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This was good!

Lux speaks the truth!

thanks for the article, it is successfully reading against the grain of porn-saturated, unimaginative subjectivity, without citing feminist agendas like that of dworkin

When not at work, I have four or five ladyfriends I intend to share this with. Well done.

This is so true it's painful. Though not as painful as having your bf trying to fit all of a clenched fist into your vag.thank you ever so much, porn...

Why doesn't this article approach from the male side? I.E., if men are watching all this porn, shouldn't that tell women something about how MEN want to be pleased? Rather than taking the knee-jerk "porn is ruining men" attitude, perhaps you could approach it from the "this is what men want, why aren't women listening?" perspective.

Here here JBA!! C'mon ladies get your freak on tonight. Tomorrow night we'll do it all soft and snugly like you want it.

My boyfriend and I have tried pretty much everything that intrigued us in porn, and elarned the fairly obvious lessons--the anal piledriver looks cool and is fun for a bit, but then his legs tsrat hurting from the angle and I get a crick in my neck. The standing 69 is a nice party trick, but again, he got a biut tired, and it's hard to concentrate on cocksucking when all the blood is rushing to your head and you're a little nervous someone might drop you. Fisting looks hot, but his hands are really big. Piss play is sort of entertaining, but I don't quite get the thrill. And so on. Still and all, being with someone who is *willing* to try all the silly things we see in porn is a good thing, because it means he's open to experimentation, and won't be grossed out by anything I suggest. And porn has shown us a few little twists and variations that make "regular sex" a bit more entertaining. But don't try "the wheelbarrow" on a hardwood floor. Really.

Thanks for this--well written and very thoughtful. I don't think porn has to be bad, but I think more often than not it teaches dumb sexual behavior. Good to see some suggestions for using porn without accepting it as some kind of manual for life.

Porn is a distraction when it comes to real sex. The entire mindset of porn, today anyway, involves clicking from one moment to the next on the internet, barely acknowledging one fantasy before moving on. Real sex requires being actually present, you know? Concentrating, letting yourself feel one thing and not anticipating. Porn's influence will only take a person out of that state of mind, reducing the experience to a sequence of events on a sort of list.... It's pathetically shallow next to any kind of good sexual experience.

this was an interesting article. you left out how women can be like porn stars during sex though. maybe the next article?

RP Hit it right on the head. This is one of the best nerve articles i've read. Lux's insight was strangly profound. Leave it to the perverts on Nerve to carefully examine porn without the manufactured outrage and tiresome political and ideological debates that that make the discussion so boring in mainstream media. Great Job Cord, keep it up!

JBA/SCF- I'm more than happy to get my freak on. I'll do it in public. You can tie me up, or I'll tie you up. I'm glad to hit you, if desired, and more than pleased to walk away with a few bruises. Anal? Well, hey, why not lube up and give it a whirl. But don't whack your penis against my thigh and ignore my WTF look. Don't be disgusted by any hair that suggests I'm not 9 and never do a little manscaping. And for the love of all that is holy, don't repeat one line of "dirty" talk over and over. Sexy is trying new things, not reenacting porn. That's just lazy.

Excellent piece! For about 6 months in 2003 I was certain I could drive around in a beat up cargo van, offer girls 50 bucks to take part in my documentary, only to have sex with them on camera, take the money back and drop them off somewhere deep in the Everglades.

Nice writing.

i did learn a lot about good starter positions from porn, which proved very useful when i first lost my virginity. i obviously left out the "you like that?" and general lack of respect though

I was annoyed to read this in the middle of an otherwise good article: "When dealing with women in any scenario, but especially ones in which you're having sex with them, it's also important to remember that they're probably smarter than you." What the hell? I'm all for humility and respect, but this is stupid sexist crap that never should've gotten past an editor, and certainly isn't the way to make up for umpteen years of sexism and Larry Summers. Whenever I hear a dude spout this kind of line, I look around for the women's studies major whose pants he's trying to get into.

Agree with S.F. "When dealing with women in any scenario, but especially ones in which you're having sex with them, it's also important to remember that they're probably smarter than you." What a load of BS.

@RJ, @SF I think that was supposed to be humor--you know, haha?

oh, what a good article, thanks. Porn is to actual sex what the x-games are to hiking. You can do it if you really feel the need, but the Injury/pleasure ratio leaves something to be desired. These people are as trained as athletes. Oh, and parents: since the kids are on the webs, just explaining sex won't do anymore. You guys HAVE to explain porn. 13 year olds shouldn't think facials are standard.

I think every guy should read this.

ns-true, very true.

Thank you for this awesome article. It actually described my last relationship where the sex was so bad that I could barely stand it but I liked the guy so much that I was willing to try to put up with it. I never put two and two together til your article that I was part of a porn with the worst dick smacking, clothes ripping, bizarre grunting I'd ever heard. It was really strange compared to other lovers I've had where they were more into figuring out what we both liked and not what had been scripted. I like porn too but for play and not as "a play". You've got it down in my opinion as far as what a lot of women would like.

Brilliantly written, made me laugh a lot. Yeah, as I start dating gen Y boys, I am definitely noticing the difference – luckily I find being turkey-slapped rather entertaining. I guess it’s all about whether they have a sense of irony about it all.

this was a very entertaining read. that being said, im a woman who watches porn and i an NOT turned on by lesbian porn! in fact, i am turned on by seeing both parties enjoying themselves so i have to be really picky about what type of porn i watch. there is an assumption by a lot of men that women are all secretly lesbians or have an inclination towards lesbianism that is untapped...and implicit in Mr. Jefferson's article is that argument that women like to watch women (and secretly like women in general). Some of us don't. Some of us like to watch porn that features that good old fashioned slow grind and also a man pleasing a woman pleasing a man. :)

Except that a lot of lesbian porn isn't women actually enjoying themselves. It's straight women still overacting and doing what they think will please men. As a lesbian, I have to say my sex has never really resembled the lesbian porn I've seen, at least nothing mainstream.

Hello......Got to agree with jj. I have to disagree with the statement that men should watch more lesbian porn. Lesbian porn involves a lot of chewing on the genitals.

Couldn't agree more. Check out my website: http://makelovenotporn.com

Right on Cord! What's with all this hairlessness? I like a woman to look like a woman, not a child or a plucked chicken. I don't even bother with the modern porno garbage. You've got to go back to the Eighties for decent porn. It was far more imaginative and seductive then than what's dished up these days. Anyhow, porn's OK for a little solo slap-and-tickle, but I have to agree that if you have a woman beside you the best it can hope to be is a conversation starter.

I was with you up until you got to lesbian porn. Straight women prefer to watch lesbian porn because it seems more authentic? That is not true. What has been found, is that men tend to respond to pornography that mirrors their sexual orientation, whereas women tend to respond equally to all pornography. Straight men should not use porn as sex instruction. This includes lesbian porn. :)

I would like to tell everyone a sex secret. I kind of don't want to because then I will have more competition. However, I am sick of all of the confusion men seem to have regarding sex so here goes. 1) enjoy yourself 2) listen to her body language so it is that easy, but in case you are confused still here are the steps again... 1) Take pleasure out of everything you do to her. This includes every touch and kiss. Think about how good it feels to you while you are doing it. Enjoy yourself completely. Pleasure is contagious. 2) To further your enjoyment, take pleasure in listening to her. There is a gasp of breath, or a soft moan, or even a sudden silence that will come when you're doing something that feels just right for her. Enjoy the moments up until then, and especially enjoy them.

I assume we'll get a follow-up story on whether romance novels ruin women in bed, right?