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Melissa, 30, mathematician
Len, 60, retired music teacher
Melissa and Len have been dating for a year and a half, one year of which they've cohabitated. Melissa taught at a junior college for the first half of their relationship, but resigned due to a substance-abuse problem. She's been clean for five months, but she's still unemployed. I interviewed Len and Melissa separately.
Melissa: It was never my intention to land this role. Five years ago, if you asked me if this would be my existence, I would have said hell no. In college, I was hell-bent on dissecting how binaries of power work; now I find myself on the bottom of every binary. I'm the younger, female non-earner, and I'm genuflecting before the older earning male. I never thought I'd allow this to happen, but I fell into it and now I'm benefiting from it.
But it feels absolutely ridiculous and bizarre. I feel guilty all the time. There's a 1950s housewife mentality, where in the morning it's time for me to get up and make breakfast for my baby. I make three meals a day and I stay busy with cleaning or household projects. My license was suspended so I can't drive myself to a job, but it's not like I sleep in and eat bon bons. But I still feel guilty. When I'm tossing and turning at night, thinking about things, the only thing that lets me sleep is remembering that this is a mutually beneficial relationship. Everyone wins. I've just got to accept it.
I've supported myself ever since I got out of high school and I've dated guys who made more, who wanted me to move in, but I always refused. I didn't want to be dependent on anybody. I've had opportunities to dig for gold, but I never took anybody up on it because of the repercussions. That's one reason I don't think I'm a gold-digger.
Basically, I'm not a gold-digger because I don't have a Juicy Couture jumpsuit and I don't want a Juicy Couture jumpsuit. Also, I don't think my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I think it brings maybe one or two boys. Really, it's Len's milkshake that brings me to the yard.
Len: I don't know what a sugardaddy is. A sugardaddy has a pinkie ring and an aging Cadillac. "Sugardaddy." What a ridiculous expression. I'm living with Melissa because she came into my life and I like her. She makes me smile and she's incredibly warm and cuddly. And she's batfuck crazy.
She takes care of me and I take care of her. If you want to deal in terms of power, there are all kinds of power inequities. She's young and I'm not. I'm on the tail end of my career and most of my life has gone by, so I know some stuff. There are always inequities. It can either be a crippling, disintegrating, degenerating situation or it can be evolutionary. I'm learning about that. You can't expunge and eradicate power inequities just by force of will. But you can do something about how you react to it, how you deal with it. If Melissa is a gold-digger, she has very low standards.
When you first asked me if I thought you were a gold-digger, I didn't think you were serious. I couldn't believe you were talking about that. I would think that would have been too insulting to discuss. To me, those words imply a premeditated attempt to parasitically use somebody else. I don't think you're doing that, and I certainly don't think that Melissa is doing that. If I actually thought you were parasitically using Jeffrey, I'd tell you straight-up. That would be an ethical and moral issue, not a practical one. Those words may have a much less grave contemporary association, but for me, it's very different. No, you're not a gold-digger. It's not even up for discussion.
n°
| GOLD-DIGGING INTERVIEWS |
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Brian, 55, electrical engineer,
&
Audrey, 51, homemaker |
Melissa, 30, mathematician,
& Len, 60, retired music teacher |
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| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: |
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Emily DePrang is a writer in Texas. She is holding Hair Mayo. |
©2008 Emily DePrang and Nerve.com |
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