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Sex Advice from . . . Triathletes

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Pearl, 29

I want my scrawny boyfriend to bulk up a bit. How can I make this happen?
He needs incentive. It can’t just be, “I think you’d look really hot.” You have to lead by example. You have to look really hot yourself so he knows he has to keep up or be supplanted by someone who matches you physically.

I want to give my boyfriend a blowjob until he comes, but my face muscles get tired. How can I coach myself through?

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Relax, relax, relax. A lot of women unknowingly tense up when they’re giving a BJ. Try other types of stimulation at the same time to help him climax faster — fondling his balls or some little divot that you know is really sensitive. Also, take breaks. Alternate between giving him a blowjob and playing with a little penetration, a little manual stimulation. It’ll still do the job, and it’ll give your mouth a break.

Can I hit on someone at a triathlon?
I think so. There’s emphasis on the physical, and there are some fine, in-shape dudes. That’s what gets me through training half the time. I’m running in the park, it’s hot as fuck, and I see some fine tight ass running past me. I’m going to chase it. It’s a great way to train, it’s a great way to race, it’s a great way to meet people.

I’m engaged, but sometimes I still fantasize about sleeping with other people. What should I do?
Are you one of those people where fantasy can stay fantasy? If not, then you need to reconsider certain things. Like your engagement. You owe it to yourself and your fiance to be honest about that. You could also use this honesty as an opportunity to incorporate your fiance into your fantasy sex life. There’s nothing wrong with having sex with your man and fantasizing about Brad Pitt.

I’m dating a guy who’s been emailing and texting me a lot to tell me how much he fantasizes about me. I’m turned on by it, but also kind of freaked out. What are your thoughts?
I would go with my gut instinct on this one. If he’s doing the stalkerazzi thing, you ignore that at your peril. But having said that, if you’re turned on by his fantasies and you don’t think he’s a stalker or an axe murderer, it’s time for him to put all those texts into action. Call his bluff and take him up on his offers.

I’ve been hearing my upstairs neighbor having sex with his new girlfriend. How do I tell him to turn the volume down a notch?
Leave an anonymous note with a tape recording of all their doings. They’ll get the message. If they don’t, they’re obviously a bit exhibitionistic, in which case, there’s threesome potential.

I think my new girlfriend has performance anxiety. She rarely had sex with her last boyfriend and she’s said things that make me think he used to put her down a lot. How can I bring her out of her shell?
You take her to a place where she can relax and think about physical things, though not necessarily about sex. You could massage each other, or have a picnic and play an impromptu game of touch football. Take her to the trapeze school and just hang out on the trapeze. Get her flying high in the air so she can translate some of the energy into the bedroom. Or it could be a hot bath with flower petals and candles — anything that will get her blood running so that she’s more receptive to the idea of physical contact.

My boyfriend is a premature ejaculator. How can he increase his longevity?
That’s tough. The last premature ejaculator I dealt with didn’t last long, pun intended. You can try positions where he’s not going to feel as sensitive, and that’s different for everyone, though woman on top is usually bad.

Jon, 42 john

How can becoming a triathlete get me laid?
Triathlons are a good way to meet people. You can go to any race and there are five thousand scantily clad folks to eyeball. It’s easier to meet them because their defenses are down. You meet someone in a singles bar, they’ve got their war paint on and there’s a lot of false advertising, whereas when you meet someone at a race they’re wearing less clothing and you see who you’re dealing with.

I’m a girl who has mostly male friends. This makes my boyfriend uncomfortable. How do I show him it’s innocent?
I never cared about that. Most of my friends are female, and I’ll let whomever I’m with meet those women. Introduce him to them. Let him see he’s got nothing to be threatened by. If he feels threatened, that’s his issue as far as I’m concerned.

I’ve been dating a guy who’s been emailing me and texting me a lot to tell me he’s been fantasizing about me. I’m kind of turned on, but also freaked out. Should I be nervous?
It’s a thin line between being an admirer and being a stalker, but having been in that position, I’d much rather get too much attention than have a woman who’s aloof and feels like she’s doing me a favor by being around me. Unless he’s totally crossed the line, be glad he’s so attracted to you. It could be a lot worse.

I’ve been hearing the upstairs neighbor having sex with his new girlfriend. How do I tell him to turn the volume down a little bit?
I had a friend who was in the same situation. She was so self conscious about it. She was very proper, and the only time she was getting any, she was standing up in the bathroom. Just make a friendly comment about it like, “Sounds like you’ve got a new girlfriend.” Give him a pat on the back and see if he takes the hint. Do it at a time when you’re able to keep his attention instead of getting a broomstick handle and banging on the ceiling.

