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Some of Tony's best friends are Jews. His most significant boyfriend was too, he says. So when his Jewish friend Jessica said, "You can date all the WASPs you want, but you're not going to find someone who'll talk about his feelings or be willing to analyze them," Tony, a New Yorker of non-Jewish Italian descent, found himself posting a profile on JDate.com, "the premier Jewish singles community on the Net."
No avid J-suitor will be shocked to find Tony's profile (which makes clear that he's not Jewish) among the "BlueeyedJew"s and "BagelBoy"s who are both members of the site and members of the tribe. Non-Jews in search of Jews — gay and straight, male and
promotion
female — have become commonplace on JDate. The percentage of JDate's 650,000 members identifying themselves as religiously "unaffiliated" is now 13% and rising. (Caveat: that designation also includes Jews who don't align themselves with a particular Jewish movement, e.g. Reform or Conservative.) JDate has not gone so far as to add check-boxes for religions other than Jewish — it'd be philosophically tricky — but non-Jews have reached at least one measure of critical mass: the site has added the option of designating oneself "Willing to convert." At this point, it's entirely possible that JDate could bring together two Gentiles. ("It's kismet! We're both into film noir, snowboarding and Jews.")
JDate spokesperson Gail Laguna says she's heard no complaints about non-Jews using the site and that no serious thought has been given to excluding them. (More conservative Jewish dating sites do.) "The site is designed for Jewish singles — there's no way to make that clearer," she says. "We just want to make sure everyone has the tools they need to represent themselves openly and honestly."
Sure, there are a few wise guys, like the fellow who befuddled my friend Abby by saying "Like everyone, I'm a little bit Jewish," or the one who outright lied to my friend Monica that he was a Reform Jew. (Then again, he also failed to mention that he was living in Nigeria.) But in general,
JDate has a good reputation. And when it comes to dating and marriage, so do the Jews.
the non-Jews on JDate are not shy. Click around a bit, and you'll easily find member profiles declaring "I AM NOT JEWISH!!!" or "I am Roman Catholic, but ..." or simply "ILIKEBACON."
Which begs the question: what are these people doing on JDate? And whatever it is, is it good for the Jews?
For one thing, JDate has a good reputation — and, when it comes to dating and marriage, so do the Jews. Especially men. My non-Jewish friend Laura registered after a work friend said, "If I were single, I'd be on JDate. That's where all the best guys are."
Sure enough, women's profiles confessing a "soft spot for Jewish men" tend to describe them with terms like "family-oriented," "devoted," and "mother." "Jewish men are perceived as mensches, and mensches make the best marriage material," says dating expert Robin Gorman Newman, founder of LoveCoach.com and author of How to Marry a Mensch, adding that of course these are perceptions, if not stereotypes, with plenty of exceptions. "Of course, just because you had a bar mitzvah doesn't mean you're a mensch. Or not a wack-job."
One California woman I spoke to — who was raised Hindu — said that for her, joining JDate was about what she saw as the menschiness of Jewish culture in general, plus the shared background of ancient civilizations and, more recently, the immigrant experience. "From my experience with Jewish friends and a Jewish boyfriend, I feel that we have similar value systems, an emphasis on community activism and education. One of the things that also struck me about Jewish culture is the significance of women in the family. For us, it's more complicated."
