Advice

Sex Advice from . . . Synchronized Swimmers

Pin it
 REGULARS
Sex advice...

  Send to a Friend
  Printer Friendly Format
  Leave Feedback
  Read Feedback
  Nerve RSS

Elise, 20

What are your feelings on sex in a pool?
Sex in the pool isn’t the best idea because, technically, water is being shoved up your vagina. But if you decide to do it, don’t flop around like a fish. Instead, find techniques that work in the water. The buoyancy facilitates standing-sex, and you can use the stairs to experiment with different positions.

What’s the best way to get a coworker to notice you?
Wit is always in style. If all else fails, show some cleavage and let the rest happen naturally.

promotion

I keep running into my random hookup at the gym. How should I handle that?
Just say hi. Just because you’re acknowledging each other doesn’t mean everyone knows you’ve had sex, or that you’re inviting your hookup to have sex with you again.

My boyfriend and I began swimming laps together, but I’m faster than him. I think he’s jealous. What should I do?
Try doing something together that he’s better at, like running or lifting. He probably feels stripped of his masculinity, so you could always promise him a throw-me-down sack session after a pool workout to motivate him.

If you have sex, do you still have to go to the gym that day?
Unless your sexual exploits are two-hour marathons of every position in the Kama Sutra, you’re not going to get the same workout in bed as you would through cardio. Sex only burns 100-150 calories an hour. You can think of sex as a fun activity that keeps you mentally and physically healthy, but you shouldn’t toss your gym membership.

I gave a one-night stand a fake name, but I want to see him again. What should I do?
If he didn’t seem that into it, it might not be the best idea to pursue him, because your initial lie will be a major turn-off. But if you clicked, come clean right away. Think of a very good explanation for why you did it (not another lie), like you didn’t think it would go much further than the initial meeting. If he accepts, you’ll probably need to do some major trust-building right off the bat.

Stuart, 37

How can I tell my boyfriend he doesn’t have the body for a Speedo?
Tell him he’s too well-endowed. You’ll never anger a man by telling him he’s too hung.

Is there any way to give “constructive criticism” about bathing-suit choice to a girl?
Always talk about color, never talk about cut. If you say, “That color doesn’t bring out your eyes,” she can’t get mad. If you say, “The cut of that swimsuit reminds me that technically, whales have a swimmer’s build too,” you’re in trouble.

When I go down on my boyfriend I feel like I’m suffocating. Any breathing techniques?
Synchronized swimmers conserve our air by relaxing and focusing on our next move. I imagine that’s good advice for any situation.

What are your thoughts on sex in pools?
Way overrated. Do it once, and you will never look at egg-drop soup the same way again.

Any advice for not feeling self-conscious the first time someone sees you naked?
Take up synchronized swimming. Spinning upside down with your legs in the air while wearing a sequined Speedo in front of an audience makes dropping trou no more eventful than sneezing. If that doesn’t work, masturbate in front of a mirror.

Should you ever confess to faking?
A woman should never confess unless she finds out her partner is cheating on her. Then she should tell him in a public setting in front of all his friends and coworkers, whether it’s true or not.

My boyfriend and I began swimming laps together, but I’m faster than him. I think he’s jealous. What should I do?
Pick your worst stroke and swim that when you’re working out with him. Unless he really sucks, it’s doubtful your breaststroke is faster than his freestyle.

Genital piercings: good or bad idea?
Good idea — within reason. There’s a guy at my gym who attached a bell to the end of his Prince Albert piercing and he sounds like a Salvation Army Santa whenever he walks into the shower. Don’t be him.


Amy, 32

I have a scar across my stomach that some people find repellent. What’s the best way to tell someone I’m going to sleep with for the first time?
I can totally relate to this. You should see my back. Scars are your body’s story. They are a physical roadmap of your life. Share the story of your scar before you sleep with them.

Is there any way to give constructive criticism about bathing-suit choice to a girl?
Look for ways to accentuate positive features. Try, “The low-rise cut on this suit is hard to pull off. This other suit would really accentuate your great legs.”

What’s the best way to get a coworker to notice you?
Find out what their interests are and see if you have that in common, or be willing to try something they’re interested in and start talking about it.

Should you ever confess to faking?
No. Why should you both be disappointed?

How do I tell my boyfriend he doesn’t have the body for a Speedo?
If your boyfriend isn’t an Olympian, he has no business wearing a Speedo. Tell him you think board shorts are hot.

I keep running into my random hookup at the gym. How should I handle that?
Smile, be confident, move on. Don’t let anybody change your gym routine.


Claudia, 21

Any advice for sex in a pool?
Ironically, some people can get really dry in the pool. If you’re going to go for it, make sure the chemicals are checked regularly.

I have a scar across my stomach that some people find repellent. What’s the best way to tell someone I’m going to sleep with for the first time?
If it’s a one-night stand, make up a cool story and incorporate it into whatever efforts you’re making to impress them beforehand.

Should you ever confess to faking?
Yes. If he thinks it’s too easy he won’t really try. If he thinks it’s impossible, he won’t try either. So don’t be afraid to give him that “A for effort” now and then if you have to.

How do I get a guy who I slept with once to repeat this one particular great sex move?
Just gush about how much you liked it. Guys like their egos stroked as least as much as their penises.

If you have sex, do you really have to go to the gym that day?
Not if you’re on top.

I gave a one-night stand a fake name, but I decided I want to see him again. What should I do?
You run into him a while from now, and when he “mistakes you for someone else,” break down about the tragic recent death of your twin sister. Then he takes charge of making you feel better, and after the weirdness of doing a dead girl’s sister subsides, you’ll be in the sack again. It’ll be just like a movie, complete with the huge fight when he finds out!
 

Interviews by JL Scott. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

Previous Sex Advice


RELATED ARTICLES
Sex Advice From Sudoku Champions by Hilda Hoy
Sex Advice From Colon Therapists by Kai Ma
Sex Advice From Irish Americans by Nicole Ankowski
Sex Advice From Lesbian Oil Wrestlers by Katie Liederman
Sex Advice From Rock Climbers by Kristin Gangwer

©2007 JL Scott & Nerve.com, Inc.