Sex Advice From Strippers

By Meghan Pleticha

heather

Hezzy, 23

Why are strippers better in bed?
It is a stripper's job to be sexy and seduce people — we are pretty damn good at it. Also, we have phenomenal wardrobes.

I want to put on a little strip show for my boyfriend's birthday, but I'm nervous that I'll just end up looking ridiculous. What should I do to make sure it goes off without a hitch?
Move much slower than you think you should. It's a fine line between sexy and epileptic seizure. Lots of eye contact is always hot, and just do what feels natural. Don't "try" to be sexy. It doesn't work that way. And if you're nervous, definitely have a drink. That's what I do!

How can I pick up a stripper?
If you met her at the club, you can't. You're already a customer to her. Otherwise, just be an exceptionally nice guy. Strippers have heard it all and deal with "charming" douchebags all night long.

Is a stripper pole in the bedroom worth the investment?
Yes! If you really want to learn, you have to fall down and make a fool out of yourself a lot so it helps to be able to do that in the privacy of your own home. And once you've learned, it will definitely spice up your sex life.

What makes a good blowjob?
Getting into a position that is most comfortable for you so you don't get tired is key. Eye contact, dirty talk, actually enjoying yourself, lots of moisture, and using both of your hands as well (don't forget the balls and taint!).

I've got a fantasy about boning a cheerleader. What can I say to my normally vanilla girlfriend to convince her to dress up for me?
If you have to convince your girlfriend to dress up for you, dump her. She should want to do it! If you've already bought the outfit for her, that would definitely make her feel more inclined to do it.

How long should you wait before sleeping with a guy?
I don't think it matters. Some people think sleeping with a guy too quickly will make him not respect you, but if he doesn't respect you, it's because he is a douchebag, not because you slept with him. If you want to fuck him, fuck him!

Commentarium (73 Comments)

Apr 02 10 - 6:24am
Lm

Wow, did Nerve raid Devil's Point or something?

Apr 02 10 - 9:19am
hib

this was great! love the actual sex advice and slightly raunchier tone of this piece. more strippers!

Apr 02 10 - 9:58am
Ben

I'm sort of surprised by this whole "stripper pole in the bedroom" thing. Since when is that something that is even considered? Has anyone actually ever seen one? If so, doesn't it end up covered with dirty laundry and stuff?

Apr 02 10 - 10:25am
luke

I guess you couldn't find a male stripper. They are so rare and elusive.

Apr 02 10 - 10:36am
JOSH

interesting that both girls advocated not coming clean if you cheat.
also interesting: "(don’t forget the balls and taint!)"

Apr 02 10 - 10:39am
RWL

Rocket rules, and thanks to her I'll look at Ikea with a whole new perspective.

Apr 02 10 - 1:37pm
Paul

Wow, some people really like the word "douchebag" huh? Very insightful!!

Apr 02 10 - 2:02pm
fs

Hi! guy r u feel lonely,Is it weird that I am 23 and still a virgin?
I would like to invite you to join my circle of friends on
w/w/w-BlackWhiteDate-com . My username is "looking4love".
Give me your comments on my photos. I'm waiting 4 u.

Apr 02 10 - 2:27pm
Shaun

Well, I live in Portland where these girls are from. I tend to not want to take love advice from what are rumored to be emotionally troubled girls with severe cocaine addictions. Rocket is a pretty girl, but I think handing out buttons with a picture of just your own face on them is about as un-sexy as it gets.

Apr 02 10 - 3:12pm
luke

No, FS, I'z not lonly. I have mah cheezburger az mah best frend.

Apr 02 10 - 8:57pm
buraq

123456

Apr 02 10 - 11:10pm
szese

Try this dating site www.BlackWhiteDate.com

Really Nice!! My username is "looking4love".

Give me your comments on my photos. I'm waiting 4 u.

Apr 02 10 - 11:15pm
Rocket

Shaun! Buddy! So nice to hear from you. Those buttons were actually made for about ten girls in Portland who were promoting PDXBlackbook.com...not all of them had our photos on them. The site made them for us. This business is all about self-promotion, so that is what I do and I make no apology for it. I love how you buy into the "all strippers are emotionally troubled girls with severe coke addictions" stereotype. It really shows how ignorant you are.
Thanks to everyone (including Shaun) for the comments! It's fun to read the feedback. Also, thanks to nerve for contacting me :)

Apr 03 10 - 3:38am
h

excellent advice all around--I'm impressed.

Apr 03 10 - 10:05am
Bill.

Down to business. First, I'd like to ponder why a stripper would know anything about sex. Honestly, unless I'm mistaken, it's your job to sell your body and not get laid. And on another stance, why would I take a salesman's opinion on anything? It's your job to sell your body. The hell would you know about commitment or love? If you've managed to learn anything, it's from your personal lives, not your "profession." You can leave yourself with whatever delusions that leave you comfortable, but to your "customers" that is what you are. An item. An object. And where does the idea that strippers do better in bed come from? Wouldn't I ask a harlot? Considering the job you ended up with, I'd argue that you know nothing at all.

