Advice

Sex Advice From Strong Silent Types

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Billy, 25

My boyfriend and I play with a lot of toys in the bedroom. It’s tons of fun, but it’s taken the spontaneity out of sex (“Just a sec honey, while I buckle this bit and make a couple more box knots…”). What can we do to make sex more spontaneous without giving up our toys?
Invite a third playmate into the ring. They might bring their own toys or at least offer variations on the games you’re already playing.

To get things going one night, I described a threesome with my man, me, and another girl. Now my guy thinks it’s actually going to happen! How do I break the news that it’s never ever happening? billy
Never say never. But if you’re not ready to bring in a third, remember that fantasy is often better than reality. Keep up with the dirty talk in bed, but remind your man that rolling the dice with a third partner is just as likely to produce a chronic farter as it is an Angelina Jolie.

How do I seduce a strong silent type?
Study Marcel Marceau routines. Actually, strong silent types love being pursued, as we often lack the conversational skills to go after what we really want. Just crack our self-imposed shells and we’ll be at your mercy.

I get really nervous on first dates and end up drinking too much to compensate. Very few of my dates find this “hot.” How can I relax and be myself?
Start dating fellow boozehounds. If that’s not your style, you should suggest a date spot where you’re comfortable

After a really great date, what’s the best way to say thank you?
If the date is with a strong silent type, laugh or feign interest in whatever he says at date’s end. We try, and often fail, to say the right thing, so encouragement is welcome. If that fails, make out.

What has being strong and silent taught you about dating?
Silent types often have to be strong to endure extended monologues from chatty dates. No one wants an awkward silence to last an entire date, and strong silent types try to contribute whatever they can muster. But it’s painful when both parties are left grasping at straws. Uma Thurman had it right in Pulp Fiction. You know you’ve found someone special when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

I’ve got a huge crush on this silent guy who I see sometimes at my local supermarket. How do I approach him?
Quietly. We scare easy.

Blessing, 23

I’ve never had an orgasm. What should I do?
Relax. Make sure you’re having sex with someone you care about and are very comfortable with, so you can stay focused without the pressure and distractions of a random hook-up. Get to know your body and what turns you on. You might want to try getting there yourself sex toys can be a great help because you’re really missing out.

I get really nervous on first dates and end up drinking too much to compensate. Very few of my dates find this “hot.” How can I relax and be myself?
Drugs. Just kidding. Don’t do drugs. Pace yourself with the drinks; give yourself a max for every hour and don’t break it. You can also try a double date, so you’ll have a friend to help relieve pressure and act as an extra alcohol checkpoint.blessing

What makes strong silent types better in the bedroom?
Well, strength and aggressiveness are definitely sexy in bed. If you’re pretty quiet outside of the bedroom, then the sounds you make in the bedroom are doubly sexy.

I love that my man is excited to get it on, but sometimes he cuts from foreplay to intercourse faster than is preferred. How can I get him to take his time without killing his enthusiasm?
Lead by example. Touch him where you want to be touched, tell him what you want him to do to you and show him that it turns you on. Of course, if he’s only got one thing on his mind, you’ll have to sit him down and talk it out. Sex makes men a little dense.

What has being strong and silent taught you about dating?
It’s easy to get into relationships and difficult to stay in them. People happily project their ideals and fantasies onto your silence before they really know you, and then give up when they discover that it’s hard to actually know you.

How do you spark someone’s interest without saying a word?
You definitely don’t need words to pique someone’s interest. Make sure your target/victim sees you, and then speak with your body. Let your eyes say, “I’m interested.” Your smile should say, “Come here.” And your hips say, “You want this.” This is especially helpful if you are someplace where it’s difficult to hear, like a crowded bar. Or if you are especially dumb.

After a really great date, what’s the best way to say thank you?
Sex. Or a really great second date I guess.

Narbeh, 25

I’ve got a great fuck buddy. The sex is hot, but he’s a total jerk who I can’t date. I’m worried if I spend too much time fucking him, I won’t be getting out enough to find a decent relationship. Where do I draw the line? narbeh
Have your cake and eat it too by scheduling your booty calls mid-week. This will open your weekends up for meeting new people, give you more time to evaluate your priorities and wean yourself off this guy, all while guaranteeing that you won’t go more than a few days without great sex.

I love that my man is excited to get it on, but sometimes he cuts from foreplay to intercourse faster than I want. How can I get him to take his time without killing his enthusiasm?
You need to help him realize the benefits of foreplay. Slow down the oral sex and try more mutually satisfying positions like the sixty-nine. Maybe it’s time to introduce whipped cream and chocolate sauce into the bedroom…

My girlfriend keeps telling me she wants to “get it on somewhere new,” hinting that a weekend trip would hit the spot. I’m not sure she realizes we’re in a recession. What’s the cheapest way to make this happen?
A recession means dirt-cheap hotel rates. Many four-star or better hotels are offering steep discounts and free third nights if you book two, so maybe its time for a mini-vacation. You don’t have to fly to an exotic destination to enjoy a change of scenery — just shop around your backyard for a nice room in a ritzy hotel and enjoy a few nights in the lap of luxury for pennies on the dollar versus traveling far and abroad.

I’ve never had an orgasm. What should I do?
It’s time to cast your shame aside and head to the nearest adult toy store. Pick out the two sex toys that most appeal to you — preferably the kind that vibrate. Then set aside some time on a Sunday afternoon, light some candles, take a warm bath, and when you’re nice and relaxed, think of something that really turns you on and explore with your new toys.

How do I seduce a strong silent type?
Be feisty. Be strong. Entice him with the thrill of the hunt. The last thing the strong silent type wants is a pushover.

What makes strong silent types better in the bedroom?
Strong silent equals quietly confident equals huge penis.