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With Winter Storm Juno headed our way, millions of people in the Northeast U.S. are realizing they are about to be shut in for two to three days, overdosing on Netflix, canned soup, and whatever booze is still in the back of the fridge. It all sounds like a lazy, leisurely time until they realize — oh wait, we are about to be trapped inside for two to three days. We’ll be alone. With just our hands and (electricity-willing) some porn.

Enter the “blizzard girlfriend,” the “snow job,” the blizzard bone,” or the “snow cuddle:” the many NSA arrangements advertised on Craigslist during the hours leading up to an imminent storm. Because nothing says “the MTA is down” better than bringing an anonymous drug-and-disease-free hottie to orgasm moments before fixing them a steaming cup of cocoa. Folk wisdom says that birth rates spike 9 months after a blizzard. After perusing through these miraculous posts taken straight from Craigslist Personals, we don’t have to question why.

Cookies for Pics

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Working Overtime

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Lots of Mouth Stuff

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Jack Off Buddy…Why Not?

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I Cook, So…

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Take a Ride on the Tugboat

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Blizzard Phone Sex

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Cuddle Bear

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Snow Blowing

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Snow Bunny Threesome

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Foods of Various Sorts

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Bed Warmer

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Bi Bi Blizzard

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We Can Just Order a Pizza

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It’s a Fucking Snow Day

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Ah. Be safe out there, you horndogs.