For better or worse, you never forget the first time that you see a penis. Unfortunately, the first penis that I ever saw was my grandfather's. (It was an accident.) I was probably five years old at the time, and my extended family had gathered at my grandparents' house for Sunday dinner. Everyone was there. My mother, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmother and (of course) my grandfather were all at the house. But, I was the only one who saw my grandfather's penis. We had all just finished eating a big dinner, but I don't recall what food was served. Remember, I was only five at the time. My memory is very good, but it's not *that* good. So, anyway, although I don't remember what we ate, I remember that my mother remained behind to talk to her parents (my grandparents) after all of the cousins, aunts and uncles had all left. The grownups were in the dining room talking about grownup things. My sister, Sophie, and I couldn't be bothered. I was only five and she was 11. Sophie is my only sister, and she is my big sister. After running around the house chasing each other for a while, Sophie decided that she and I should play hide and seek. I would hide. And, Sophie would seek. (One of the advantages of being the big sister is that you always get to pick the activities.) I remember that I wasn't allowed to go upstairs, so my hiding places were limited to the rooms on the ground floor. I walked to the back of the house, because I was going to hide in the bathroom that was off of the kitchen. But, when I ran toward the kitchen, I notice that the bathroom door was already open. And, inside the bathroom, my grandfather was standing. In front of the toilet. And, he was peeing. Yes, peeing. He was shooting a stream of pale yellow pee out of his penis and aiming it directly into the toilet several inches below. I obviously had no intention of seeing him pee -- nor he any intention of having me watch him pee. Like I said before, it was an accident. So, the second that he noticed me running his way, he released his penis with one hand, screamed something like "gawddamn chil'ren!!!", and then he slammed the door. I'd only been in existence on the planet for 5 years. 157,850,546 seconds to be exact. But, those couple of seconds when I saw my grandfather's penis were exactly the moment that I came to realize two important things: (1) boys have different body parts than girls do and (2) you should always close the door when you go pee. So, how about you? Do you close the door when *you* go pee? Actually, the more interesting question is: do you remember the first time that you ever saw a penis or a vagina?

Commentarium (1 Comment)

Aug 13 05 - 11:02am

Hey, thanks SuperI! When a fellow blog-reading friend spied your comment about my being strangely adorable, he wrote me an e-mail: "Well, she''s half right."

And I''m not letting up on this Commerce Bank thing. Red, if you''re out there, DO IT. I go there every few months even without a smart, tall, hot and funny girlfriend nagging me about it.

By the way, Will, five hundred bucks? Man!