Columns

I Was Infatuated With a Cartoon Character

I Was Infatuated With a Cartoon Character

Jessica Rabbit, Leela, Bart's babysitter from The Simpsons; it was like the artists all knew how lovesick and lonely their audience would be.
Why I Don't Believe "All You Need Is Love."

Why I Don't Believe "All You Need Is Love."

It's time someone amended this tired, hokey phrase.
I Don't Want To Be Your Friend

I Don't Want To Be Your Friend

Every time we were in the same state, our friendship was a farce and felt like a front for something far deeper.
The AirBnB Disaster That Could Have Ruined My Relationship

The AirBnB Disaster That Could Have Ruined My Relationship

“There are some real smoke-shows who stay with me,” said my host, pouring us yet another gin.
10 Romantic Comedies Ruined By Modern Technology

10 Romantic Comedies Ruined By Modern Technology

Google would absolutely destroy You've Got Mail.
Can We Still Enjoy the After-Sex Cigarette?

Can We Still Enjoy the After-Sex Cigarette?

Here are some stories in which tobacco has brought joy to my heart whilst simultaneously delivering toxins to the very same heart.
The Bayside High Love Triangle and How The 90s Ruined Dating

The Bayside High Love Triangle and How The 90s Ruined Dating

It’s important to to stay close with an ex, I would think to myself. She could be my soulmate. Wrong.
What Does an Unanswered Text Message Really Mean?

What Does an Unanswered Text Message Really Mean?

You send an arbitrary “Wanna hang out?" and are met with a half-hearted “hey sorry lol I fell asleep” days later.

My Impossibly Specific Sexual Has-Done List

I don't need a sexual To-Do list because, honestly, I've probably already done it.
The Midnight Blues

The Midnight Blues

"It's the worst a person can be before the sun comes up. That time in the night when they can't be any more intoxicated, angry, or lost.”

Writing About Writing About Sex

“Are you going to write about this?” She asks, lighting a cigarette.
Love Over Coffee

Love Over Coffee

“A little cream and a little sugar.” I say, smiling...wishing I could spend the rest of my life in her kitchen.

No Translation Necessary: Tokyo In The Dark

"Whiskey?" she asked. She grabbed my arm and started gently rubbing my pinky finger.
Trapped In The Closet: Raw Lust In The Coat-Check Room

Trapped In The Closet: Raw Lust In The Coat-Check Room

I became an expert of the goings-on of the rich and wannabe famous, the Jane Goodall of seedy one-percenters.
Tuesday Night Porn Party

Tuesday Night Porn Party

Watching hardcore pornography with someone by your side is a strange thing.