Advice

Sex Advice From WWE Fans

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Dan, 27

http://uefa.theoffside.com/

What wrestling moves could you bring into the bedroom?
The Lou Thesz press — which, according to Mick Foley, could just as well be called the "dick to the face" — is a candidate, but you probably have to make sure it’s okay before you bust that one out. Although wrestling often hilariously resembles intercourse, most of the moves are either mundane or "don’t try this at home."

Why is a wrestling event a good date?
Even the people who write and promote wrestling don’t really think too much of the average wrestling fan’s taste and sophistication. Perhaps that’s why two entirely different college graduates, the cap-and-gown wearing Genius, and Harvard alum Chris Nowinski, have been featured as despicable heels. People hated those guys. So, let’s say you take a date to sit amongst this crowd for a couple of hours; you’re looking pretty good.

What’s the best reason to date a WWE fan?
Well, let’s say that you aren’t a wrestling fan, and you’ve had to sit through, say, an episode of Raw featuring a "Diva Search" during which one of the contestants declares, and I am not in any way altering this quote, "My butt is hungry!" before sitting on a bowl of ice cream.  You are, as they say, owed one, big time.

I’m dating a guy who is unemployed. It’s not like he’s a slacker, just the economy. But I still feel a little embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family because he doesn’t have a job. What should I do?
First of all, why are all your friends and family National Review writers or villains from romantic comedies? The reflex to be embarrassed by his unemployment is heavily influenced by our culture of defining people by their profession. If you’re okay with his situation and he isn’t taking advantage of your goodwill, emotionally or financially, I don’t really see the problem.

My girlfriend said she would be interested in a threesome with another girl, but I don’t think I’m very comfortable with it. Now I’m paranoid that I’m never satisfying her like she really wants. What should I do?
Just being paranoid and suffering in silence is almost always the worst option, so it’s time for one of those open and honest discussions. Share your concerns and find out the needs/wants she has that made her interested in the threesome scenario in the first place.

I’m dating a writer and he showed me some of his work, and it’s not great. How can I tell him the truth but not hurt him?
Assuming that you don’t plan to declare "nice work, Pynchon" in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible, you should be free to offer the same constructive criticism that anyone else would. You aren’t under any obligation to lie just because you’re in a relationship.

Geoffrey, 27
Amanda, 24

devastatorquarterly.com

What has pro wrestling taught you about dating?
Amanda: Oh, the importance of confidence! Both faces and heels have to talk big to get heat from the crowd. This will help in that infamous "so tell me about you…" Guys seem to really respond to what I call "lady boasting."
Geoffrey: But be prepared to backup your confidence with results. If you’re like The Miz and you claim to be aweeeeesooooome in bed, you’ve gotta deliver or prepare to be booed!
A: That doesn’t mean a WWE fan will always boo you if you’re bad in bed…
G: Yes, it does.

What wrestling moves could you bring into the bedroom?
G: Maybe the Cloverleaf or the Figure Four Leg Lock. Pretty much any submission maneuver could work. If you weren’t a wrestling fan, you’d probably assume anything called a "submission maneuver" was sexual.
A: If you’re feeling adventurous, try my favorite signature move: Chris Jericho’s "Codebreaker." It knocks the guy unconscious, and then we do it in the hospital.

Why is a wrestling event a good date?
A: Wrestling tends to make people really riled up and excited — you can tap some hidden aggression within your partner, then whisk her home to use it in bed.
G: Also, everybody gets drunk!

My ex-boyfriend has been calling me way too much. I don’t want to overreact, but when does this move from an annoyance into actual stalker territory?
A: If it feels weird, it’s already a violation. Nip it before he gets stalk-ier. Explain to him that calling a ton is an intimate right that doesn’t belong to him anymore.
G: Or you can tell him to suck it. (I’d go with my approach.)

My current boyfriend is not as fit as my ex, and he knows this. Now I feel like he’s trying too hard to get in shape and out-do my ex. How can I make him feel less intimidated?
A: I’ve been there!
G: Wait, what?
A: When you’re in bed, rub his chest, kiss his belly, squeeze his arms, and tell him he’s perfect. Randomly make cute comments about how hot he is. When he’s on the way to the gym, stop him and suggest a more fun workout.
G: Wait… what?

I’m dating a writer and he showed me some of his work, and it’s not great. How can I tell him the truth but not hurt him?
G: This question is the stuff of nightmares.
A: Geoffrey and I read each other’s work all the time. Find the good things structurally, character-wise, dialogue-wise, whatever, then give suggestions to make it better. If you can’t think of anything good, just keep asking questions about it. That will force him to think more critically about his work.
G: Just to be clear, he asked you for a critique of his work, right? Cause if he didn’t ask you for notes, and you’re just telling him out of the blue that you don’t like his writing, you might as well be biting his kneecaps.

Asterios, 27

http://www.presidentbaby.com/

What has pro wrestling taught you about dating?
Persistence. You can’t expect to win the belt overnight; it’s all about the chase.

What wrestling moves could you bring into the bedroom?
Well, girls seem to enjoy anything that involves lifting them up off the ground — just as long as you don’t then crash them straight into the mat.

Why is a wrestling event be a good date?
Well, you’d get the fun of booing someone who insults whatever town you happen to be in. That’s way more fun than at night at the opera, where booing is frowned upon.

What’s the best reason to date a WWE fan?
They appreciate irony, which used to be a rarer quality. And they have a lot of money to waste.

I’m dating a guy who is unemployed.  He’s not a slacker, it’s just the economy. But I still feel a little embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. What should I do?
Get over yourself. If your family’s going to judge the guy based on his lack of a job during the biggest recession since the Great Depression, tell them to go read the newspaper.

I like when girls are aggressive in bed. What’s the best way to test the waters and see if a girl would be into it?
It’s about communication — work it out beforehand so nobody’s taken by surprise.

What’s one thing guys/girls always get wrong when it comes to foreplay?
Probably a complete lack of smack talk.