Comedy

Dating Can Get Ugly

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Francis Grimes

Site: Match.com
Username: Piginablanket

About Me
I work for the law enforcement wing of the Department of Integration. Not a lot of people in the public sector can say they love their job, but I really do. Maybe it’s because I’m fueled by my irrational hatred of those unlike myself, but it works for me. I’m a divorcee — my wife left me for a vampire. But don’t worry — I’m not damaged goods. Well, unless you count the literal damage inflicted on me by the hordes of the unnatural, like my missing finger and kneecaps.

I’m On the Site For
I just want to find someone to watch Night Terrors with, knock back a couple of Cosmos and work on my recipe for bean dip.

Turn Ons
Persecuting immigrants, discriminating against immigrants, hating immigrants, not liking immigrants. Oh, and chalupas.

Turn Offs
Vampires, werewolves, zombies, yetis, man-birds, wizards, demons… you know, this could take a while, and I think my bean dip is finally setting.

Our First Date
I know a great place to see man-bird fights. I’ve got a bit of a history in those circles, so maybe it’s best if we go incognito, but man, it’s great to watch those feathers fly.