promotion

One senses that you feel a lot of kinship with Helen. If she were a relative, would you take her to parties?
People think because I wrote the book that I have no problem with anything, but it's not true. I'd be really embarrassed by Helen farting in public. Lots of things are in the book because I have problems with them. I wanted to be really honest about things I'm embarrassed about myself. But now people look at me in a completely different way, thinking, "You can't make that up. She must be like that!" I just think Helen is much cooler than I am. If I were Eminem, she'd be Slim Shady.

There's a lot of passing wisdom in the book, a lot of philosophical asides. Is there any philosophy in particular that you were especially happy to fit in?
To say God doesn't exist was great. I come from an atheist family; nobody is Christened. We live this life knowing God doesn't exist but we're in a Christian society, and I was raised that you're not allowed to tell Christians that God doesn't exist. You're not supposed to hurt religious people's feelings; it's a big taboo. You sit there killing yourself laughing when someone says they believe in God, but you're not allowed to say it. I spoke to a German film director a few weeks ago who said that in every good book there needs to be the statement that we don't go to Heaven.

It's a good thing that some people can use it as an anti-disinfecting manifesto if they choose to — that's a nice message — but I do think it takes away from the book as a story. The second half is less outrageous, and we get closer to Helen. I hope people don't lose the subtle emotions and interactions with her family amid all the hype about its shocking parts.
Readers aren't normally shocked — it's only journalists. You can't really shock normal readers. It's not so special or so new that you can actually shock people.

It seems like the first half of the book has the agenda to provoke, to make political statements, and to shock, whereas the second half is more about her family and her feelings. Were you trying to get the first things out of the way so you could tell the story you wanted to tell?
It's really funny that you asked that. I've never been asked that, and I've done tons and tons of interviews. The first thing I had was all the ideas concerning smegma, menstruation, masturbation, all this smelly, slimy stuff, being creative with all the secret things. Then I needed a story. I needed somebody to do it, I needed a family, somebody to walk in and do things. So I just took my family, my real story with my parents. All the divorce stuff is completely real — you know, it's my first book. At first, the whole book was covered with the liquids stuff, but my editor told me to put all that at the beginning. Otherwise it would be too much.

What will your next book be on?
The only thing I can say is that I won't write anything on anal sex any more. It's so tiring talking to strangers all the time about anal sex; I just can't stand it any longer. You feel like a prostitute every day. It's terrible.

Read an excerpt of Wetlands here.