Advice

Sex Advice From Twins

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Q: What would you do if you and your twin are attracted to the same person? A: Deny everything. At least that's what we did in high school.

Laura and Gale, 25

What makes a twin a better lover?
Laura: Apparently twins in the womb, crammed as it is, massage, punch, and kiss each other. So we've had more practice. Depends on what you're into, though.
Gale: A twin is either trying to find a relationship that matches the connection with his or her twin, or has written the person off as someone who could never be that close. I think both situations could make for good sex. The former intense and intimate (genuine or not), the latter uninhibited and selfish.

What would you do if you and your twin are attracted to the same person?
Laura: Well, my sister and I frequently got crushes on the same people growing up, but we never had to address it — no one asked us out and we didn't tell each other about our mutual crushes until years later. Nowadays, we continue to avoid that by living on opposite sides of the country.
Gale: Deny everything. Or at least that's what we did in high school.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, but this is his first relationship while I have been in several — a bit of a touchy subject. How do I bring up what I enjoy in the bedroom without bringing up all the people who used to do it for me?
Laura: If you want your boyfriend to, for example, take your underwear off with his teeth, there's no reason to whip out your sexual resume and have him call one of your references. Tell him you were reading a Cosmo or the Kama Sutra or an erotic novel and that you got really turned on thinking about doing that with him. Just don't refer him back to this column. 

I had to move back in with my parents after college. I have a long-term girlfriend and we're used to having sex quite often. I'm not sure how to continue having sex at my parents' house without making things awkward at home. Any tips for sneaking around while I'm living at home?
Laura: Yup, do what I had my boyfriend do. Put your girlfriend in the guest room, and after your parents have gone to bed, close your bedroom door, enter her room, and close that door, too. No one's the wiser! Make a game out of who can come quietest. Your parents are doing the same thing.
Gale: How thin are the walls? Is she living with you too? If she's not, just have sex at her place if you can't get hard around your stuffed animals.

Someone who used to date my roommate just asked me out. They only dated for a few months, and I would like to give it a try, but I'm worried my roommate might freak out. Is this a recipe for disaster?
Laura: If you're worried that your roommate might freak out, then it's already a disaster.
Gale: I think that it's a bad idea any way you look at it. There's a reason they stopped dating and I doubt she would want him hanging around the living room/kitchen/bedroom.  If you're still interested after you move out, then give him a try. That way you can date him for a while, and if it does work out, his ex-girlfriend doesn't have to catch him in his boxers on the way to the bathroom.

My boyfriend hates using condoms — he says he can't get off while wearing one. We're both STD free, so I don't mind, but I don't really want to spend money on birth control. Is it fair for me to make him pay for my birth control because he's the one with the preference?
Laura: Yep, it's fair. It's free at Planned Parenthood though, even if you don't have insurance!
Gale: This is one of my pet peeves! I think the guy definitely should contribute — I somehow doubt if the tables were turned a man would jump at the chance to ingest extra mystery hormones. Unless they made his penis larger.

I love my boyfriend, but he's a bit slovenly. His beard's shaggy and he doesn't shower as frequently as I'd like. What is the most polite way to give him hygiene suggestions without making him too self-conscious?
Laura: I guess the key word is "too," because you do want him to be more self-conscious. Take Jerry Seinfeld's advice on this one and bring him to hang out with your Kramer-friend — the one who always speaks without thinking it through. Your truth-bomb acquaintance/friend/sister/mailman will let the smelly cat out of the bag.  
Gale: I think if you loved him, those things wouldn't bother you.

John and George, 23

What's the best way to pick up twins?
John: Hm, that's a tough one. But I can safely say that it's not by asking them to have a threesome with you. I do not want to have sex with my sibling. Do you want to have sex with yours?
George: Just ignore his brother totally, and the fact that they are twins. Or, compare me directly to my brother and highlight all the ways I'm better than him. Seriously, I'm not sure. Growing up as a twin, I never got the whole twin-fetish thing.

What makes a twin a better lover?
John: Well, my brother and I are very open with each other, and when he tells me his shortcomings, I take them and make them my strengths.
George: Twins are always in competition with each other. They always need to know who's the fastest one or the strongest one. Being the better lover, that might actually be the ultimate win.

I'm dating a twin, but lately I think I'm more emotionally attracted to her sister. What do I do?
John: You're a bitch, and you're really not in touch with your own sexuality or feelings. All you want is something different. You just can't be satisfied by someone who loves you and cares for you. When you say something like that, it makes me wonder if you were ever interested in the first place. What do you think is going to happen? You think you're going start dating her sister and everything is going to be suddenly great? It makes for an awkward Christmas somewhere down the line.
George: Nothing, you are fucked. There's no way to make that switch.

What would you do if you and your twin are attracted to the same person?
John: We have pretty different taste in women, and thankfully I've never run into that situation with my brother. Were he and I ever interested in the same girl, it would be no competition. She would choose me.
George: I'd try to get her to like me over my brother, but I would play fair because, at the end of the day, I don't want to fuck my brother over.

