DISPATCHES



Amy Sedaris is a sweet, blameless, inoffensive, soft-spoken woman. She rarely speaks above a peep, and is nothing if not helpful. When I showed up to photograph her, she'd just baked me a coffee cake. She is quite small and flexible. She is also twisted and brilliant — as evidenced by her Comedy Central series Strangers with Candy (an acid satire of after-school specials in which she played a horny, bisexual druggie prostitute freshman in high school), her cult off-Broadway shows and her general predilection for fucking with people's heads. She'd rather look ugly than pretty, though she is very pretty. Her brother is David Sedaris. And she's smarter than all of us. —Todd Oldham




What do you dream about, Amy?




I have recurring dreams of my rabbit Tattle-Tale, and sometimes I have dreams about my mother who died in '91.




Does she come to visit you in those dreams?




Yes, she does. We're usually having tea, which is odd, because she doesn't drink tea.




Were you close to her when she was on earth?




Yes, very.




My friend used to tell me that her cat used to sleep on her head and she would have the cat's dream. Do you have your rabbit's dreams?




Yes. I dream of peppercorn and capers. [Laughs]




Could that mean anything?







That's what rabbit droppings look like. Peppercorns and capers.




Now how much time do you spend in bed? Do you lay here a lot?




I'm a big rocker. I'll rock in bed: I'll set my alarm for eight and rock back and forth to music sometimes for an hour and a half, sometimes two hours. My brother David taught me how to do it when we were little. It's the only time I can really think.




Do you do it because it disassociates your mind from your body?




Yes, exactly. And whenever the neighbors complain, I tell them that I'm learning the samba, so I have to listen to the same song over and over.




What song?




Oh, whatever.




Well, all right. Now, do you have a lot of visitors in your bed?




Um . . . No, I do not. It's a brand new bed. And brand new sheets. And I have a really cool pillowcase that I got in the South, and it's got "slave" embroidered on it. Isn't that great?






Oh my God. Was it a set? Did you get "slave" on both of them? Do you get a slave and a master?




No — I would have loved that — no, just one; it just says "slave." No, I haven't had a lot of visitors in my bed.




Well, that's good, I guess.




[Slyly] Just small animals.




Just Tattle-Tale?




Just Tattle-Tale.




Now, who is your ideal sexy woman and sexy man? Or is there one that's a combination?




What's his name — Tommy Lee Jones. He's sexy. And Isabella Rossellini.




She's a hottie.




Catherine Deneuve, Sophia Lauren and all them.




Beautiful. Always. Now, I was going to ask you, if you had a dinner party, what ten people would you invite, living or dead. But since this is a Nerve interview, I should ask you, if you were going to pull a train, which ten would you invite?




The same as to the dinner party. Mary Bell, the eleven-year-old killer — do you know who I'm talking about?




[Laughs] No, I don't.






Okay. I would have her, and Diane Arbus, the photographer; Buddy Hackett, the comedian; Iceberg Slim, the pimp — he'd be pulling it; Sylvia Frumpkin, that's the pseudonym of a schizophrenic I read about in a book; John Merrick, the Elephant Man; Weegee would take the pictures; Juliette Low, who founded the Girl Scouts; Jane Pitman, slave; and Dr. Seuss.




Wow.




That's a pretty good list, right? And Patricia Neal, after the stroke.




[Laughs hysterically]




And I'd only serve shell steak, only because you could ask people how they want their steak cooked, and then you'd learn everything about them.




Do you have any methods of seduction?




The false teeth by my bed win any man . . . facial hair, any kind of scar around the nipple area — all these things make for good seduction, don't you think?




Oh, totally. Do you have any foods that you think work magic?




Any heavy meat dishes. The lamb shank. That's a big one. Pork chops. Stew. Thick stew.




Since this is Nerve, once again, do you have any sex tips for us?




