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Sex Advice From WWE Fans
By Eric Larnick
What wrestling moves could you bring into the bedroom?
The Lou Thesz press — which, according to Mick Foley, could just as well be called the "dick to the face" — is a candidate, but you probably have to make sure it's okay before you bust that one out. Although wrestling often hilariously resembles intercourse, most of the moves are either mundane or "don't try this at home."
Why is a wrestling event a good date?
Even the people who write and promote wrestling don't really think too much of the average wrestling fan's taste and sophistication. Perhaps that's why two entirely different college graduates, the cap-and-gown wearing Genius, and Harvard alum Chris Nowinski, have been featured as despicable heels. People hated those guys. So, let's say you take a date to sit amongst this crowd for a couple of hours; you're looking pretty good.
What's the best reason to date a WWE fan?
Well, let's say that you aren't a wrestling fan, and you've had to sit through, say, an episode of Raw featuring a "Diva Search" during which one of the contestants declares, and I am not in any way altering this quote, "My butt is hungry!" before sitting on a bowl of ice cream. You are, as they say, owed one, big time.
I'm dating a guy who is unemployed. It's not like he's a slacker, just the economy. But I still feel a little embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family because he doesn't have a job. What should I do?
First of all, why are all your friends and family National Review writers or villains from romantic comedies? The reflex to be embarrassed by his unemployment is heavily influenced by our culture of defining people by their profession. If you're okay with his situation and he isn't taking advantage of your goodwill, emotionally or financially, I don't really see the problem.
My girlfriend said she would be interested in a threesome with another girl, but I don't think I'm very comfortable with it. Now I'm paranoid that I'm never satisfying her like she really wants. What should I do?
Just being paranoid and suffering in silence is almost always the worst option, so it's time for one of those open and honest discussions. Share your concerns and find out the needs/wants she has that made her interested in the threesome scenario in the first place.
I'm dating a writer and he showed me some of his work, and it's not great. How can I tell him the truth but not hurt him?
Assuming that you don't plan to declare "nice work, Pynchon" in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible, you should be free to offer the same constructive criticism that anyone else would. You aren't under any obligation to lie just because you're in a relationship.