Jul 13 11 - 2:02am
JH

Bill. You're an idiot. I'd venture to guess you don't treat women--in any profession--well at all. Furthermore, you're boring. And probably ugly.

Jul 23 11 - 12:04pm
LiquidCourage

And probably totally correct.

Apr 03 10 - 10:27am
Ceece

"If you have to convince your girlfriend to dress up for you, dump her."

What a crock of shit.

Apr 03 10 - 2:10pm
Nate

Strippers ARE better in bed because they are generally more adventurous, in my opinion. But then, they are also better to play video games, because they know how to talk trash. You know who really stinks in bed? Prudes.

Apr 03 10 - 2:18pm
squirrellywrath

Bill, what does commitment and love have to do with sex?

Apr 03 10 - 6:25pm
Emerald

Strippers are better in bed BECAUSE they know how to sell themselves. Good sex has nothing to do with love or commitment. That's just silly.

Apr 03 10 - 8:12pm
Ikon

first off some of the advice was good though some wasnt and for those who think good sex has nothing to do with love well youve never made love which in its own form is the best sex becuase the two care and show it they also want to please the partner and vice versa it more intense then just sex

Apr 03 10 - 10:09pm
Ulises

Very impressed by the the 3 girls! gorgeous, sexy and smart

Apr 03 10 - 10:12pm
Marte

Bill, before writing your valuable opinion at least read the title of the column! "sex advice" why are you talking about love and commitment??? also it is evident that you haven't had sex with a stripper because they are superb in bed.

Apr 03 10 - 10:55pm

Your great Rocket!

Apr 04 10 - 1:12am
CJ Reynolds

I m a male stripper and I love my job

Apr 04 10 - 6:26am
cgeers

Heh... sex advice from strippers. Woot!

Apr 04 10 - 7:22am

ggjh

Apr 04 10 - 11:01am
szese

Hi! guy r u feel lonely,Is it weird that I am 23 and still a virgin?
I would like to invite you to join my circle of friends on
___ www---BlackWhiteDate--com
Give me your comments on my photos. I'm waiting 4 u.

Apr 04 10 - 3:37pm
Hummy

Good advice!

http://www.hoponbaby.com

Apr 04 10 - 4:20pm
bluecats

Hey Nerve, you need to upgrade your spambot filters ... *sigh*.

Apr 04 10 - 4:42pm
Kanto

"In your opinion"? So, not from your own experiences then. Well, my experiences have taught me that more alcohol and drugs do not make better sex, regardless of who you're with, particularly strippers and waitresses. It's just easier, that's all. If you're looking to get laid with no commitments, whores are a good choice. If you think a pretty face (under very low lighting) makes a good heart, or you're a lovesick puss, then stsy away from em. Believe me on that one.

Apr 04 10 - 5:19pm
Donna

I want Sex Advice From Strippers to become a regular column.

Apr 04 10 - 5:43pm

From an older woman's perspective, who was married for 24 years, I think this is all good advice. Specific advice was given on how to strip for one's man--slow, deliberate movements, slow song, clothing easy to remove, etc. Trading with your lover for a sexual favor is great advice, and one should always communicate what one does and does not like in bed in a positive way. Negativity will only make one's mate apprehensive and feeling not-so-sexy! In which case, neither party wins! Cheating? Once again, these columnists are correct in my opinion. Very few relationships make it when a partner cheats. If it truly was a 1 time mistake, it's best kept to yourself. And never let yourself be in that type of situation again. Do not judge these girls because they are strippers, drug addicts and lowlifes. Not all strippers are drug addicts. And, as stated above, not all men with Rolex watches tip well!

Apr 05 10 - 12:48am
cjm

The last one seems very democratic.

Apr 05 10 - 12:53am

Taint for the win. hahaha

Apr 05 10 - 9:10am
Bill.

Oh yes. I must've forgotten. Real sex is just plain humping. Because by that standard, that totally makes masturbation a legit form of sexual intercourse, doesn't it? Who needs another person at all? It's just quick pleasure and nothing more. You fools honestly know nothing of sex. If you remove the emotional aspect from sex, all you have is an empty husk that leaves you wanting something more. Why not just get a blow up doll? I used to wonder why other women were so dissatisfied with their partners. I also used to wonder why people needed advice on sex. You think it'd be easy to figure out. But, now I know. You people don't even know what sex is.

Apr 05 10 - 10:45am
Nate

Sex is not elitist Bill.

Apr 05 10 - 1:07pm

your fukin hot lov 2 shuv my stik in there and for my b-day can u do somestripping for me plz thx lol wow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apr 05 10 - 2:17pm
yo!

Bill and Kanto should get married and make many babies together

Apr 05 10 - 2:18pm
Mikel

No Bill, YOU don't know what real good sex is

Apr 05 10 - 4:00pm
PDW

I think "Bill" may be a little jaded.