I keep beaters and a mixing bowl in my freezer, that's all I'm saying, because when you have them in your freezer, whipped cream whips in seconds, that's all I'm saying.




That's an expert tip!




It does work, really . . . as a cooking tip.


© 2000 Todd Oldham and Nerve.com, Inc.

Commentarium (35 Comments)

Jan 04 01 - 8:04pm
kh

Thanks for having the insight to interview such a divine spirit as Amy Sedaris. Now that you've warmed us up, go get David.

Jan 05 01 - 9:23am
PAL

Abso-feckin'-lootly hysterical. Five minutes straight-out, gut-wrenching laughter. Thanks.

Amy rocks. Had occasion to work with her on the Pilot for "Strangers," and she was a human being of great charisma and kindness, even and especially notable under the enormous pressure and long hours that attend making film.

Brava, chica.

Brava.

Jan 05 01 - 6:22pm
kr

nilou,

has been too long since we've spoken and played. i miss you lots and terribly. we need a date. and seeing this of amy sedaris reminded me of you.

xoxox
karen

Jan 06 01 - 11:51am
wln

Thank You very much!!!!

Jan 07 01 - 11:41pm
BS

I think the cancellation of Strangers With Candy has ruined me for life, so even the teeniest update on what Amy is doing cheers me up immeasurably! Thanks, you are good people!

Jan 11 01 - 5:29pm
DE

alright, it's official now. amy sedaris has replaced polly jean harvey as the divine goddess ruler of my universe. i especially liked todd's inquiry about who amy would invite to a dinner party....me, i'd wanna be at the sedaris family holiday dinner....david on one side, amy on the other, and me in the middle, laughing so hard that turkey gravy's spraying out of my nose and all over the jell-o (TM) mold that amy so lovingly created to resemble a giant ovarian tumor (with pineapple chunks).

Feb 02 01 - 2:43am
virg

It's Sophia Loren, not Lauren.

I think

Feb 06 01 - 10:22pm
JDG

This was great!! Do you have any information on where to write Miss Sedaris? I think she's the bomb!!!

jeff16@alltel.
Thanks for a terrific interview!!!

Mar 22 01 - 7:05am
gs

thought you might like this.

Mar 23 01 - 8:42pm
tdb

ta-da! ask and ye shall recieve (or rather, dont ask and ye might get something wierd and unexpected once in awhile, ask and itll be weeks, if ever)

May 10 01 - 7:38am
bf

amy sedaris is the most unknown gorgeous rock star babe that ever existed. yo, amy, you fuckin' rule, girl. (note the judicious punctuation.) the reason you rock is that i(despite every latent miscreant urge, still couldn't invent you.

Jul 26 01 - 12:04pm
S.V.

I adore and miss Amy and her show, Strangers with Candy. It has been my all time favorite show in the whole history of shows all of my adult life.
There will never be another show to replace it and I would like to follow Amys career as long as she is available.
Very disappointed they cancelled my show. My favorite freaking show ever.
Thank you Amy, for the best entertainment I have ever had.

Aug 01 01 - 2:43am
RL

I have to say, I am a new fan of Amy. Moments ago,I saw her on Conan O'Brian. She was amazing. I didn't realize who she was at first, but then Conan mentioned Strangers with Candy. I was shocked, and as the interview went on, I became intruiged by her. She was both beautiful, intelligent, and brilliantly halarious (although i dont think martha stuart appreciated her humor). So i rushed to my computer to find all the information i could about her. Unfortunately, there isnt much information on Amy. this was a great interview you gave. if you have anymore info on her, i'd love to have it. my email is Orbert83@aol.com. thank you.

Nov 04 01 - 4:21pm
WBC

amy sedaris is my queen.
i am young, dumb...and i like cheese balls.
i'm also a "rock'n'roll" dude. well...mostly. without the coke habit.
she should marry me.

theblackaction@hotmail.com

Jan 25 02 - 6:16pm
GH

Amy, This is your long lost boyfriend George. You sure are looking good to in the eyes of this old North Carolina hick. Love the hair. Love ya babe, georgeesh@hotmail.com

Mar 06 02 - 2:10am
??

