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Sex Advice From . . . Trapeze Artists

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Jeff, 38

What’s the best way to pick up a trapeze instructor?
Arrive wearing something really tight. And smile a lot. That’s all you need to do, really. A nice split always adds value to your game.

My boyfriend found out I cheated on him. How can I regain his trust?
That takes time. Relationships are built on trust, and that takes a long time to build. Once you’ve wrecked it, you really need to go back and communicate about what happened, and you need to spend time with them and make sure they know they’re the only person for you.

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How can becoming a trapeze artist improve my sex life?
Trapeze equals sex. First of all, you’re surrounded by beautiful women all day long. Eight out of the ten students in the class are women. Second, you get stronger, you get bigger and you get abs of steel. The women love them.

Where’s the best place to do it in a circus tent?
From personal experience, up high, way up by the trapezes.

My boyfriend and I are on the rocks. Is taking a weeklong vacation together a good idea or bad idea?
Going to a romantic island is probably a good idea. Going skiing together is a bad idea.

What’s the best way to let people at a bar know I’m looking for a one-night stand?
In today’s bar scene I think more women are looking for it than men. You don’t even need to say it; it can just be assumed. Tacit understanding, as they say in law.

Azana, 25

I’m considering dating an intern where I work. Bad idea?
It depends on your relationship with them. If you’re able to be honest and communicative, then it shouldn’t be a problem. Whether you keep it a secret depends on how cool your coworkers are. As for rules, be respectful, be nice, be honest and be creative.

How can becoming a trapeze artist improve my sex life?
It makes you more flexible. And you’ll lose weight.

I’m a guy in my late twenties who needs Viagra to get hard. At what point am I obligated to tell my new girlfriend about this?
After a few weeks or a month. I always want to know everything like that.

What’s the best way to pick up a trapeze artist?
You should be straightforward, just like when you pick up anyone else. Talk about common interests. Either that or act like a freak.

I hate the fact that the guy I just started dating smokes. If we’re thinking about getting serious, am I within my rights to ask him to stop?
Start off by asking him to brush his teeth or use mouthwash. You can ask him to quit later on, but make sure he’s really dedicated to you and the relationship by that point.

Fix, 42


Does pre-coital stretching make sex more pleasurable?
It’s possible, but when the moment strikes you’ve got to be spontaneous also. It can’t all be preparation.

How can becoming a trapeze artist improve my sex life?
You have to take risks, so you get more used to being outside your comfort zone.

I’m considering dating an intern where I work. Bad idea?
They’ve got to be really cool and special and cute, because it’s not the professional thing to do. But if they’re really awesome, gorgeous, smart, perky and funny, and it’s going to be amazing, go for it. Initially, you should keep it a secret. I don’t think you need to set any ground rules right away, but if she’s coming on to you [at the office] in an awkward way, then you need to talk about it.

What’s the best way to pick up a trapeze artist?
Raise the bar slowly and feel it out, just like in any flirting situation. But I’ve got to be honest with you, it’s hard when you’re working here. We generally don’t go after customers because it’s a fine line. They’re going to come back, and it gets weird. So we might be resistant, but there’s always a possibility.

I’m a guy in my late twenties who needs Viagra to get hard. At what point am I obligated to tell my new girlfriend about this?
That’s a tricky one. I had a friend who, the first time he was with someone, it wasn’t going so well and he panicked. But then he relaxed, and everything was fine. So first of all, be careful of going for something like Viagra before you give the real thing a chance, because if it’s a cool woman, she’ll work with you on it. However, if you do have a real problem, you should probably tell her after the second or third time. Say, “Hey, I’d really like to get off this stuff, and you get me totally turned on, so let’s go.”

I’m a guy who takes forever to come. How can I reach orgasm faster?
I would suspect that somehow you’re not doing the right thing. You should read this book by Lou Paget called How To Give Her Absolute Pleasure. That could help with your problem too.

What’s the secret to a great handjob?
Clear communication.

Manny, 30

How can I regain my boyfriend’s trust after cheating on him?
Be really, really good. Beg your ass off. Be thoughtful and make sure you’re always there. Make it seem like you mean it, not like you’re faking it.

How can becoming a trapeze artist improve my sex life?
It makes everyone think you’re physically capable.

I’m a guy in my late twenties who needs Viagra to get hard. At what point am I obligated to tell my new girlfriend about this?
The sooner you tell her, the better. Otherwise you might never tell her. Or tell her you have a friend who has this problem and see how she reacts.

I hate the fact that the guy I just started dating smokes. If we’re thinking about getting serious, am I within my rights to ask him to stop?
I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Just buy some breath mints. You can ask him to quit, but it’s rarely a good idea to ask someone to do something that they aren’t ready to do on their own.

What sort of pre-coital stretching exercises would you recommend?
It’s all in the legs. Practice your splits and straddles.
 

Interviews by Noah Davis. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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