The 50 Worst Sex Scenes in Cinema

50 Worst Sex Scenes

Last year, IFC.com and Nerve.com teamed up to count the 50 Greatest Sex Scenes in Cinema history. But that was mere foreplay compared to our latest collaboration, the 50 Worst Sex Scenes in Cinema. ...read more

50. Crank (2006)

Public sex is hot. Amy Smart is hot. Potential death is hot. Jason Statham is . . . well, Jason Statham is Jason Statham. Bottom line though is that this scene from Crank, in which Jason Statham has public sex with Amy Smart to keep from dying (long story) should by all rights be delectably hot. Well, it ain't. In fact, it's disconcertingly rape-esque and at the very least, kind of embarrassing. — Peter Smith

49. Il Fantasma dell'Opera (1998)


When I first got this assignment, I was confused: there's a sex scene in that terrible musical? Really? No wonder it's so popular! Intrigued, I watched — well, fast-forwarded through — the 2004 big screen adaptation starring the not-unattractive Emmy Rossum, but quickly realized the gauzy, candlelit over-the-puffy-shirt groping and kissing I witnessed would only be considered "sex" by the film's target audience of geeky pre-teen girls, aging spinsters and deeply closeted Republican senators. Then I read the fine print and realized I was supposed to be watching the deeply awful Il Fantasma dell'Opera, a 1998 remake of Phantom of the Opera by creepy Italian horror-meister Dario Argento, featuring WAY more buck naked doggy-style sex than the Andrew Lloyd Webber version. As for the reason the scene was picked for this list, I'd say it's a toss-up between (a) Julian Sands' Ed Woodian post-coital dialogue (i.e., "I was abandoned at birth in the river of time and space, where I was nurtured and cared for by creatures who have become my friends...") and (b) the fact the naked chick on all fours is, uh . . . the director's daughter, Asia. In retrospect, it turns out my family's embarrassing home movies could have been, oh, so much worse. — Andrew Osborne

48. Titanic (1997)


"Put your hand on me" is not something you want to hear your partner say as you begin copulation. It reeks of the Antioch rules, and sets the tone for an inhibited, permissions-based non-romp in the sack — or in the Model T, in this case. The car is actually kind of a fun venue, but Jack and Rose are so stilted and formal that when her hand slaps the steamed-up window (their lovemaking is so hot it's raising the air temperature!), you can't possibly believe she'd let herself go like that. — Will Doig

47. Jack Frost (1996)

Now here's something you don't see every day: a naked Shannon Elizabeth getting penetrated by a giant holiday lawn ornament. Or, if you do see it every day, you're probably one of the rabid fans of the killer snowman flick Jack Frost, which Wikipedia tells me is a cult favorite (as opposed to the Michael Keaton warmedy Jack Frost, about a dead father reincarnated as a snowman to spend time with his kid, which, as far as I know, is a favorite of no one). But anyway, the scene in question begins when Ms. Elizabeth's character, unaware her horny boyfriend has been icicled to death, slips naked into a hot bath and . . . well, okay, here's where it gets complicated, see, because prior to becoming a killer snowman, Mr. Frost was just a plain old serial killer, but then he fell in some chemicals that transformed him into a kind of D-List X-man with the ability to melt and freeze at will. See where I'm going with this? No? Well, the first sign of trouble is a phallic floating carrot, and then the next thing you know, the bathwater has transformed into the aforementioned horny (and hilariously fake-looking) snowman, only he's not using the carrot as a nose, and . . . yeah. Exactly. Ew! — Andrew Osborne

46. Poison Ivy (1992)

Poison Ivy 50 Worst Sex Scenes

Poison Ivy is like a Lifetime movie that brazenly thought it was good enough for the big screen. Its deliciously trashy plot follows Ivy (a resurgent Drew Barrymore!), who insinuates her way into the life of awkward teen Sylvie (Roseanne's Sara Gilbert). In the process, she kills Sylvie's mom, injures Sylvie in a car accident, and seduces Sylvie's dad (a non-resurgent Tom Skerritt!). Despite a gushing head wound, Sylvie makes her way home from the hospital to discover her father mounting her teen friend from behind, with a gods-must-be-angry thunderstorm as the backdrop. There are so many awful visions to obsess over: Barrymore's yellow dye job, Skerritt's jowls as he leans over her lithe young body, the pseudo-psychological element of having Sylvie's dead mother appear, then flashing back to Barrymore and her red-lipped, early-‘90's pout. Poison Ivy gives us everything forbidden, but in the process proves that there is an art to capturing a true Lolita moment. And Tom Skerritt banging anyone from behind is not it. — Nicole Ankowski

     

     

     

     

 

Commentarium (30 Comments)

Jun 10 08 - 9:59pm
DM

The sex scenes in The man Who Fell to Earth are (mostly) SUPPOSED to be disturbing and unerotic: the harsh, ugly, strobe-lit, sex-with-a-cap-gun scene is one of the highpoints of the film, because it contrasts so poignantly with the tender,caring sex that Newton and Mary Lou are seen enjoying earlier in the film. Man Who Fell....is one of the only mainstream films I can think of where the sex is successfully used as an expression of and comment on the character's inner selves at the point we're witnessing.