Very funny Amy. Please get another show only this time make Steve Colbert not be so 'French'.

Mar 17 02 - 12:32pm
jas

I just want to how how the rabbit is doing. Last I heard she was overweight and being assaulted by cockroaches and mice. More info on Tattle-Tale, please.

Apr 14 02 - 6:01pm
DS

Hi -
You've got to check out this new book that features the fabulous Amy Sedaris! It's called Laws of the Bandit Queens by photographer Ali Smith. You can get it online and in stores.

Apr 18 02 - 7:04pm
jas

Yes. But what about the bunny?

Jul 12 02 - 9:35pm
pw

outstanding stuff! keep up the great work!

Jul 13 02 - 10:41pm
mb

Amy Sedaris is hilarous! Where I can read more information on her? she is awesome. mbride1@lsu.edu

Jul 19 02 - 10:40pm
JDH

my ladyfriend wants a hot dog t shirt like amy has! anyone know where it can be had?

Jul 26 02 - 12:04pm
TD

How in the world can I get in touch with Amy Sedaris? I have absolutely no idea who she is, but just saw her tonight on Letterman. I am absolutely fascinated and must be in touch with her. If anyone knows anything, please contact me. travis.day@verizon.net

Jul 26 02 - 12:18pm
JAS

Tattle-tale, Tattle-tale, Tattle-tale.
Sigh.
I'm sad.

Jul 26 02 - 12:28pm
MRL

Amy, Will you marry me? Or can I atleast be your makebelieve boyfriend? Years from now when they speak of us (and you know they will) they'll say, "It was just such a beautiful story." ;

Jul 26 02 - 1:59am
TAS

RE: Letterman. And she can sing too. I almost peed my pants thinking of her singing at the airport. Awesome. Hilarious nanny bit.

Jul 26 02 - 10:25am
BA

I was watching TV last night (7-25-02) and flipped to David Letterman who was interviewing the most captivating woman with whom I felt myself immediately falling in love. Imagine that! I had no idea who she was. Then Letterman, prior to a break, said her name. I had heard of Ms. Sedaris in some context (perhaps while reading a magazine in a supermarket checkout line) but still know hardly anything about her. However, after reading your interview, I'm even more smitten. Now if you are really a good guy, you'll introduce me to this girl. I'll always be good to her and I promise I'll make her very happy.

BILLY APT
Austin, Texas

Jul 26 02 - 3:47pm
ts

Amy Sedaris...my ideal woman... Why can't they all be like her? I've been reading Dave's stuff for years but I didn't realize that he wasn't the smartest or funniest of the clan. Damn, I wish she were mine. We could share recipes for stew and whipped toppings.

Jul 26 02 - 3:52pm
ts

so..um...i just wrote the stuff below...but realized that i'd also like more info on the hilarious, vivacious, beautiful vixen who has evidently captivated so many hearts...send it to xler8ed@hotmail.com

Jul 26 02 - 3:53pm
jas

http://www.rabbitcare.org/adopt.html You can never replace them and are devestated when they're gone. The problem is that there are just so many in need.

Jul 28 02 - 12:45pm
LB

I saw her bum bum and now my pants are tight. What's happening?

Aug 14 02 - 6:27pm
MDC

Wonderful interview, wonderful woman. Spectacular butt too.

Sep 14 02 - 6:52pm
vg

Those were some really personal questions is Amy Todd's gillgirlfriend?

Oct 18 02 - 1:53pm
pdg

I loved the interview. It was outrageously weird and funny and offbeat, just like its topic.
Amy would be hysterical to meet, and probably a gas in bed.

Mar 29 11 - 10:17pm
buggeroff

Woohoo I'm writing this in 2011 and Amy still rocks and is kinda rich and famous now! haha