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The glaring difference? Dozens of cuckold websites affirm that today's cucks aren't just standing helplessly by. They're begging well-endowed men to have sex with their insatiable wives.
The cuckold community remains largely online, though in San Francisco, the private club Cuckold Dreams hosts parties for its members. On Haway.org, run by Seattle-based cuckolder Rusty Haway, members can browse ads, post forums and share stories, video and photos. CuckoldPlace.com (a more advanced site where "52,417 registered users can't be wrong!"), has different categories for members to explore: interracial, intergenerational, basic, ultimate. Here, ads are posted by couples and bulls from all over the world, and range from detailed accounts (accompanied with dick pics and email addresses) to traditional social networking ("Any bulls in Indianapolis?") Advice is solicited and shared: "Should Wife spend Her vacation along with Her lover(s)?" And, "Should the cuck be chastised?" On the utilitarian Craigslist, dozens of cuckolding-related ads can be found on any given day, though the majority are bulls looking for hotwives.
Other sites
"Most black men are not offended by the stereotype that they're well-hung. What gets on my nerves is when the ad says, 'We want a gold-toothed, baggy-pants type,'" |
feature images ranging from semen dripping over wedding bands to ethereal caucasian goddesses standing next to black men in mirrored shades. The race thing is one of cuckolding's more uncomfortable aspects. On most cuckolding sites, such as blacksonwives.com and myslutwife.com, there is an overwhelming preoccupation with "Mandingos," or well-endowed black men. Similar racial parameters exist in the swinging community, as highlighted in Details magazine's March article on "Mandingo parties" — interracial orgies arranged for single black men to have sex with white wives in front of their white husbands. The popularity of the orgies is buttressed by a two-prong fantasy: the white couple's fetish for a "BBC" (big, black cock), and the Mandingo's fetish for having sex with rich, white wives. All participants get something out of it, and a Mandingo even argues that interracial orgies are a by-product of multiculturalism and tolerance. But bigotry — and a dose of white guilt — lie at the heart of any racialized fetish: black men, despite their "superior" sexual prowess, are debased and eroticized, and believed to pose less of a threat because the wives would supposedly never date them.
The cucks I interviewed denied having a preference for Mandingos, but would eventually admit some sort of racialized, if not racist, baggage. Bob, a forty-seven-year-old caucasian male, says he found a relationship through an online ad posted by a woman pursuing black bulls. "I emailed her because I was hoping to fall in love with a sexual white woman who does black guys," he says. "We hooked up and it was really wild."
"In American cuckold culture," he adds, "it's the white couple that has black bulls. There's a notion that black men are better-endowed, and the whole idea of white men getting off on feeling sexually inferior to black men."
A Black-Puerto Rican bull I interviewed does not answer white couples' ads because "they tend to be more rigid in terms of what they look for in a bull," he says. "If you're a black bull, you'd better fit the mold of what the stereotypical black guy is. To them, he's a cornrow-wearing thug or basketball player. They're more into the fantasy — the big, black Mandingo."
"Most black men are not offended by the stereotype that they're well-hung," he continues. "But what gets on my nerves is when the ad says, 'We want a gold-toothed, baggy-pants type,' or, 'We want you to look like Allen Iverson or Usher.' You know what? The typical bull on Craigslist is not going to look like Usher, so get over your stereotype and deal with it."
The identity politics don't stop there. While watching another man have sex with his female partner, a cuck also negotiates a
"I would never go out to a gay club and blow guys. Cuckolding allows us to express these desires without having to actually have sex with a man." |
homoerotic encounter in a way that feels less threatening to his heterosexual identity. A cuck with latent bisexual or gay tendencies may be unwilling to have sex with a man, but can concede to watching his woman in the act and vicariously experience it through her. If he decides to perform oral sex on a bull, it's spun as an act meant to please his female partner. The presence of a conduit — the wife or girlfriend — helps to contain his desires within a safer scope of bi-curious sexuality. Bob, for example, would consider being forced into oral sex with a bull, "but I would never go out to a gay club and blow guys. For men, it's taboo to have bisexual relationships. Cuckolding allows us to express these desires without having to actually have sex with a man."
In his erotic nineteenth-century novel Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch writes of a character who tells his lover, "Suffering has a peculiar attraction for me. Nothing can intensify my passion more than tyranny, cruelty and especially the faithlessness of a beautiful woman." These predilections were later detailed in The Confessions of Wanda von Sacher-Masoch, written by his wife, also known as Aurora Rümelin. According to the memoir, von Sacher-Masoch forced her to take on additional lovers so that he could experience the pain and humiliation of "infidelity," and was so obsessed with being cuckolded that he personally set up liaisons with other men for his wife, and threatened her if she didn't cooperate.
And this is how cuckolding, or any fetish, complicates the notion of who is actually in control. For a fantasy that requires the roles of submissive males and dominant females, is the "forceful and lust-driven wife" really the controlling party when coerced into making her husband's wet dream a reality?
Bob believes cuckolding relationships should be based on mutual consent, and would never twist a woman's arm into cuckoldry. But similar to von Sacher-Masoch, he often has to coax his girlfriends into participating in his fetish. If they refuse, the relationship ends. If they agree, Bob becomes both the submissive cuck and the voice of authority. "I've trained girlfriends to be more dominant, and how to properly tease and humiliate me," he says. "Women are usually not born as cuckoldresses."
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