Elise, 25, Photographer

What’s the best way to pickup a mermaid?
With your hands. Or with your fins! I don’t know if I’d want to pick up a mermaid. They kind of smell fishy.

What makes mermaids sexy? Is it the pasties?
I think pasties are kind of skanky, actually. I’m more covered than most mermaids here, thank you very much. Although, when I was walking through Bay Ridge to get here, everyone looked at me, as if they were thinking, “Demon girl!”

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
No. Because if he sucks, he’s got to know it.

So you’re vocal if the guy sucks?
No, I’m just like, “Okay, well, that was nice.” I’ve been seeing the same guy for a long time, so I’ve never had to fake anything.

I was raised to believe that guys hit on girls, and girls hang out at bars and look pretty, waiting to get hit on. Here’s the trouble: I’m getting sick of waiting. How can a girl hit on a guy without scaring him off
It’s no different. Why don’t you try saying, “What’s your name?” Or drop something on him and be like, “Oh dear! I’m so sorry! Did I ruin your shirt?”

So you’re suggesting I ruin a man’s shirt to talk to him?
It works! And it doesn’t have to be a drink; it can be something much less messy. For me, it was something ridiculous, French fries, I think. I was like, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! What’s your name?”

My boyfriend is really into having sex in the shower. I’m down in theory, but I can’t help feeling like it’s super dangerous — just imagining what would happen if we fell makes me wince. Plus, it’s a waste of water! Any tips from a mermaid?
Hold onto something. Like the bar that holds onto the shower curtain.

My boyfriend really wants to have sex with the lights on, but I’m a little ashamed of my body. What can he do to make me feel better about it?
You should try one of those little things, the lights that miners put on their head? [laughs] I’ve never done it, but I’m sure it would help. Also candles obviously work, but that might be lame. Not lame — romantic quote-unquote —but not very creative.