One man's opinion: Lizzy Caplan's character in Cloverfield is way more appealing than the main love interest, who doesn't have much of a personality.
I talk about this on my album, in a track called "Cloverfield Secrets." I always say my character would've had sex with her even after she exploded. That's how magnetic she is.

But Caplan's the one who gets killed off halfway through. Why does Hollywood think "bland and pretty" is more appealing than "funny, smart, and pretty?"
I mean, that's how I have a career. But that's true. I don't know — I think Hollywood in general picks what they think is safe. I think it's hard for people in general to accept a really funny female, because humor is a sign of intelligence, and sometimes we repress that in women. It's hard for Hollywood to accept that there are women that are every bit as funny as men.

Between Caplan, Krysten Ritter in She's Out of My League, and Gillian Jacobs in Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, you've worked with some of the biggest internet lust objects of our time. Of those three, who exerts the most devastating field of sexual magnetism?
You know, I'm not really able to make that distinction, because I'm so overwhelmingly sexually magnetic that if I walk into a room it sort of eliminates the competition.

Give some advice to a reader. "I have trouble speaking to women in bars. A simple 'hello' always feels abrupt, and yet most 'lines' are cheesy. Any advice for how to get things started?"
Always have a few specific questions that will start conversation. Such as "That's a lovely bag. What are your favorite textiles?" Or, "Holy shit, your hair is on fire!" Or, "Damn, girl, are you a track runner? Because it's been running through my mind how you would ever make a living doing that if you fail to become an Olympian."

"I just started dating a girl. She's a virgin, and I've more or less slept with an entire small town. How much should I tell her?"
Tell her what you told me, but learn from my experience... never reveal the name of the town!

On Extract, you sat next to Gene Simmons in the makeup room every morning. What's the most memorable thing he said?
I have so many stories about him. His hair is very complicated, and I used to sit next to him getting my tattoos done for my character. At one point, I was trying to make conversation, and I was like, "You know, my girlfriend and I watch your show, Family Jewels. It's really fun." And he's like, "It's Gene Simmons' Family Jewels." I'm like, "What?" And he's like, "It's called Gene Simmons' Family Jewels." And I'm like, "All right, man, whatever" — I thought he was joking. And he's like, "Try it." And I'm like, "What?" And he's like, "Try it. Say Gene Simmons' Family Jewels." And I'm like, "We really like your show, Gene Simmons' Family Jewels." And he's like [smugly], "Doesn't that sound better?" I swear to God. So I go, "Can I call it Gene Simmons' Gene Simmons Gene Simmons? Because that sounds really good to me. I like the sound of that!" He's crazy. I've seen him at premieres since then. I'm like, "Hey, we were in that movie together!" and he goes, "Which one?" "Oh, the only one you were in, really."

Well, I don't know — have you ever seen his sex tape?
Does he have a sex tape?

Yeah, look it up. Speaking of very bad porn.
Oh, Peter, I don't even want to see it, and yet, I have to. Oh my God, at All right, I'm looking it up right now. [To his publicist] Rachel, can we just watch this porn together? Woo woo. Woo woo woo! Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo. That's the sound I make when I watch pornography. Oh man. The Gene Simmons pornography is almost as disgusting as his exploitation of his own band. Print that.


comments powered by Disqus