Sex Advice From Topher Grace

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Q: “When was the first time you had sex?” A: “I feel like if this movie comes out and does well, I might finally cross that threshold. Fingers crossed.”

By Kelly Bourdet

We caught up with Topher Grace to talk about his new movie and his thoughts on love and sex. Despite insisting that he's too awkward to qualify, he gave some pretty sound advice. Topher's new film Take Me Home Tonight opens today.

I really love my girlfriend, but she’s aimless career-wise. I’m motivated, and I feel like there’s a disparity. Do I need to date someone who’s as successful as I am, or can I accept that she just doesn’t care about a career?
Well, let me… Wait, you have to say — at the beginning, as a disclaimer — that I am the wrong person to ask for advice. I am an actor, which means I might play people who are intelligent, but I am not. You’ve got to write that verbatim. I really am not in the place where anyone should be taking advice from me on their love life or really anything else except for maybe acting on a sitcom.

I’m sure you’ve had some experience!
Well, I have, but I hope all the questions aren’t like this, because the truth is — I really don’t know.

What’s the best way to pick up Topher Grace?
I was talking to a friend about this the other day, about how if a girl just goes up to a guy and shows interest, that’s enough. Some girl was saying, “What kind of game do I use?” to pick up guys. If you just come up and say hi to any guy, it’s probably a good start. That’s a good approach. In terms of me, I work so much, and you wind up going on location a lot when you’re doing films, so the real trick is to catch me at a time when I’m home in Los Angeles and not working.

So find Topher Grace in a bar in L.A. and go up and say hello.
That’s all you need to do. And be female.

Why do you think funny people are better in bed?
I’m not sure if that’s true. But I certainly hope it is.

What do you think is the best way to get someone to go home with you at a party?
As far as "Take me home tonight?" I don’t know if that line would work. But, if a girl said it to a guy, it would work a lot better than if a guy said it to a girl. I think the best way to really hook up with someone is to not put a timestamp on it. If you need to make something work tonight, I think your odds are very slim. When you start dating someone, if you put some kind of “It has to happen at this point,” timestamp on it, that always hurts the relationship. The best thing to do is just relax, and it’ll probably come faster that way anyway.

What can the ‘80s teach us about sex?
Our dream for this movie was to make kind of a lost John Hughes movie. Today, movies are either all raunchy sex comedies, or they’re all romantic, or they’re all horror movies. We really missed those great John Hughes movies and Cameron Crowe movies of the ‘80s that were four-course meals, you know? They had helpings of everything — there was drama and comedy, everything. And young ensemble casts. So that’s where we had the genesis of the idea. That also means there has to be some great raunchy sex stuff in it. Dan Fogler was tasked with that mission. There’s a great scene with him and Angie Everhart in a bathroom that also involves this German dude in leather. I’ve seen the movie a bunch of times and I still crack up whenever I see that scene.

There’s a lot of cocaine use in the movie. Do you think that specific drugs tend to define how we think about a generation and its youth culture?
Every generation has a drug that’s popular and similarly every generational movie has a problem with putting that drug in there, but our feeling was, you can’t do a movie about Prohibition without showing alcohol. And you know, American Graffiti had trouble with kids drinking and driving, and Dazed and Confused had trouble with kids smoking joints. Similarly there’ll be a movie about the ‘90s in about ten years and they’ll have a problem with ecstasy. And what’s really crazy is there’ll be a movie about the year 2020 that’s made in 2040, and how nostalgic everyone is for 2020, and they’ll have a problem with whatever fabulous drug we’ve invented then. The Hologramifier.

I made a terrible first impression on a cute girl at a bar; I was way too drunk and acted like an idiot. I asked for her number and she turned me down. I know I’ll see her again this weekend — how can I redeem myself?
You’ve come to the expert in terms of being awkward. Trust me, no one’s more awkward with girls than me. So, I really feel your pain. Try not to get so wasted. Girls seem to like having conversations.

I’m a nice guy. I’ve never cheated on a girl. I try to be really respectful and thoughtful. I even buy ladies flowers. But time after time I keep being left for guys who are dicks. How can I become more attractive to girls without becoming an asshole?
Man, I’m not the right guy to give advice for these kinds of things. You know these articles where people give advice, I’m like, what makes your life so perfect?

Let me say this: all Hollywood celebrities are all divorced within five or six years of getting married — or within three days of getting married — and they’re all in and out of relationships all the time, right? So, begin by stop writing in to celebrities for dating advice. You should spend more time thinking about what her likes and dislikes are and less time writing in to ask celebrities what they think you should do.

When was the first time you had sex?
I’m still waiting, but I feel like if this movie comes out and does well I might finally cross that threshold. Fingers crossed.

I used a picture of my hotter friend on a dating site and I met a guy. We had a great online connection, but now he wants to meet. Should I confess or just resign myself to blowing it off?
Blow it off, but please send me the number of your friend. 

Donna or Jackie?
I gotta go with Fez.