My boyfriend is gorgeous but he has chronic b.o. What should we do?
I’ve worked in gyms there’s always that one smelly guy. You have to put up the “general hygiene” sign on his locker. You could take that same general hygiene sign and put it next to his side of the bed. Either that, or bring him down to Kiehl’s to try some new soap.

I’m engaged to be married, but sometimes think I didn’t date enough during my prime. I still fantasize about sleeping with other people. What should I do?
If you’re thinking about it now, you’re going to be thinking about it five years from now and ten years from now. It’s a total no-no.

I’m a premature ejaculator. How can I increase my longevity?
Calculate your 10K times in your head.

Megan, 28megan

How can I hit on someone at a triathlon?
Start by complimenting them on their bike: “Are those aerobars you’ve got on there?” Plus, you get marked with your age at the start. They write it on your calf. So you can be like, “Wow, I never would have guessed you’re sixteen. You totally look legal.”

I’ve been dating a guy who’s been emailing me and texting me a lot. I’m kind of turned on, but also freaked out. Should I be nervous?
I’d go with it. I think flirting over electronic communications is hot, and I don’t think there’s any cause for concern. The electronic medium creates a kind of distance. You can always change your email address or IM name if necessary.

My girlfriend rarely had sex with her last boyfriend and he used to put her down a lot. How can I bring her out of her shell?
I think setting up some sort of elaborate sexy situation with wine and low lighting and all that could actually potentially increase her anxiety. Keep it super-casual. Tell her how beautiful she is and then from there, ramp up the romantic ambience. She needs to be told she’s beautiful, that what she’d doing feels good. She needs verbal encouragement.

My boyfriend is a premature ejaculator. What can we do about this?
There are chemical products you can use, things that contain Lidocaine that can numb it so it’s not so sensitive. It’s also a matter of discipline. It has a lot to do with breath control and concentration.

Can the physical exertion of a triathlon have any sexual side effects?
Being physical and exerting yourself can only have positive sexual side effects. It builds endorphins, gets the good hormones flowing, you gain body confidence and you get more energy. It makes you more sexual in general. The only thing that could preclude that would be long hours on the bike. For women, this can cause bruising and swelling, and for guys it can cause testicular numbness. I’ve also heard it can lower your sperm count. But we’re talking twenty-five-mile-plus bike rides.

My coach doesn’t want me to have sex for three days before the triathlon. He says it’ll deplete my energy. Is this bullshit?
Having sex before a race absolutely does not deplete my stamina. Maybe that’s a guy thing. Maybe it’s a psychological thing. Maybe the coach figured it would distract you or something. I don’t think so.

Rod, 32 rod

My boyfriend and I are going to spend the entire weekend in bed together. What can we do to train for a sex marathon?
Any kind of endurance work is good. Swimming’s always great for keeping up your energy for long periods of time. And don’t they have pills for this sort of thing?

I want my scrawny boyfriend to bulk up a bit. Is this shallow? And if I want to make this happen, how can I do it?
Sure it’s shallow, but that’s half the fun of it. I live in Brooklyn and the women are bigger than the men there. Try to go for a run and get in the pool a couple times a week. And a personal trainer is a fantastic way to get yourself started in a workout routine because you get more out of something when you’re paying for it.

I want to give my boyfriend a blowjob until he comes. How can I coach myself through it when my jaw muscles are burning?
Chew gum to train. Get a chew toy. I always try to envision the finish line. Just keep saying to yourself that you’re almost there and envision the happy finish.

I’m a woman who has mainly male friends. My boyfriend is uncomfortable with this. How can I make him realize he’s my number one?
Include him in things you do with your male friends, but also make sure there are times that he knows are his time and not time for your friends. Let him know that you’d rather spend time with him and make a big deal of it. Stroke that ego.

I’ve been dating a guy who’s constantly emailing and texting me to say how much he fantasizes about me. Should I be nervous?
Being someone who doesn’t want to end up with their head in someone else’s freezer, I tend to be a little bit more cautious. I think a good policy is to be introduced to people rather than to meet people on your own. That way, they’ve already gone through a screening process.

This guy I dated tried to fondle me under the table when we were at a restaurant. It made me uncomfortable, so I told him to stop. Should I keep dating him?
This was the first date and he was touching you under the table? Oh, hell no. And if you do go out with him again, make sure you have a fork under the table that you can stab him with.

Can I pick up someone at a triathlon?
A triathlon is a great place to meet people. People are fit, they’re focused. And triathlons are expensive, so you’re not going to have some chump who can’t afford to take you to dinner.   

Interviews by Sarah Harrison. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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