I've always fantasized about having sex with a man in uniform. What can I say to my normal, sexually vanilla boyfriend to convince him to dress up like a bellhop during sex?
DF: Tell him there’s going to be tipping involved.
ST: Do it from a hotel room and actually request a toothbrush. Have him bring it up to your room, where he can brush your potty mouth.

What are some good pick-up lines that a guy can use without getting laughed at? 
DF: I don’t think there are any. I think their best bet is to be really attractive. The only way to not be laughed at by women is to be really attractive.
ST: Have a really big lap. That might help. Or wait, did you say lap dances or laughed at?
DF: Why would a man want a really good pick-up line to not get lap dances?

What's the most overrated erogenous zone? And underrated?
DF: Overrated? The brain. Come on, ladies, pay attention to the cock. And underrated...
[Fellow member Mark McKinney walks in.]
ST: Speaking of! Mark is the most underrated erogenous zone.
Mark McKinney: Entirely. Stem to stern.
DF: “Stem to stern”? I couldn’t think of a more ridiculous phrase.

I went on a first date with a great guy, but then he disappeared. Now, three months later, he’s calling me, asking for a second date. What should I do?
DF: Ask him how bad all those dates in between were, since you got back on the roster.
ST: Tell him, “The next time you’re on a date, don’t wear your invisibility cloak.”
DF: “Your emotional invisibility cloak.”
ST: Which they’re actually on the verge of making.
DF: An emotional invisibility cloak? The British have had those for centuries. No but really, the British have been working on an actual invisibility cloak, inspired by Harry Potter. They’re using meta-materials. It’s this... nano... it manages to bend visible light around an object.
ST: That means a lot of ugly guys will have sex with really pretty girls now. They’ll be able to bend light. You won’t be able to see what they look like!
DF: Once the Romulans had the technology, it was just a matter of time until we got it.

I’m in a comedy group and I’ve become increasingly attracted to a fellow member. What’s the best way to pull off an intra-troupe romance?
DF: Did you say “a fellow member” or “a fellow’s member”?
ST: That was an NPR joke. But to answer your question, just be in Fleetwood Mac. But seriously, I don’t recommend it. You should never sleep with a fellow troupe member. We never have, and we're still together.
[Fellow member Kevin McDonald walks into room.]
DF: But Kevin and I, we’ll do a lot of things. It’s fine, because we can still remain virgins.
[Kevin walks out of room.]

You guys have played a wide variety of female characters, some sexier than others. Which is the sexiest?
DF: Me.
ST: Yes, well, Dave, as the French-Canadian prostitute Jocelyn. Don't you think?
RR: I always liked Chicken Lady. I have a thing for women with kind of prominent noses.
DF: Do you ever find yourself jerking off to Phyllis Diller? 
KM: There's a new production of Cyrano de Bergerac in town you could masturbate in.
ST: Do you have big nose sites you like? Would you call it a nose fetish?
RR: I wouldn't say fetish. I just have a thing for Jewish women with strong noses and big glasses, just like how some people are into blondes with blue eyes.
DF: Some people like a giant, hooked nose shoved up their ass. 
ST: Is that what you're getting at, Ray?
DF: Anal nose sex?
ST: Shylock, stick it in me!
RR: If you prick me, do I not bleed?
ST: You're bleeding, Ray. Bleeding from the ass!
DF: Nasal anal. 
ST: Do you mind if we use this for a sketch? We will anyway.