Advice

Sex Advice From Twi-Hards

Pin it

sex-advice-from-twi-hards

twihard -noun. 1. Obsessed fan of the gripping vampire love story/adventure/thriller saga, Twilight. [urbandictionary.com]

Jeff, 23

I’ve been on a few dates with this smart, funny and totally cute girl. Each time, she’s ended up wasted. Last night, we split two bottles of wine at dinner, then she picked up a six-pack on the way home. I don’t want to preach, but I’d also like for us to have breakfast in bed when she’s not nursing a hangover. How can I talk to her without coming off like an asshole?
If there’s anything a Twilight fan can be sympathetic to, it’s certainly the thirst. Unfortunately, such a thirst for alcohol is usually unattractive. Try going on the wrongfully dreaded day-date next time, something physical like rock climbing or kayaking. Get her blood pumping and see if she can handle interaction without dousing her brain in wine. If not, it might be best to stay away and let her figure out some stuff.

What’s the best way to ask my boyfriend to use my vibrator in bed?
Bringing toys into the bedroom is a great way to spice up a monotonous sex life, but almost always awkward to initiate. You don’t want to come off as a sex freak or like you’re unsatisfied or anything. Just explain the benefits and pick up a toy he won’t be able to let go of. Girls don’t have all the plastic fun these days. Advice: fangs are cheap, sexy, and good for a scare or too. Don’t be afraid to get vampy.saf_jeff

Sex with my boyfriend is awesome, but he comes too fast. He says it’s because I turn him on so much he can’t help it. I love to think that’s true, but wish things could last a little longer. How do I slow him down without turning him off?
Think of this more like a challenge then a curse. Holding him on the edge is a difficult but highly rewarding task that should be fun for the both of you. The key here is to be vocal, making sure he expresses out loud where he’s at. Knowing that, you should be able to pause anything that’ll finish him off.

My girlfriend is demanding that I trim my pubic hair. I think it’s unfair, since I think she’s sexy no matter what she does down there. She claims that it’s not an option for her to stop trimming, since society holds women to different standards. I agree, but what does that have to do with my pubes? Who’s right?
Pubes, like most aspects of a relationship, are about compromise. Taking a few extra minutes in the shower to make things look the way she likes isn’t really a big deal, and it’s an intimate way to show you care enough to please her. This is a simple, direct, and low-cost way to earn points with the lady. You should be jumping at the chance!

My new girlfriend gets a little rough in the bedroom. The other day she bit my shoulder — hard! It was more disturbing than hot, but I love how worked up she gets. How can I tell her not to draw blood, without sounding like a wimp?
Everyone needs a good bite once in a while, but for most of us, there’s definitely a pain threshold we’d rather not cross. I always find a simple, earnest “Ow!” usually breaks the mood enough to get your point across without stopping the momentum. Or, she could be a vampire. A little blood isn’t such a bad price to pay in return for eternal awesomeness.

My roommate’s crazy about her new boyfriend, which isn’t a problem except that (a) the walls in our apartment are very thin and (b) she has loud, vocal sex in the morning. I’m all for her new relationship, especially since she’s shy, but I’d like to have my coffee without their backing vocals. How can I say something without creating an awkward situation?
Good for your roomate! Especially since she’s shy. If she were waking you up consistently with these antics, I’d say a conversation were in order, but this is the kind of situation iPods were made for. Let your roommate fuck in glory. Just put on some Magnetic Fields, and start making plans to out-scream her with your own overnight guest.

Robyn, 30

What have you learned about sex and dating from reading the Twilight series? What could men learn if they read the books?
The intensity of being drawn together by chemistry is amazingly sexy. Being so focused on each other, and having such a deep passion for one another. That’s what I’ve learned.

I’m no virgin, but am seriously considering holding out on my new boyfriend so that we really get to know each other. Is it better to wait for sex, like Bella and Edward did, or just go for it and see if you’re sexually compatible?
It depends on the people in the relationship. I personally love the connection and the closeness you share during sex with someone you love. However, there are some relationships that are just built on sex, and it’s easy to mistake lust for love. Sometimes waiting can intensify that experience.

My boyfriend isn’t into having sex while I’m on my period. In fact, he’ll barely touch me. What can I do to make him more into it?
Some guys really don’t care about that when they’re in the mood. I think that’s a sensitive subject, and it depends on the guy. If your boyfriend just really can’t deal with that time of the month, let it go. It’s only for a week at most, out of the entire month, so just invest in a good vibrator if you really must get your kicks during that time.saf_robyn

The dude I’m sleeping with has a series of strange pre-orgasm rituals that are a total turn off — we’re talking eye-rolling and Pentecostal grunting, like he’s speaking in tongues. How do I get him to stop without interfering with his ability to get off?
Find a really hot mask and make him wear it. Kidding. That’s like someone asking you not to curl your toes when you have an orgasm. You can’t help it, it’s the way your body reacts. Learn to love it, or find a new sex partner.

