Advice

Sex Advice From Street Performers

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Gracia, 24, Musician

What has street performing taught you about dating?
Patience. What you’re looking for is probably in the next group of people. 

I pass a hot street performer every day. How can I get her off the street and into my apartment?
Throw them a few bucks to show that you like what they’ve got going on and then talk to them for a bit. If they seem to be in a good mood, it wouldn’t hurt to be bold. I know that when I am in a good mood, there is nothing better than having some cute something hint at more than just friendship. But please, make it interesting. "Come to daddy" or "You have a hot ass" is not creative. It’s just gross. I myself hold the bar a bit higher than that.  

If your lover confessed to being bisexual, how would you help him explore it?
I would suggest that we go find someone they are attracted to and let the chips fall where they may. If they’re confessing this to you, then there’s a high probability that they haven’t felt comfortable with the idea up until now and it’s important. You can’t deny someone their attractions. And I wouldn’t want them to be miserable, constantly fantasizing about something that they could just do. And, in all actuality, nothing turns me on more than a person who is attracted to both.  

I cheated, confessed, and got kicked out. What can I do to get her back?
First off, try not to be such an inconsiderate asshole. You should take some time for yourself and the other person to think about the situation. Get a good grasp of what "crimes" you have committed. Once you’ve got those checked off the list, ask yourself if you are really willing to go through hell (which you will) to get this person back. If the answer is "yes" to that question then you know what you have to do. Once the bonds of trust are broken, they’re quite hard to mend.  

Should a wedding ring stop me from sleeping with someone?
Depends. I think if they and their partner are into it, and you are comfortable with both of their terms, you should go for it. If you are in the middle of it, and a wedding ring happens to appear on a bed stand, you should give them a nice interrogation and a hard slap to the face, wipe yourself off, gather your things, and with your last shred of dignity, leave. 

How can I get you to stay a week instead of a night? Breakfast in bed? Flowers?
You can draw me. I always fall in love with people that do these kinds of things. Something almost on the verge of creepy, but slightly less so that it is more cute than creepy. Write a poem about me. Write me a song.  

The sex is cold and Dave Matthews Band is playing in the background. How can I leave in the middle without hurt feelings? 
Throw up. Nothing is less attractive than someone throwing up in the middle of sexy time. They will get the hint, think that they rocked your world too hard, or send you home with a care package (the best option).

Cristobal, 19, Musician

I pass a hot street performer every day. How can I get him off the street and into my apartment?
Just be straight with me. I don’t even need you to like my music. If you want me in your apartment just tell me. It’s been a long day at work; if I see something that I’m attracted to, you’ll probably convince me.   

Should a wedding ring stop you from sleeping with someone?
Depends on who’s driving that train. If I’m making the rules, I would never get involved in a marriage. But if a married man is pursuing me, I could follow. If he is going to be with someone else then he will be, it doesn’t matter that it’s me. I don’t need to worry about his situation. 

I cheated, confessed, and got kicked out. What can I do to get them back?
If I were to cheat on someone, it would be because I wasn’t happy in the situation. I’ve been in that situation before. I felt like it was a mistake, but all I needed to do was explain how I was feeling. Sleeping with someone else isn’t the betrayal it’s made out to be. It’s not unforgivable. There are society’s rules and our own. People are whores.  

Performers are no strangers to costumes, right? What’s something you’ve always wanted to screw in?
I’m not really into wearing things during sex. I like naked sex. But, I also like paint. I would love to cover us with paint and fuck and paint with our bodies at the same time. Making art of ourselves just for each other. Painting with your arms, your legs, your dick.  

My boyfriend wants to take naked pictures of me, but I’m a little freaked out at the thought that my ex still has the ones he took. Should I go for it?
I think it’s a beautiful bond of modern relationships. I have done it in all of mine. It’s a step, like saying I love you. And if we are at that point, I would be really surprised if someone didn’t let me. 

The sex is cold and Dave Matthews Band is playing in the background. How can I leave in the middle without hurt feelings? 
I need to feed my cat. I don’t care. If I’m at the point where I’m not enjoying it at all, I leave, fast. I’d run away while he’s in the bathroom. It’s the worst position to be in. You always need a backup plan. 

What do you think is the most difficult thing you can do to please someone? 
My pleasure is their pleasure. I can only be excited when the other person is. I have surprised myself by my lack of limitations, and ended up doing things I’d never imagined. Pleasure is contagious.  

Viviana, 26, Tango Dancer 

A street performer is flirting with me, does he want a tip or a phone number? 
Both! It would be so lovely to have both.

If your lover confessed to being bisexual, would you help him explore it? 
It would be fun! It would be nice to hear it and have that kind of honesty. And of course I would want to be with him. It would be so fucking awesome — my dream guy. 

I pass a hot street performer every day. How can I get him off the street and into my apartment? 
Sit down and get to know me. Don’t use some cheesy or lame line and don’t be a jerk. You’ll be home later, touching yourself, but I won’t be there. 

What makes performers so damn sexy? 
They trust in themselves. They have so much trust. They let you see past the face, the body, the physical. That’s a hippie answer I guess. But it’s true. It’s all in their attitude.  

Should a wedding ring stop you from sleeping with someone? 
I think, in karma, everything returns to you, the good and bad. So I wouldn’t. I would have to be out of my mind or on drugs not to care about that. Otherwise I couldn’t.   

I cheated, confessed, and got kicked out. What can I do to get them back? 
He can come home by telling me, showing me that he really wants to be with just me. “I want this, I just fucked up. I was drunk.” But it’s a different story if he dated someone else. He wouldn’t get another chance to make a fool of me. I love myself too much for that.   

How can I get you to stay a week instead of a night? Breakfast in bed? Flowers?
If I feel good, you don’t have to do anything. But it would be lovely to wake up to you drawing me or taking pictures of me. I want to see him inspired by me. Because that’s the way — from there comes creation. 

The sex is cold and Dave Matthews Band is playing in the background. How can I leave in the middle without hurt feelings?  
Depends on how much I like him. If I like him and the sex is bad I can handle it. I wouldn’t say a word about the sex and make up some excuse to leave. If he’s a jerk and the sex is bad then I don’t give a fuck how he feels, I’m out.