Israel, 59

When your lover asks about your past sexual encounters, is honesty the best policy?
You want advice? Make sex with Canadian women. American women, they are good, but Canadian women? Boy.

Really?
I tell you, when I came to America thirty years ago . . . how old are you?

Twenty-seven.
Ah yes, so it was around your age. I was a lifeguard in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. There was bus of tourists from Montreal, you know, in Canada. And I tell you, these women, they just want to have good times, you know? Not like American women. Different. Very open, free, very nice. Smiling and things like this. Anyway, one woman, she sees me and she waves and say hello. Her husband work all of the time, so she take vacation with her daughter. So we have some wine in her hotel room and then have crazy sex all night. But we had to be quiet because her daughter is sleeping in other room. Her daughter is seventeen and very sad. You know, look sad and everything. The next night we do the same thing, again very quiet. On the third night, the mother says to me that the daughter, her daughter, is virgin. And that I should be with her. She tells me to get in bed with girl while she is sleeping, you know? I say, "Are you sure?" and she tell me that, yes, she wants daughter to be with a good man, experienced man, for first time. So very quietly, I come in room and get into bed with girl. First she is upset. But her mother says it okay and then we make sex all of the night. The next morning the girl is so happy, and the mother is so grateful to me. We have breakfast, and then they go home. We keep in touch for a few years after this. I tell you, Canada is a great place.

Commentarium (13 Comments)

Mar 24 04 - 1:20pm
MJR

I have been laughing for so long my stomache hurts and my face feels kinda numb. I freakin' love this new column! Great writing, great idea. I'm just saying.

Mar 24 04 - 10:35am
sh

This is the best of Nerve's features. I love them all, but this is the best yet. God bless these virile cabbies!

Mar 24 04 - 11:01am
bog

These interviews are hilarious! Sort of Taxi Cab Confessions reversed or something, I dig. This new column is awesome, can't wait for the next one..

Mar 25 04 - 1:15am
GDE

That dude's Canadian story was MESSED UP! Ha. And the first guy, he was great! I want to hang out with that guy! Anyone with a sense of humor is great.

Mar 24 04 - 3:07pm
mg

"I tell you, Canada is a great place."

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! :)

Mar 25 04 - 12:15am
EK

As everyone else said, I love these columns, but this is the best one yet...I underestimated taxi drivers! Grant's insertion of things like "audibly flummoxed" added a lot to it.

Mar 25 04 - 5:53pm
:O)

"I want to be a blowjob queen. How can I become one?"
"You just tell me you liked the girl from the concert! You are crazy!"

"No, no, not me personally."
"You have many troubles! Ha ha ha. You're a crazy guy, no?"

This is great!

Mar 25 04 - 7:03pm
AW

I laughed. I cried. Soy milk came out my nose.

Mar 27 04 - 1:12pm
FL

Who knew cab drivers were such founts of wisdom? Great article!

Mar 29 04 - 5:17pm
TST

Wow, I always wondered what it was like to be on the other side of the "big lucite panel."

Mar 30 04 - 8:40pm
M

Canada IS a great place. Hilarious.

Mar 31 04 - 9:54pm
cc

totally excellent, lots of fun, very real, love it, thanks.

Apr 04 04 - 4:44pm
TJ

All of the interwiewees were awesome, but I think you could have found a better cultural variety than was used in this piece.