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Sex Advice From . . . the Donnas

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Throughout six albums, highlighted by last year’s relentless radio hit “Take It Off,” the hard-rocking Donnas have demonstrated they know how to show a listener a good time. Vocalist Brett Anderson (above, second from right) and bassist Maya Ford (far left) took a break from touring their latest album, “Gold Medal,” to extend their hedonistic wisdom to you.

How do I avoid awkwardness and clichés when I want to invite someone up to my apartment after a date?
Brett: Wow, I’ve never been able to do that.
Maya: Just be straightforward. Say, “Hey, do you want to come up to my apartment? Maybe we can make out.” ‘Cause obviously if you’re asking them to come up to your apartment, you’re gonna make out: that’s the only reason. And then it’s not a cliché because you’re being straightforward.

I recently noticed that I only have sex when I’m drunk or stoned. All of a sudden I’m really nervous to have sex sober, and I even find myself questioning my ability to meet women without the aid of substance. What can I do to get off the wagon and make it happen between the sheets?
Brett: You know, it sounds like there are some bigger problems going on there. Maybe you shouldn’t have any sex for a while — just deal with your issues.
Maya: Join AA. When you join AA you’re supposed to be single and not have sex with anyone for a year. He should recover from his alcohol problems and then go find himself a girlfriend.

My partner wants me to wear a cock ring. She says it intensifies the pleasure she receives during sex. I want to make her happy, but imagining myself wearing a sex toy makes me feel inadequate. Is there a way to phase out that feeling?
Maya: You should just do it, because you want your partner to be happy. If it heightens her sexual pleasure, it will heighten yours.
Brett: Yeah. You don’t have to do it every time. You could try it just once.
Maya: Experiment — try it.
Brett: And if you hate it, you could make the sex really bad. You know, like when you have to wash the dishes, you “break them” so you don’t have to wash them anymore. She’ll never ask again.
Maya: And make her do something in return for you wearing a cock ring so you feel better about it. So you’re getting rewarded and she feels better about it.
Brett: Yeah, like make her eat dog food. With a collar on.

I hooked up with a colleague at work. Now it seems to have fizzled out quite naturally, and another guy at that job is interested in me. Is it a bad idea to double-dip at work?
Maya: It depends on what kind of a workplace it is. Does everyone gossip? Would both those guys high-five each other, like, “Yeah! We banged her!" It could be end up being uncomfortable for you.
Brett: You should find out if the first guy also thinks it fizzled out naturally. He might actually be into her, and then that could be dramatic. And the other guy could be his friend.
Maya: You could be breaking up a friendship and making things uncomfortable at work.
Brett: Nobody wants to go to work anyway, so nobody needs another reason not to want to go.

Sex in public: what are the best locales?
Maya: I think the best place to have sex in public is . . . a place that’s not so public. Like maybe a cave.
Brett: A cave on the beach.
Maya: Yeah, a cave on the beach. Where you know nobody will find you. You really don’t want to get found having sex outside.
Brett: The idea is definitely much better than the reality.
Maya: It would be really embarrassing. Maybe try a car in a secluded area.

What’s a good pick-up line?
Brett: “What are you doing later? I’ll buy all your drinks.” It worked for me.
Maya: I was in this pizza place, and a guy walked in, and I said, “You want to make out?” That worked for me.

What’s the best combination for a threesome: two guys and a girl or two girls and a guy?
Brett: Two guys and a girl, because it’s the one you hear about the least. I like to root for the underdog.

What’s the best song/style of music for getting it on?
Brett: It depends on so many things: who you’re with, and if you’re making love or just fucking. You could listen to death metal. That could really work.
Maya: The Buzzcocks’ “Orgasm Addict” might get you into it. Or be really romantic and soulful and go with Aretha Frankin. You don’t want to play a song the person you’re having sex with doesn’t like. If you’re really into the Grateful Dead and they’re not, then don’t play the Grateful Dead.
Brett: If you want to be indie, you could listen to the Virgin Suicides soundtrack.

I want to be the best male groupie ever. Do you have any tips for me?
Maya: Shower, shower, shower!
Brett: Brush your teeth, shave, floss.
Maya: Be nice, courteous . . .
Brett: . . . funny, cute . . .
Maya: And try to have a spot picked out where we could conceivably make out. Try to have a plan. You could be like, “Hey why don’t you come over here to this dark corner and make out with me." So it’s not up to us to figure out. It’s all up to you. Since you’re the groupie, you can tell us what to do.  


Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Do you have sex-advice questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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