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Sex Advice From Young Filmmakers

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Sex Advice from Filmmakers - Josie

Josie, 23

www.vimeo.com/beastkid

What has being a director taught you about sex?
Someone needs to be in charge, and someone needs to have a vision. Otherwise, the whole thing turns into a sloppy mess.

I'm trying to plan a romantic night with my girlfriend. I'm a pretty laid-back guy, not really into candlelight, but I want her to know it's special. What can I do to set the mood?
One thing I've learned in film is that catering is very important — everyone is happier when there’s good food.

What's the greatest sex scene in any movie?
The scene in Ice Storm when fourteen-year-old Christina Ricci, in rainbow toe socks, seduces the neighbor’s young son in his parents' bed. Nothing is sexier than the loss of innocence.

My boyfriend and I just graduated college and he's been asking me to move in with him. We just started dating a few months ago, but I need a place to live. I know conventional wisdom says wait, but I want to go for it. Is that a mistake?
If you live in New York, it's never a mistake to pay less rent. Move in with him and use your savings to buy enough booze and drugs so you don't get sick of each other. 

When my girlfriend and I are having sex, I'm always afraid I'm going to do or say something that will kill the mood. This makes me really tense, and everything goes downhill. How can I relax and just enjoy myself?
Try figuring out ways to think less in general. Watching reality TV is good practice.

Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex, he can get a little over-excited, making it an uncomfortable experience for me. How can I bring him back to earth without making him feel bad or killing the mood?
Sneeze, cough, queef, fart, or cry — all non-sexual body functions sort of bring you back to the fact that you’re just bags of flesh bumping into each other. Crying will definitely bring the mood down a notch.  

My boyfriend is bisexual and recently has been interested in bringing home another man. This violates my idea of monogamy, but I also worry that this is an itch I can't scratch, so to speak. Should I just go for it?
The whole point of monogamy is to have itches you can't scratch. Unfulfilled sexual urges are the trade-off for stable love. If the idea turns you on, go for it. Otherwise try watching bi porn together. 

I love it when my girlfriend goes down on me and she's really great at it. The only problem is she seems very insecure and always worries that I'm not into it. I'm starting to wonder if the truth is that she just hates it. How I can convince her to be more confident in her skills?
Maybe you're not very good at showing your appreciation. Try being more vocal: breathing, sighs, and compliments show you're clearly enjoying yourself. When in doubt, reciprocate. It sends the clearest thank-you message. 

What's the best way to ask my boyfriend to use my vibrator in bed?
Say, "The props department put this here for our scene," with a mischievous smile. If he's cool, he'll just go with it.

For the past few weeks I've wanted to ask out this girl at work, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to try and date a co-worker. Should I put my fears aside and go for it?
This can only end badly. Either things will go south and your work situation will get tense and awkward, or you'll wind up in love, together 24/7, with no escape from each other and your relationship will suffer.  On the other hand, sex is better than money, so if you’re not that crazy about your job, go for it.

Sex Advice from Filmmakers - Frankie
Frankie, 31

www.frankielatina.com

What's the best way to pick up a film director?
Don't let on that you know they direct, then, after they tell you about their hit film, tell them that you haven't seen it.

What's the best reason for dating a director?
You can use him as a stepping stone to get to a much more accomplished movie star with ten times the money and ten times the problems.

What has being a director taught you about sex?
How to get the best performances out of your actresses.

I'm trying to plan a very romantic night with my girlfriend. I'm a pretty laid-back guy, not really into candlelight, but I want her to know it's special. What can I do to set the mood?
Watch Romancing The Stone with a home-cooked dinner and red wine. If that doesn't work, who needs her?

What's the greatest sex scene in any movie?
Pam Grier in Coffy. She seduces the drug dealer and then blows his head off with her shotgun.

