Advice

Sex Advice from Swing Dancers

Pin it

Q: “Are dancers better in bed?” A: “Strong core muscles, knowledge of how to move their hips, plenty of endurance. Hell, yes.”

Braden, 23

I've heard swing dancers travel to "dance exchanges" in far-away cities. Do you ever hook up at these exchanges?
I never have, though there’s no reason I couldn't have. I mean, you spend a weekend getting all sweaty and close with people, not to mention drinking copiously. I think the big thing though is to remember that the primary objective of most dancers is to dance. If they think you're more interested in getting in their pants than dancing, you just come off as a creeper.

Are dancers really better in bed?
Hell yes. I mean, come on now — strong core muscles, intimate knowledge of how to move their hips, not to mention plenty of endurance.

What is a "swing out," and what can it teach me about sex and dating?
A swing out is one of the single hardest moves of any partner dance in existence. It contains elements of trust, self-control, communication, feeling good and having fun.

My boyfriend wants to finish on my face when we're having sex, but I think it's degrading to women, and to me. He's been trying to convince me that it's just a new level of intimacy. We're kind of at an impasse here. What should we do?
Intimacy? Really? No. It's a new level of porn star. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the hot porn-star action, but if it's not something you're comfortable with, don't do it. And if he's going to be a prick about it, you could always rub it in his face and see how he likes it.

I know this is petty, but I hate my boyfriend’s Facebook picture. I'm almost embarrassed to be seen "in a relationship" with him. Do I get a say?
I think it's important to be attracted to the one you’re with, but let's assume for the moment that you are, and it's just the picture you have an issue with. If that's the case, and this is that big of an issue to you, then it's clear that you care more about how he makes you look, as opposed to the man himself. So ask yourself: is he a trophy, or is he someone you're actually interested in?

What should I do if I'm on a date with a guy and he starts getting all into dominant/submissive talk and activities? I'm not interested in that kind of play, but he seems like a great guy otherwise.
Tell him, duh. Seriously, talk this shit out early — as soon as subjects like this start to come up. Maybe it's a vital part of him getting his rocks off, and thus it's a dealbreaker for him if you're not into it. If that's the case, then you can part ways amicably and not have to go through a bunch of pointless drama.

I'm a proud lesbian, and I've just started dating an amazing woman. As a person she knocks my socks off — she's so caring, and she's amazing in bed, but she hates all the music, art, and movies I love, and I'm not a big fan of her tastes either. If I'd seen her online-dating profile, I'd have moved on right away. Can we work it out anyway?
If you're a very independent person, and so is she, then it may not matter so much, since you'll both spend a lot of time doing your own thing anyway. If one or the other really likes sharing those pastimes, then maybe it's time to move on. There are plenty of hot sexy lesbians in the sea.

I was a virgin before I started seeing my boyfriend. After a couple of months of going out, we finally had sex, and it was great, but then he revealed to me that he'd been lying when he told me he wasn't a virgin, too. It turns out he was, but he was afraid I wouldn't sleep with him if I knew. I feel totally betrayed. What should I do?
Take a nap. No, seriously, take a nap. Then call him up, and talk to him. Was it wrong for him to lie? Hells yes. Is it really a betrayal? Hells no. He's just insecure. So talk to him. Also decide if the insecurity is a dealbreaker or not.

Jame, 27

I've heard swing dancers travel to "dance exchanges" in faraway cities. Do you ever hook up at these exchanges?
There's a lot of flirting that goes on, but I've only hooked up at an exchange once.

I think lots of people would like to date a swing dancer, but what's the best reason not to?
Some people were talking about this at an exchange and the best reason I heard was, "Dancers don't date. They just dance and fuck." Some guys are commitment-phobic because they know it's easier to impress girls with their moves and find their next hookup.

My girlfriend and I have been sleeping together for five months and dating for two. Things seem to be going great so far. Should we take a vacation together, or is it too early?
That depends. I think a quick weekend getaway would be fun, but a big week-long trip might be a bit much that early on.

My boyfriend wants to finish on my face when we're having sex, but I think it's degrading to women, and to me. He's been trying to convince me that it's just a new level of intimacy. We're kind of at an impasse here. What should we do?
It doesn't matter which one of you is right. If you're not comfortable doing it, that's the end of the discussion. There are plenty of other things you can do.

