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Sex Advice from . . . Subway Performers

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Jessica Delfino, 30, has been performing in the subway for four years
jessydelfino.blogspot.com

What kind of cheap yet romantic date will give you the most bang for your buck?
Wandering the romantic West Side Highway is always a hoot. And there’s a tiny beach over on the East Side Highway, and sometimes there’s no garbage on it. That’s a nice place to crack open a cheap bottle of whiskey.

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How can I get into a subway performer’s pants?
I really like when guys put their worn business card from their restaurant in Queens in my guitar case, because that way I know at least they can feed me. Don’t ask them any questions about their instrument, how long they’ve been playing their instrument, if their instrument is in fact what you obviously know it is, and don’t ask them any questions about their music skill, because they know what you’d like to be saying is, “You’re pretty, do you want to go out with me?”

How would you handle a menstrual explosion during sex with a casual partner?
Pretend it happens every day. I would be like, “Yeah, here it is again. Thank God!”

A quickie in an empty subway car: sexy or repellant?
If it’s a brand-new 6 train, it’s okay.

You’re in an elevator with someone you’re attracted to. You have thirty seconds to hit on them, and there are other people in the elevator with you. What do you do?
Swallow your pride, tell them they’re pretty and ask them if they want to go on a date with you. And if you’re too afraid to ask them, just hand them your business card and muster an “I’m hot” smile.

I’m an attractive female intern who works in an office dominated by men. Is it okay for me to use my sex appeal to level the playing field?
I strongly recommend that all women fuck their way to the top. If you’re smart and you can outsmart the guys in the office, then do that. If you have a good vagina, use your good vagina. If you have a good brain, use your good brain.

Stefan Zeniuk, 26, has been performing in the subway for ten years
www.newyorkhowl.com

How can I get into a subway performer’s pants?
Have your dog fake-attack me. Pugs are good. I generally try to stay way from the Rottweilers.

I suspect that my boyfriend may be cheating on me. Is it okay for me to snoop around on his cell phone for evidence?
No.

If I do and I find something suspicious, should I confront him?
Yeah, you should confront him, but then keep in mind that you’re also guilty of violating personal space.

How can I hit on someone in the subway without seeming like a total creep?
The subway is a depressing environment. Try not to stand too close. You get a lot of weirdos invading your personal space on the subway, so keep a little distance, but make eye contact.

How would you handle a menstrual explosion during sex with a casual partner?
It depends on their reaction as well as yours. Depending on them, you can keep going and pretend like it never happened.

What’s the best way to use music to seduce someone?
Put on something that’s sexy but not too aggressive and not too danceable. Sometimes that can imply rhythmic motion too heavily, which can actually detract from what you’re trying to do.

Jeff Dickinson, 26, has been performing in the subway for three years
www.myspace.com/jeffdickinson


I’m an attractive female intern who works in an office dominated by men. Is it okay for me to use my sex appeal to level the playing field?
It’s okay to use it a little, but you have to be careful that it’s not what you’re known for, because as soon as you try to use that to level the playing field, other people might assume that you don’t have the necessary tools to advance naturally.

How can condom use be made more pleasurable?
Get the super-sweet, super-lubricated, super-thin-membrane condom that’s not even there. Except it is.

How would you handle a menstrual explosion during sex with a casual partner?
I would be like, “Are you okay? Is this menstrual?” Upon finding out it was menstrual, I’d be fine.

How can I get into a subway performer’s pants?
I’ve had a girl try to stand really close to me in the subway. That was really interesting. If you’re not truly into their music, just fake it.

A quickie in an empty subway car: sexy or repellant?
That’s cool. It’s me having the quickie, right?

What’s the best way to use music to seduce someone?
Learn Leonard Cohen songs and sing them softly into her ear.

Brer Brian, 30, has been performing in the subway for eight years.
www.myspace.com/brer


You’re in an elevator with someone you’re attracted to. You have thirty seconds to hit on them, and there are other people in the elevator with you. What do you do?
I would immediately start miming.

How can condom use be made more pleasurable?
Get the colored ones.

How would you handle a menstrual explosion during sex with a casual partner?
Just politely leave and wash up as quickly as possible.

How can I get into a subway performer’s pants?
Leave a note in their instrument case.

What’s the best way to use music to seduce someone?
Just be a sexy musician. If you got it, you got it.  

Interviews by Tanya O’Debra. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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