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Vicky, 28, software developer
Dan, 29, graphic designer
Dan and Vicky dated in high school, broke up, got back together five years ago and married in April. Vicky makes more than twice as much money as Dan, so when they moved in together, the couple decided to live mostly within means they could mutually afford.
Dan: When we got together, I had no established financial identity. My dad was still giving me money for college, and I was driving a used car my parents bought me.
Vicky: In the very beginning, we kept very separate ledgers. Then, when we moved in together [and combined our finances], we decided on a set amount for Dan to give me per month, and it was my responsibility to stay within that [for both of us], because he couldn't pay more. If we went over that, it was up to me to pay the difference.
Dan: So on rent and bills, we were paying 50/50, even though it was everything I had. Then again, she was usually buying dinner because she had more disposable income.
Vicky: I thought he was giving up a lot to say, "I will pay fifty percent, and then give up control of the money." He was giving up so much, I felt responsible as the accountant — I was a business major, so that wasn't a problem for me. But when what he owed was a little more than what he was making, I just covered it. Things didn't quite match up for a few months, and then at one point I had to ask my parents for money. That was a learning experience.
Dan: We're more aware now. Every few months we figure out if we need to reassess. But the initial agreement was that we both needed to be putting an equal amount of money into our basic lifestyle for us to be on equal ground.
So, Jeffrey and I have been together for a year and a half. I don't pay rent or bills. Am I a gold-digger?
Vicky: I think the distinction is, if you're building toward a long-term life together, you can't call that gold-digging. We made a plan that we both agreed to. I think it could just as easily have worked if we'd said, "Let's do it 70/30." But we had a plan that we came up with together, and I think that's what worked.
Dan: I pride myself on the way I handled it. I was able to meet Vicky half and half, and that's fair. But as proud as I am of how we've handled it, we handled it that way because I'm lucky. It could have been a situation where I couldn't have paid half — I wouldn't have been comfortable with that.
Vicky: But your situations are different. When Dan finished school and went to a job, it wasn't hit and miss, feast and famine. If he had been freelancing, we would have had a different plan. You have an unstable income in an unstable world. Having that rock is as important as other elements of attractiveness. If anything, you're stability-digging, not gold-digging.
n°
| GOLD-DIGGING INTERVIEWS |
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Brian, 55, electrical engineer,
&
Audrey, 51, homemaker |
Melissa, 30, mathematician,
& Len, 60, retired music teacher |
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| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: |
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Emily DePrang is a writer in Texas. She is holding Hair Mayo. |
©2008 Emily DePrang and Nerve.com |
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