In 2005, Neil Strauss revealed the mystery of pickup artists to the world with his book The Game. Last year, Mystery, took things further with The Pick-Up Artist, a show pitting socially hopeless men against each other as he trained them in the ways of manipulation and seduction. This month, Bravo got into the act, giving Millionaire Club owner Patti Stanger her own reality TV show: The Millionaire Matchmaker.

But do these shows provide any practical insight into how to make a good first impression? Not according to Shula Melamed, whose company, First Impressions, provides consulting services for both business and dating. Instead of providing a treasure map to guaranteed booty, Melamed meets her clients for one-on-one faux dates and analyzes her findings.

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In a conversation with Nerve, Ms. Melamed shares her own secrets for successful dating, including parallels to the business world, the importance of sincere flattery, and the necessity of just chilling out. — Steph Auteri

How did you get into this line of work?
Ann Demarais, a cognitive psychologist and the founder of First Impressions, contacted me at the suggestion of a friend of mine, who knew I had experience in the dating industry and was getting my master's degree in psychology. I used to do consultations back when I was working with a matchmaker. She contacted me and auditioned me with her friend; I went out on a date and he reviewed me, and it was good!

These consultation dates — how do they usually unfold?
We meet up, and we don't talk about the fact that we're on this "date." We have a regular date, maybe two hours. I grade the date. I give them a self-evaluation, where they can tell me how they think they did and were they comfortable, and then I tell them how I think they did. Did they let me speak? Did they go off on tangents? Did they do this? Did they do that? How did they handle a pause in conversation? I'll inject pauses purposely.

People ask me, "why is it that every time I go out with someone, this happens?" One guy asked, "why is that every time I go out with someone, I feel as if their eyes just glaze over?" And I went out with him and he was a totally nice guy, good-looking, had a great job, had interesting hobbies, but he was so completely terrified of a break in conversation that he would bring up a topic that was kind of interesting and then run it directly through the wall. If he was on a date with a woman who was insecure, she would think that this guy didn't care what she had to say.

It seems that it would be exceptionally difficult to be yourself on a date where you are, literally, being judged.
I pay attention to certain cues. If they sit down and their speech is rapid, they're moving around, it might be magnified by the fact that they're facing an evaluation. When we get to the evaluation section, I ask them how they think they did, and how they usually behave on dates. We have a meta-conversation about the date that they sort of lose themselves in.