Shy people are often advised to remind themselves that other people are also worrying about their own image, often too much to place too much judgment on others. Is there truth to this?
I tell people that the other person is worried about being evaluated as well. If you direct your attention on them, and see how they're doing, kind of checking in on them, you'll be comforting the other person and engaging the other person, which in turn will make the other person comfortable too. It's the same with acting. When you concentrate on the person you're talking to onstage, instead of worrying about all the people watching you and whether or not your slip is showing, that's when you have a real moment, because you're not acting.
So what are your clients' most common issues?
The balance in conversation is a big thing. People want to hear about your pastimes or your hobbies, but nobody wants to hear about work. I'm sorry. Self-deprecation.
An extreme amount of self-deprecation works for comedians, but on a date it's not appealing. Complimenting the other person. I went on a date with this guy, and at the end, he asked how he did, and I said, "You didn't make me feel like I was pretty." And he was like, "What!?" And I'm like, "I didn't even know if you thought I was attractive or not." People like to be told they're cute, you know? I know I'm just a dating consultant, but I'm still a woman!
When you go out on a date, what are dealbreakers for you?
I don't like anyone who takes themselves too seriously, number one. Somebody who doesn't let me speak. I once met this woman who told me that her friend went out with a guy for six months to see if he would ask her one question about herself. And he didn't. When dating someone, you definitely want them to be attentive and engaged, but you also don't want them to be trying too hard, so it's like walking a high wire. When it comes down to it, at the end of the night, could you spend more time with this person? That's what you look for. n°