Apr 05 10 - 5:04pm
A-non

Well, for me this was great. I have VERY low self esteem so once I get over that, I am definitely going to try some of the things suggested. (Not the "pegging", but the other suggestions). I, for one, LOVE the fact that the dancers are sharing this advice, it is their job to be sexy so they tend to have good insight on how to be sexy. :P

Apr 05 10 - 6:35pm

Can I Fuck You Heather please

Apr 05 10 - 11:55pm
Paul

Lol @ angry people. Rocket, I love the colors! MUAH!

Apr 06 10 - 12:20am
Alex Delarges

I found the article to be funny and insightful due to the actual opinions and language, therefor maybe something that can be regarded as practice, and not simply speculation. Also, to bring "Bill" up again, sex is what you make of it. You can have passionate sex with someone you share a deep emotional connection with, or you can just have a quick fuck. Sex itself is simply penetration, it's the mind set that really counts. If you want quick satisfaction, you'll get it. If you want something more, you can get it( though the feelings may not be shared, unfortunately). The only wrong way to view sex is by objectifying women as simply sexual playthings, and that shit's just not right.

Apr 06 10 - 2:04am
Ol' Gregg Morpheus-Jackson

Pretty good advice, but there were a couple of odd ones. If your girlfriend doesn't wanna bang you in a cheerleader uniform, just dump her. That's a little far, but basically everything else works well. Be careful about the cheating thing though. Yeah, you may lose her if you tell the truth, but you'll definitely lose her if she hears it from someone else.

Apr 06 10 - 10:39am
anon

"I don’t think it matters. Some people think sleeping with a guy too quickly will make him not respect you, but if he doesn’t respect you, it’s because he is a douchebag, not because you slept with him. If you want to fuck him, fuck him!"
WRONG! Men don't respect sluts, like the slut that said that.

Apr 06 10 - 10:40am
DJ

I think women shouldn't have to get paid to have sex they should be able to have sex when they want to!!!!

Apr 06 10 - 12:15pm
Teal

Should I let my boyfriend go as deep as he wants, even though it really hurts.

Apr 08 10 - 5:41pm
harry krishna

at least i didn't have to buy a bottle of "champagne"

Apr 10 10 - 1:37am
nyguy

if you want to know how to pick up a stripper, don't ask a stripper. You CAN pick them up at work. some strippers can't handle the fact that they are human because they have to try and justify what they do to themselves so they pretend to be impervious to any human interaction (like they are a machine there to make money ad manipulate guys). But they get bored, tired, horny ad doubt themselves like every woman does in any situation. just pay attenion to their signals and give them what they want. it may be harder with some strippers because that is exactly what they do all night long. Others will be like any oter woman and feel tis person knows me. Any stripper that says you can't pick them up at work is either angry at the fact that she's a stripper and is trying to exert some unrealistic superiority over anyone who is a non-stripper (ie customers) or they are a lesbian. I have known and picked up strippers who are in relationships, swear they would never date a customer and sleep around as much as non strppers. in fact a lot of strippers in relationships are living a double-life and lying to their partners and friends outside the club. They have their stripper persona and their regular person persona and the stripper persona can do whatever she thinks se wants to do because its not really her. If you meet a stripper that doesn't lead this double life and likes to strip then just get to know her and break her down like any other woman you want to date. persistance and confidence in your approach is best.

Apr 12 10 - 10:27am
HAY

@ teal: NO. unless you LIKE the pain. i hope that was a joke.
@ nyguy: whoa there, "break her down"?

definitely an entertaining column. much better than cosmo's 50 ways to please your man (put a donut on his dick and eat it off? waaat...really, cosmo?)

Apr 13 10 - 1:55pm
rh

And this is why she is a stipper; reat sex advice, terrible relationship advice.

Jun 03 10 - 3:47pm
psychologist

there's a balance between physical (genetic attractiveness level) , ability to mutually nurture (they really, really want you to feel good), and the ignored thing-- TIME -- quick everything is worshipped in quick-buck america. Your body needs time to believe this is a friend.

And doing the nasty, primitive stuff that makes your partner cum hard and feel content depends on them feeling safe.

Jun 03 10 - 11:50pm
Sarah Ma

i love it! especially the blowjob portion........don't forget the balls and the taint!!! hahahahah....

i wrote about something similiar on my blog...

http://sexandloveblog.com/

Jul 26 10 - 1:37am
Rose

Rocket and Kat had some good advice, but Hezzy is just a sad example of a trashy no class hoe who doesn't realise how much of what she believes is completely sexist.

Jun 09 11 - 11:24pm
Destry

What a joy to find somonee else who thinks this way.

Jul 05 11 - 12:36pm
KH

Well I'm a somewhat prudish woman, but I liked the advice from these women so much (especially Kat's) that I'm revising my opinion of strippers. Sex work isn't for me (either as a buyer or seller), but you ladies are clearly awesome. Way to represent.

Sep 07 11 - 7:23am
kaufen Generika Cial

eXDDjx Uh, well, explain me a please, I am not quite in the subject, how can it be???

Sep 28 11 - 4:46pm
j

you guys rock..

Sep 30 11 - 7:56pm
candy

you should fuck her up!make her get pregnet hump her man make the right noises too!