Apr 04 11 - 12:29pm
kay

Okay im sorry to add another really diturbing one to the list but i didnt see Precious on that list at all and had to look away at that scene

Jun 10 08 - 10:03pm
DM

You're spot on about Titanic, though: when Winslet's hand suddenly slaps the car window and slides down it (lit and shot exactly like a 'jump' moment from Aliens), the girl I was with immediately quipped 'Oh my God, he's killed her!'

Jun 10 08 - 10:57pm
LT

I wish there were a way I could unwatch that "Jack Frost" clip...

Feb 12 11 - 12:44am
isdeerfd

I agree

Jun 11 08 - 12:07pm
VGC

I know this is a joke and meant to be funny, but including rape scenes is pretty fucked up. Rape is not sex and I'd expect a place like Nerve to know better.

Mar 06 11 - 4:22am
mkk

i agree

Jul 17 11 - 8:42am
Kat

I completely agree and was disturbed to see rape scenes included in this. Way to go, Nerve.

Mar 06 12 - 3:32pm
akk

I think you mean rape is not making love. Sex is the process of procreating, not the same thing semantically as lovemaking or consensual sex. (that's why we have to put the descriptors of 'consensual' and 'non-consensual' before the word).
The article said "sex scenes", not "love scenes" and it was also a "WORST" list.

Jun 11 08 - 3:45am
nf

Christ yes, that moment in 'Poison Ivy' was the skeeziest thing I had seen until then. Put me off of older men forever.

Jun 15 08 - 11:24am
JW

You blew it. The worst sex scene of all time has to be Paulina Porizkova raping a guy in "Thursday"

Jun 17 08 - 4:16am
KH

"Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me" should really have made that list. The scene in which Laura Palmer is being raped by her father, who's posessed by Bob, has remained with me over a decade, and I'm still disturbed.

Jul 12 12 - 10:39pm
IL

I thought this list was supposed to show scenes meant to be sexy, but that turned out ridiculous. Laura Palmer being raped by her father was meant to be disturbing :/

Jun 20 08 - 5:12pm
M.S.

I was positive I was going to see "Boxing Helena" on this list.

Jun 29 08 - 12:41am
jdw

Not a bad job, but I disagree on two things.

1. The orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut was supposed to be mechanical and unerotic. I believe that was Kubrik's point. The only real erotic moments in the movie were when Cruises character IMAGINED his wife fucking another man. All the other sex scenes were mechanical or awkward, most likely to illustrate how sex without love is ultimately unfulfilling (a debatable point). Also note that Cruise never actually had sex in the movie. Ultimately, I believe the movie was about the temptations that come to married couples to stray, and what it takes to not give into those temptations. Remember what the password to the orgy was? "Fidelio" - Beethoven's operatic tribute to marital fidelity.

2. The sex in "Last Tango" was fucking great.

thats all

Jul 27 08 - 12:47am
TF

Come on, IFC, you surely have better things to do than this schlock. Any one tasteless idiot bemoaning a scene or movie doesn't make it bad. It's silly enough to do "best of" lists. Leave the "Worst of" lists to Us Weekly and MTV and outlets that don't pretend to be thoughtful or tasteful.

Dec 26 09 - 11:42pm
iron

Magic

Apr 26 10 - 5:24pm

What do you think?

May 12 10 - 6:59pm
ahmin

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Jun 22 10 - 6:26am
Name

What do you think?

Jun 22 10 - 6:27am
Name

What do you think?

Jun 22 10 - 6:27am
Name

What do you think?

Jun 22 10 - 6:27am
alebachew

What do you think?

Sep 12 10 - 1:38pm
Selene

I like the way Andrew Osborne writes. Very witty. Entertaining content, obviously a subject of interest to those who enjoy a. movies, b. sex, c. and everything in between. Thanks!

Oct 11 10 - 1:21pm
Big Sam

Well what about Jamon Jamon? ain,t that some fucked up scene

Apr 03 11 - 2:16pm
fdsdio

just a tip. sometimes the way you write is just too cryptic and there's not reason to express things in the most complex way for no reason. it just makes it a pain in the ass to figure out what you're syaing which force me to google the movie summary to read normal english without all the goddamn crap. i understand you want to sound witty but sometimes it's just not that witty and it's just in the way and it's annoying.

Oct 09 11 - 2:48am
Cpt. Obvious

If you notice the name following each listing, these weren't written by the same person. Each review was written by someone different. Possibly taken from movie reviews? I understand *you* want to sound witty but you don't pay attention to detail and it's annoying.

Aug 06 11 - 12:37pm
Awesome Person

What the hell? The Titanic sex scene was the best sex scene ever! Well in my opinion. All the oters sucked.

Nov 19 11 - 5:16pm
HamPump

THE ROOM!! WHERE IS THE ROOM!?

Mar 06 12 - 9:25am
ilwarden

What about the horribly long and over-focused on rape-scene from the remake of The Last House on the Left. SICK!