I know this is petty, but I hate my boyfriend’s Facebook picture. I'm almost embarrassed to be seen "in a relationship" with him. Do I get a say?
If you're going to be embarrassed about being seen in a relationship with him, you should think about why you're with him. But really, it's just Facebook. I've seen people in relationships with their cat. Don't take it too seriously.

What should I do if I'm on a date with a guy and he starts getting all into dominant/submissive talk and activities on me? I'm not interested in that kind of play, but he seems like a great guy otherwise.
At least he's open about what he's into. No use beating around the bush! Maybe try sharing what you like and see if he's interested in that. If you can't find any common ground, you'll both need to broaden your horizons or find somebody else.

I was a virgin before I started seeing my boyfriend. After a couple of months of going out, we finally had sex, and it was great, but then he revealed to me that he'd been lying when he told me he wasn't a virgin, too. It turns out he was, but he was afraid I wouldn't sleep with him if I knew. I feel totally betrayed. What should I do?
Everyone has some insecurities about pleasing their significant other, especially if it's their first time! Talk to him and build up trust so you know you can tell each other anything. And that trust will help the sex get even better!

John, 22

I've heard swing dancers travel to "dance exchanges" in far-away cities. Do you ever hook up at these exchanges?
Yes, there are definitely some hook-ups at exchanges. Sometimes these events unite long-distance partners, sometimes people just pack condoms. Personally, I've only done some lip-locking out of town.

Are dancers really better in bed?
Sometimes yes. There are plenty of conservative dancers, mind you. But being able to isolate and move the hips is rather useful. I think dancing can also make dancers feel sexy and confident, an excellent mental benefit if transferred to the bedroom.

What is a "swing out," and what can it teach me about sex and dating?
A "swing out" is the basic of the Lindy Hop, which is in no way basic. Dancers are constantly trying to improve their technique and learn new things to make it better for them and their partner. In a partnered dance, one leads and one follows, and the follow often tries to add input within the structure the lead gives her. To be blunt, just because someone's on top, doesn't mean the other person should lie there — play along, participate. It's fun when you do it together.

My boyfriend wants to finish on my face when we're having sex, but I think it's degrading to women, and to me. He's been trying to convince me that it's just a new level of intimacy. We're kind of at an impasse here. What should we do?
I wouldn't knock it till I've tried it, nor would I call it “a new level of intimacy.” It’s just a new way of finishing. If you try it, you don't enjoy it, and you feel degraded, then you don't have to try again. I'm leaning towards your side on this  because I can't imagine anything but a psychological effect for your partner. But I've heard that some women find it enjoyable.

I know this is petty, but I hate my boyfriend’s Facebook picture. I'm almost embarrassed to be seen "in a relationship" with him. Do I get a say?
I really dislike Facebook, but in this day and age you have to deal with it. Maybe in time you'll take a nice picture together or something that he'll like, but until then I don't think Facebook is worth the bother. In fact, if you aren't already in a relationship with him on Facebook, don't be! I don't think it's necessary.

I'm a proud lesbian, and I've just started dating an amazing woman. As a person she knocks my socks off — she's so caring, and she's amazing in bed, but she hates all the music, art and movies I love, and I'm not a big fan of her tastes either. If I'd seen her online-dating profile, I'd have moved on right away. Can we work it out anyway?
If you have nothing in common, then I'm not sure it will work out. I had a girlfriend who didn't like the same food I liked and it was a dealbreaker. You might have some shared hobby or interest that would make it workable. I don't think you have to have everything in common to make things work, but it's certainly a large obstacle. Enjoy the sex, look for something you can do together, and keep your eyes open for other ladies.

I was a virgin before I started seeing my boyfriend. After a couple of months of going out, we finally had sex, and it was great, but then he revealed to me that he'd been lying when he told me he wasn't a virgin, too. It turns out he was, but he was afraid I wouldn't sleep with him if I knew. I feel totally betrayed. What should I do?
I'm hoping you're only feeling betrayed because he wasn't honest, but he eventually revealed the truth. And the reality of the situation is he hadn't been with anyone except you and you were each other's firsts, which is actually something that some might find sweet. I think you can get over this; just try to make sure the lines of communication are open and honest, even about sexual topics. I'm sure he's just as nervous as you are about sex and does not want to disappoint.