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Sex Advice From Young Republicans
By Sarah T. Schwab
What’s the best reason to date a young Republican?
She won’t change the station while I’m getting my Rush Limbaugh on.
Are young Republicans better in bed then young Democrats?
Yes. Well, at least the men are. In my experience, conservative women seem to be just that in the bedroom.
I consider myself extremely right-wing. But this girl I have a crush on is a huge leftist. I want to go for it, but am afraid that personal politics will eventually lead to bedroom politics. What do you think?
Why not get into that political argument? Settle your differences in bed. Punish that liberal pussy.
Should there be age limits when it comes to dating?
Yes and no. It’s different for men than it is for women. Women can date older men and get away with it, men who are a lot older. Think John and Cindy McCain; she’s like twenty years younger than him. But for women, it’s a little different. I guess Demi Moore rocks it, but that’s because she’s hot and looks young still.
I’m totally broke, and my lease is up in three weeks. My boyfriend of four months, who’s got plenty of money, suggested that I move in with him. Would it be wrong to accept his offer?
If you were using him for the convenience, then yes, it would be wrong. But if you’d live with him regardless of his money then I think it’s fine. If he doesn’t know either way, I think you’re golden.
Does the number of one’s sexual partners matter?
Again, I think it’s different for men than it is for women. For men, the more the merrier. For women, you better keep your number low or make sure your sexual partners aren’t going to talk. I’m not saying that it’s right, but that’s just how it is.
What’s worse: physically or emotionally cheating?
Physically. It’s better to get emotionally attached to someone else and then realize you were wrong, than it is to do something regrettable that can never be reversed.
For the first few months of I was with my boyfriend, we had sex around the clock. Six months in, I’m lucky if we have sex once a week. We don’t fight or anything, but we’re never in the mood anymore. Is the relationship on the rocks?
I would say your love life is in serious need of a resurrection. Use the slump as a reason to try new things in the bedroom – use your imagination. If that doesn’t work, get married. Then you two are stuck together.