Sex Advice From Tantric Buddhists

By Sarah Beall

Douglas, 60 

What has being a Tantric Buddhist taught you about sex and dating? 
Sex can be a way to realize the natural openness of bliss beyond conception and attachment. Dating is a kind of foreplay to arouse yourself and your partner, which will intensify your mutual experience of bliss. 
 
What’s the best reason to date a Tantric Buddhist? 
You will be able to experience the ultimate sexual experience and spiritual realization. 
 
What’s the best way to pick up a Tantric Buddhist? 
You should take Buddhist refuge and Bodhisattva vows, receive "awakened mind" instructions from your guru, complete the preliminary Vajrayana practices and begin to do a Yab-Yum visualization practice. In addition, you should have a karmic link with your potential consort and be open and compassionate and full of passion. 
 
My boyfriend and I come from different spiritual backgrounds. While I don’t see this as a dealbreaker, what’s frustrating to me is the way he keeps trying to get me to come to all his church events, when I’ve already told him I’m not interested. Should I just bite my tongue and tag along or stand my ground and risk having a huge argument? 
Why waste time with him? Life is short, and you won’t be young and attractive forever. 

My ex-girlfriend and I are super-close, and it's driving my current girlfriend crazy. I've tried my best to reassure her that nothing's going on, but every time I hang out with my ex, my girlfriend grills me when I get home. Do I have to stop seeing my ex? 
If you want to keep your ex in your life and keep your current girlfriend too, somehow they will have to become friends. Introduce them; they might just have a great time together talking about you.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and things have gotten a little monotonous in the bedroom. What’s the best way to liven things up? 
Make a special time with each other, bathe together, drink some wine, and tell each other how much you love each other. 
 
My new boyfriend is an awful kisser. I really want to keep dating him, but it’s gotten to the point where I avoid anything more than a closed-mouth kiss. How do I teach him to kiss the way I like? 
Just be direct and tell him and show him exactly what you want. Be patient and give him a little practice time. I find this is good advice to a woman who wants anything from her man. Men are teachable, and explicit instruction is usually the most effective.