I love my boyfriend but he's a bit slovenly. His beard's shaggy and he doesn't shower as frequently as I'd like. What is the most polite way to give him hygiene suggestions without making him too self-conscious?
John: You should just tell him he's dirty; guys know they're dirty. Try a social experiment. Don't shave your armpits or legs for a few days and see if he says anything. As soon as he does, remind him grooming is a two-way street.
George: You don't have to be tiptoe around the situation. Just tell him that he needs to be more hygienic and if he loves you back then he'll understand. It doesn't have to be negative. Just make sure your tone isn't demeaning. 

I've been seeing this girl lately, but every time we go out as a group, she seems a lot more interested in my roommate. She talks to him, touches him, and laughs at all his dumb jokes. Is this just paranoia or could she be into him?
John: She's going out with you and not your roommate, so you're doing something right. She might just want to get along really well with your friends. If you confront her about it, she's probably just going to deny it, so that's not getting you anywhere. Nothing he does should matter if your relationship is going to work out anyway, so there's no reason to worry about it.
George: Think about it this way: she's going out with you and not your roommate, so clearly you have the upper-hand. Be confident and she'll enjoy that. She could just be being friendly because she is trying to show that she can get along with your friends. On the other hand, if things aren't going as hot as they could be, then it's possible that she is into him. If you are more inclined to think this is the case, try to avoid bringing him along. I wouldn't suggest bringing it up to her. If things are going very, very well and she is definitely into you, she'll just tell you to "stop being silly" and will reassure you. If things aren't going very, very well, she will probably tell you not to worry (even if there is a reason to worry) and lose respect for you because you are not confident.

All my girlfriends are really loud and social people. When we're all out at a bar, I sometimes feel overshadowed and find that they get hit on a lot more than I do. What's the best way to get noticed while hanging out with a group of people?
John: Depending on the guys, usually wearing really slutty, revealing clothing won't get you noticed in a good way. It's usually pretty safe to assume that a guy is interested in you to begin with, but you can tell really quickly just by talking to someone.
George: Guys are not as picky as girls are. If you really want to get noticed, then just go up to the guys that you want to talk to and start talking to them. If you are just being friendly and social and are smiling, then there's a good chance they'll be interested. Think about the things that you'd like to be doing and do it. If you want to be like your friends, "shadow" them (not creepily) and observe how they talk to guys and so forth. What's most important is to be yourself.

Tia and TamaraTia and Tamara, 22

What's the best thing about dating someone with a twin?
Tamara: You’d have to ask my ex-boyfriends that question.
Tia: Yeah, they’d probably be able to answer that better for you.
Tamara: Hmm, maybe it’s the fantasy that you could score with twins one day.
Tia: And I can only guess how exciting it must have been to discover that twins reading each other’s minds is just an urban legend.

What's the best way to pick up twins?
Tia: Tell me I’m the cuter twin.
Tamara: Not mixing up our names is a good place to start. And it’s never a two-for-one deal.
Tia: At least not for us. Not no way. Not no how.

What makes a twin a better lover?
Tamara: Twins have a strong sense of companionship. They will be that way for their lover too.
Tia: We brainstorm sex and date ideas off each other.

What would you do if you and your twin are attracted to the same person?
Both, simultaneously:  Rock, paper, scissors…

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, but this is his first relationship while I have been in several — a bit of a touchy subject. How do I bring up what I enjoy in the bedroom without bringing up all the people who used to do it for me?
Tia: Try to make your sex life like a scavenger hunt. Agree to look up one new position or move that you’d like to try next time (which you already know, of course) and have fun with it. 

Tamara: Open the conversation by asking what he likes, and then say, "That’s cool, and I like it like this…" Simple enough.

Someone who used to date my roommate just asked me out. They only dated for a few months, and I would like to give it a try, but I'm worried my roommate might freak out. Is this a recipe for disaster?
Tamara: Depends on how long ago they dated, but you might want to ask her why it didn’t work out. You could save yourself some trouble.
Tia: Maybe you can bring him up casually in conversation, like you happened to run into him today, and see how she reacts. No matter what, you should get the green light from her.

My boyfriend hates using condoms — he says he can't get off while wearing one. We're both STD free, so I don't mind, but I don't really want to spend money on birth control. Is it fair for me to make him pay for my birth control because he's the one with the preference?
Tamara: Hell yeah, that’s fair! Birth control is not cheap. And if it’s a strong preference, then more than likely he’ll help pay for it.
Tia: Compromise. Maybe you two can split the cost. 

I've been seeing this girl lately, but every time we go out as a group, she seems a lot more interested in my roommate. She talks to him, touches him, and laughs at all his dumb jokes. Is this just paranoia or could she be into him?
Tia: Could be one of two things: she’s either into him or she’s trying to make you jealous, which is still immature. Either way, give her the boot.
Tamara: Agreed.