I’ve been on a few dates with this smart, funny and totally cute girl. Each time, she’s ended up wasted. Last night, we split two bottles of wine at dinner, then she picked up a six-pack on the way home. I don’t want to preach, but I’d also like for us to have breakfast in bed when she’s not nursing a hangover. How can I talk to her without coming off like an asshole?
Go out to lunch or grab a coffee together, something to do during the day that won’t involve drinking. Then just bring it up in exactly that manner. Say that you’d love to make breakfast in bed for her, and want her to enjoy it without a hangover to bring her down. If she argues, she might be an alcoholic, and that’s a whole different issue. But at least you’ll know.

What’s the best way to ask my boyfriend to use my vibrator in bed?
Do it in the moment, when you’re both super-hot for each other. Then lightly suggest it. He’ll either jump for the idea, or refuse. I haven’t met too many guys that say “no” to new sexual adventures.

My roommate’s crazy about her new boyfriend, which isn’t a problem except that (a) the walls in our apartment are very thin and (b) she has loud, vocal sex in the morning. I’m all for her new relationship, especially since she’s shy, but I’d like to have my coffee without their backing vocals. How can I say something without creating an awkward situation?
That’s a tough one. You don’t want to come off as jealous or bitchy. The next time you’re together having lunch or drinks sans boyfriend, laugh about it and ask her if she would mind biting down on the pillow when she feels like shouting to the heavens.

Grace, 18

What’s the best way to pick up a Twilight fan?
Whisper in their ear, “You’re my personal brand of heroin.”

What have you learned about sex and dating from reading the Twilight series? What could men learn if they read the books?
Men should try to be everything a girl wants, but in the end, no one will compare to Edward Cullen. To avoid conflict, I don’t even tell people I like the Twilight series. Twilight fans scare me and I might scare non-Twilight fans!

My boyfriend isn’t into having sex while I’m on my period. In fact, he’ll barely touch me. I keep thinking that if he were a vampire, he wouldn’t be able to resist period-sex. What can I do to make him more into it?
Well, you can’t expect him to want to suck your P-juice. Maybe if you involved a fun activity with it, like finger-painting, he’ll become more comfortable with your blood. Set up an easel and let him go to town. Maybe after growing accustomed to having it on his hands, he won’t object to having it on his D. Who needs a paintbrush?saf_grace

Like Bella, I’m torn between two guys. One is a young professional who’s into me and a lot of fun. But I can’t stop thinking about my ex. We talk a lot, but he’s unreliable and won’t commit. I still imagine someday we’ll get together when he grows up. What should I do?
Don’t rely on the unreliable guy who won’t commit to grow up. I would stick it out with young professional and see if you can’t develop stronger feelings for him while getting over your ex. But even if the feelings don’t grow for your young professional, your ex might grow up a lot faster when he sees you with another guy…

I’ve been on a few dates with this smart, funny and totally cute girl. Each time, she’s ended up wasted. Last night, we split two bottles of wine at dinner, then she picked up a six-pack on the way home. I don’t want to preach, but I’d also like for us to have breakfast in bed when she’s not nursing a hangover. How can I talk to her without coming off like an asshole?
Dating is nerve-wracking. She could just be nervous! Take her out for lunch and tell her that you enjoy her company. If she drinks during lunch, you might consider straight up asking her if she has a drinking problem. Or you could casually mention your cousin in AA and ask her if she has any advice if she can relate personally, I’d say jump ship.

My girlfriend is demanding that I trim my pubic hair. I think it’s unfair, since I think she’s sexy no matter what she does down there. She claims that it’s not an option for her to stop trimming, since society holds women to different standards. I agree, but don’t see what it has to do with my pubes. Who’s right?
Is it fair for her to dictate what you do with your pubes? No. Do you want her to have sex with you? If you answer “yes” to the second question then you got no choice but to suck it up and trim.

My roommate’s crazy about her new boyfriend, which isn’t a problem except that (a) the walls in our apartment are very thin and (b) she has loud, vocal sex in the morning. I’m all for her new relationship, especially since she’s shy, but I’d like to have my coffee without their backing vocals. How can I say something without creating an awkward situation?
You don’t want to cause any animosity between you two, as you live together. Put on some music to drown out the sound of their love. Metallica much? It’ll be hard to hear your own thoughts over that racket, and hopefully it will halt the action rather than pump it up.