am

And a verb. It is quite common "to steampunk" an object

Mar 23 11 - 1:59pm

not a noun?

Steampunk: noun
[mass noun]
a genre of science fiction that typically features steam-powered machinery rather than advanced technology.

Mar 14 11 - 10:50am

Matt actually had pretty good advice. Well done, sir.

Mar 14 11 - 1:09pm

I want to smack all of them.

Mar 14 11 - 11:13pm

Sounds like fun ;)

Mar 22 11 - 8:24pm

Why are we being smacked?

Mar 14 11 - 3:16pm

Lady Clankington looks suspiciously like a Real Doll to me. Not because of the tiny waist, but because her face and skin look synthetic.

Mar 14 11 - 10:03pm

I second that. Let that be a lesson to ya, Photoshoppers!

Mar 23 11 - 1:54pm

Actually, her skin really is that good.

Mar 14 11 - 11:25pm

Even if I don't like steampunk, I still wanted to hear what that Tommy had to say. Ow! Ow!

Mar 15 11 - 1:02pm
Oh my

Tommy IS something, isn't he? I would certainly take more than his calling card...

Mar 18 11 - 8:52pm

Can Tommy be real? So cute and charming, and with a sense of humor! I don't think I'd need to fake a swoon. <3

Mar 19 11 - 9:20pm

A well made corset would do exactly what her corset does for her without pain or any internal damage. I see no photo shop evidence. It just a good corset worn tight.

Mar 19 11 - 10:37pm

Matt is pretty awesome imo and gives great advice :)

Mar 19 11 - 10:51pm
thee gartisan

@fee garden: I've met Lady Clankington & hung out with at a couple events. Her skin is very nice!

Mar 20 11 - 12:50am

Not going to lie - I kind of want one of Lady Clankington's little death rays:

Mar 20 11 - 12:51am

I'd do the steampunk with Tommy any time...

Mar 21 11 - 12:59am

Thank you all for the kind words! If you're interested in Steampunk at all, you should check out my group: VSteam -

Mar 22 11 - 8:09pm

It saddens me to see all of the comments about Miss Clankington as she really is that beautiful in real life and her body is an average womans body with curves and hips, she just does corset training.

But anywho, for those who liked the advice of Matt, which would be myself, you can always go check out my hand-crafted steampunk jewelery on facebook:

Mar 26 11 - 12:56am

Good bunch! And props for the criminal code!