My boyfriend and I just graduated college and he's been asking me to move in with him. We just started dating a few months ago, but I need a place to live. I know conventional wisdom says wait, but I want to go for it. Is that a mistake?
Give him the "door test" from A Bronx Tale. You pull up right in front of him. Before you get out of the car, lock both doors. Then get out, walk over to him, and bring him to the car. Take out the key, unlock the door, and open it for him. Let him get in, then walk behind the car, and look through the rear window. If he doesn’t reach over and lift up that button for you so you can get in, dump him.

When my girlfriend and I are having sex, I'm always afraid I'm going to do or say something that will kill the mood. This makes me really tense, and everything goes downhill. How can I relax and just enjoy myself?
Smoke a joint or drink a bottle of wine.

My boyfriend is bisexual and recently has been interested in bringing home another man. This violates my idea of monogamy, but I also worry that this is an itch I can't scratch, so to speak. Should I just go for it?
If it worked for Jack Tripper on Three's Company, it could work for you.

I was just dumped by my girlfriend and I'm looking for a way to cheer myself up. I know everyone says a rebound relationship is a bad idea, but honestly, right now it sounds great. Is it a terrible idea to jump into something new to cheer myself up?
That's the worst idea in the world. Go to a massage parlor and ask for the happy ending. Do not jump into another relationship if you're not in love.

I love it when my girlfriend goes down on me and she's really great at it. The only problem is she seems very insecure and always worries that I'm not into it. I'm starting to wonder if the truth is that she just hates it. How I can convince her to be more confident in her skills?
Yeah, I'm guessing she's not into it. Try going down on her for a few weeks.

What's the best way to ask my boyfriend to use my vibrator in bed?
Surprise him when he comes home and opens the bedroom door to you, in bed, using it on yourself. I guarantee he won’t ask you to turn it off.

Sex Advice from Filmmakers - Jake

Jake, 28

www.open-film.com

What's the best way to pick up a film director?
It's like picking up anybody. Be charming.

What's the best reason for dating a director?
We're good at give and take. Plus, we usually know what we want, so there’s not a lot of wasted time.

What has being a director taught you about sex?
Be attentive and adventurous. Also, it never hurts to ask someone to do something. The worst that can happen is that they’ll say no.

My boyfriend has wanted to film us having sex for a while now. It makes me a little nervous not so much about the tape getting seen, as about actually being filmed. How can I get more relaxed while the camera's on me?
Drink.

What's the greatest sex scene in any movie?
Cronenberg's Crash. The whole film.

When my girlfriend and I are having sex, I'm always afraid I'm going to do or say something that will kill the mood. This makes me really tense, and everything goes downhill. How can I relax and just enjoy myself?
Drink.

My boyfriend is bisexual and recently has been interested in bringing home another man. This violates my idea of monogamy, but I also worry that this is an itch I can't scratch, so to speak. Should I just go for it?
This is a hard one. If it’s a desire he really needs to fulfill, chances are he’s going to, one way or another. You need to talk with him to learn if this is something he has a deep need to explore or if it's just a whim. If it's important to him, and you know it’s something you're absolutely uncomfortable with, then this might not be the right relationship for you.

I was just dumped by my girlfriend and I'm looking for a way to cheer myself up. I know everyone says a rebound relationship is a bad idea, but honestly, right now it sounds great. Is it a terrible idea to jump into something new to cheer myself up?
Get a lover. Americans often treat dating as "try before you buy." Don't forget that the end result of dating doesn't necessarily have to be a long-term relationship. You can just have fun – and sex – with someone in a relaxed way. Europeans figured this out centuries ago. A lover is a good thing to have while your heart is mending from a big break-up. Just be honest and up-front with whomever you get involved with.

What's the best way to ask my boyfriend to use my vibrator in bed?
On him or on you? Or both? Either way, bring it out during foreplay and show him what you'd like to have done. People are usually more game to try things in the heat of the moment.

My boyfriend and I just graduated college and he's been asking me to move in with him. We just started dating a few months ago, but I need a place to live. I know conventional wisdom says wait, but I want to go for it. Is that a mistake?
When you have the choice between do and do not, always choose do.