Not a member? Sign up now
Warhol said that everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes; Nerve believes that anyone can be a sexpert for at least thirty seconds. In this series, we ask average citizens — all representatives of a specific walk of life — to school us on various sexual matters.
Is the recreational use of Viagra a good idea?
HA HA HA! Good grief. Well, it depends on many things. Generally speaking, young men will not need this medication. If they do not have strength in the bedroom, then this is on many occasions a matter of the mind, not of the loins.
Well, suppose a young, virile guy such as yourself feels like having a little extra push?
Hmmm. I suppose there may be times that it could be useful, if you need to be really, really strong. But you know, I have thirty years — not a young man but not an old man — and I have a wonderful sexual life, so I do not have any use for it.
How about if there were two chicks?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my goodness. Well, I will tell you, I think that it is just better to get a little bit drunk, no? I think that for young man Viagra is simply too powerful.
Alcohol is nature's Viagra.
Yes, my friend. Unless there is too much. Then it's like, um, what is this thing? Kryptonite!
What's the most discouraging thing a woman can do in bed?
Um . . . well, if they not happy with you then it will show and this is a terrible thing, terrible. You feel bad, she feel bad. Hmmm, what else. They must not make you angry. That is also very horrible.
I gave my number to a girl at a concert. I found out that she has a boyfriend. We've been hanging out for a month, and she hasn't mentioned him. Should I dump her?
When you realized this, you must also realize that you have a choice to be with her. I think that if you show that you are good man to her, and that you grow to like her, then you must take her over. You know, from the first man. She has too a choice. She has now seen that you are good to her and you know, treat her like a lady, and then she must decide. After a month of this, you must find out if she continues with this other man. If so, then you must confront her. If, after this time, she wants the both of you . . . well, this is terrible.
I want to be a blowjob queen. How can I become one?
You just tell me you liked the girl from the concert! You are crazy!
No, no, not me personally.
You have many troubles! Ha ha ha. You're a crazy guy, no?
No, it's a question from someone else. A reader letter.
Ah, I see. Well, this is difficult. But I think, you know, she's a woman, she have to learn to make man feel good. It's my job to make woman feel good, you know. So I think my advice is to spend a long time doing it. If it two, three minute and can't do it no more, that isn't good sex. Maybe take Viagra! Ha ha ha ha.
What's the best way to coax women into having group sex?
Um. Ha ha ha ha. Most ladies, they want to be with one man, you understand? But two girl, three girl. It depends on how you are to them. If you are nice then maybe, you know sometime, they will have sex with you. To me, I like to have two girls at the same time. Like heaven, no? HA HA HA HA HA HA!
What's a good sex toy for someone who is afraid of sex toys?
[Incredulous] Afraid of them? Explain please.
As in reluctant to use one.
Ah, because their use is somewhat stigmatized?
A good way to start would be to use the toys with your sex, you know? Use your body naturally and at the same time you use the sex toys with her. People use sex toys originally because they don't have a man. And perhaps that women feel like people think they be lonesome and sad. So my advice is to introduce them when with a man, and then it stands for pleasure, you know. Not being bashful or fat.
Right. Where's the best place to have sex in public?
It depends. You can be in Central Park and have sex although this makes no sense to me because you know, you could go to bar and do it in the bathroom.
How about in the back of a cab. Does that happen a lot?
HA HA HA. Most of the time. They are having sex, and I catch them. I say, "Hey what you do?" and they say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." And I say, "Hey, you should ask me if you want to do that, you know." And then they say, "I'll take care of you man, I'll care of you." I don't mind, really. You have to give people a break sometime. Not everyone can afford to have a hotel room for a night if they live with their mother, you know. And I know how it is, man. If you have to do it, you have to do it. HA HA HA HA HA!
So would you stop anyone if they were halfway through?
Sometimes, if they seem disrespectful or I'm angry. Sometimes.
What if they were two women?
Then I take the long way. You understand? HA HA HA HA HA HA!