Sex Advice From SXSW Bands

"Who doesn't love writing a big breakup song? It's the biggest relief."

by Grace Bello

SXSW Music starts next week. In celebration, we got sex advice from three musicians who'll be playing at the festival.

Ori Kaplan

Balkan Beat Box, formerly of Gogol Bordello
Tel Aviv, Israel

You've lived all over the world. How does dating compare in all the places you've been?
I hear that, in Israel, it is more difficult than anywhere else. Israeli men are playing it tough and are unavailable — my girl friends say, "Where are all the good men?" New York is like a candy shop where you try to catch all the candy, and you're left with nothing in your hands. I'm always trying to hook up my European friends; I can't find the right man to hook up with my European female friends in France and Germany and Austria.

Were you single when you were in Europe?
I was single when touring in Europe. I lived in Europe because of a woman — I moved to a new continent. In New York, I didn't find the right one, but finally, a European woman caught me. Lucky me!

What are Gogol Bordello groupies like?
Very excited, very forthcoming. It's anything from modern hippies to punks to anthropology students, usually quite smart and global in their worldview.

What are Balkan Beat Box groupies like? Are they similar?
In some ways. They tend to be a bit more into electronica. I sometimes find them more sophisticated — fewer mosh-pit, punk guys, more individuals.

Were you single back when you were in Gogol Bordello?
For a time, yes. For most of it, I was not.

Did being in Gogol Bordello ever get you laid?
Several times. On special occasions. Not in the serial way, because I've toured before, and that's something that gets boring after a while. It's a shallow experience after a while. I tend to be more introverted and save my energy for the stage. I started touring when I was thirty. Now I'm forty. If I'd been touring when I was twenty-two or twenty-three, maybe that would be a different story. But I think I got the gist of it after two years touring with several bands. I understood it quite quickly, and I was more of a serial monogamist.

Did you meet your wife through playing in a band? How did you meet her?
I met my wife on tour with a band called Firewater in Vienna. We had a beer on the river, and at the time, I had a girlfriend, and she had a boyfriend. So nothing happened. We kept in touch for four years, and then, after four years, she came to a show while I was touring in Europe. I was single, she was single. And then the magic happened. We clicked. And I kept visiting her in Vienna between tours. One summer, I stayed in Europe for the whole summer between tours. We traveled around the Balkans; she's Croatian. After the magic summer, we had to make a decision. I figured I'd like to experience living in Europe — it was always kind of a romantic idea, to live in Europe for a few years. I packed up my stuff, I said goodbye to the lousy New York dating scene, and I moved to Vienna.

I've been dating this girl for a couple of months and I really like her. Does a couple of months mean that we're "dating?" Should I bring up the whole "where is this going" question?
I think it's reasonable after two months to ask that question. If you've found the one and you want to get serious, two months is a sufficient time to ask that question.

I'm a thirty-two-year-old woman, and I've never been in a committed relationship. I tried getting set up, but to no avail. How can I meet eligible, single men?
Take some out-of-the-blue, leisure-type course, like a foreign language course, or go to a gym. Or you can just go to bars and get laid.

I'm a guy who recently broke up with my girlfriend of one year. I subscribe to her Twitter, and she has these passive-aggressive messages that might refer to me. I prefer not to be in contact with her at all, but should I call her out on it?
Yeah, I think honesty is the first rule of thumb. I would ask clearly rather than wonder, "Does she hate me?" I would definitely ask.

I've had a crush on a guy at work for a few months now. He's my age, and he's married, but he and his wife recently separated. How do I gracefully swoop in and get with him?
Try as best you can to be spontaneous. "There's a great restaurant downstairs. Do you want to have a drink sometime? Let me know." A nonchalant way. Try not to be pushy or overexcited. Be kind of spontaneous. The needy thing doesn't translate, usually.

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Commentarium (6 Comments)

Mar 12 12 - 3:56pm
src

"Mike: I think you can kind of tell when someone is on the prowl."

Yup! You definitely can.

Mar 12 12 - 11:53pm
Jinna

Ugh, the Haim lady sounded blech.

Mar 15 12 - 12:56pm
Jaime

LOL - So the solution to asking you out is negging you and offering you food.
Exactly. If you treat me like shit, and then you offer me food, that's how you get in my pants. That's actually a surefire way. Panties are already on the floor.

Mar 18 12 - 10:11am
Thank you!

Thank you, Jinna! I agree. It always ticks me off when women go out of their way to sound so casual about sex, and so unaffected by all that surrounds it. Maybe they think that helps them with their 'Too-Cool-For-School' hipster cred?...Or in this case, judging by their look in the picture..nouveau bohemian hipster cred. ha! LAME. What would make it even funnier would be if she was like, 22 0r 23. In that case, I'd say "uh..yeah. not buying it, hon!" 'yahhh thanks for the burger, dude. Let's bang.'

Mar 21 12 - 1:05pm
Jinna

Yeah! I know. I'm not trying to judge her or guess where she's coming from, but dude or lady or other, I don't perceive a very thoughtful or articulate vibe from her. Again...blech.

Sep 16 12 - 6:59am
Pelham

I may be a little late to the party here, but does no-one else get the vibe that she might be, you know, joking around...? And since when were men the only ones who are allowed to be casual and unaffected by sex and it's attendant rules/social norms? You've no evidence to suggest that there's any kind of cynical motive behind how she things about sex. You don't know that she's gone "out of her way". Some people just have a sense of humour...