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When Bob was thirty-three, he found a girlfriend who voluntarily had sex with several other men, but expected him to remain monogamous. When Bob revealed his fetish, she agreed to cuckold him, and he stopped having sex with her altogether. "If I kept her satisfied sexually, she wouldn't have a reason to go out and sleep with other guys," Bob explains over the phone. "I had to convince her to concentrate on extramartial affairs as her only avenue for sex to ensure that she would keep searching for and finding men."
Unlike Kurt and Christina, Bob and his girlfriend would dupe their unwitting bull; Bob would hide in the closet or under the bed while his girlfriend had sex above him. Bob helped her groom and prepare for dates. Several days before her date with the bull, Bob would take her shopping for the plunging neckline of her choice. At the mall, they played out their sexual roles: he acted meek and pathetic, protesting that the new clothes
"I've trained girlfriends to be more dominant, and how to properly tease and humiliate me," he says. "Women are usually not born as cuckoldresses." |
were too provocative, and she would order him to buy them for her anyway. The day before the date, she would make him pay for her manicure and pedicure, or order him to shave her legs in the shower. "Helping her get ready for her date was a huge mind-fuck that I enjoyed immensely," he says.
But the biggest mind-fuck of all was clean-up duty — Bob liked to perform oral sex on his girlfriend immediately after she had sex with another man. "What makes it erotic is that my woman is really enjoying herself" with the bull, he says. "Then she comes back to me, and humiliates me by saying, 'Now it's your turn to have me. You can taste what the other guy left behind.'"
Bob could spend days kicking around theories explaining his behavior. (Low self-esteem? Oedipus complex?) But rather than putting a psychological stamp on his behavior, he's content with the explanation that he's submissive in the sack. "I'm not a docile person and I don't let anyone push me around," he says. "I'm not intimidated by younger, virile men with larger penises. But my fetish sexualizes it in a way that I feel inferior to them and enjoy those thoughts for the moment. You grow up in a society that always tells you, 'No one is better than you. Don't let anybody push you around. Don't let anybody tell you that you're not good enough.' That's all good in the real world, but why don't we tweak it in the sexual world?"
On a recent Saturday afternoon, it is Kurt and Christina's eight-year wedding anniversary. I ask them what their plans are for the night. "[Claudio] might come over," Christina tells me. "We might drop some E. If you want to join us, the invitation is always open."
Instead, I meet Claudio alone at a coffee shop in Manhattan. He's lanky, and flecks of salt-and-pepper hair are tucked under a black cap. He has intelligent eyes and slightly elfin ears. Claudio, thirty-five, met Kurt and Christina, his first cuckolding couple, in 2005. He answered their ad for a bull because it was hard for him to find single women online to have sex with. He noticed a pattern in straight women seeking sex online — the majority of attractive and sane females were always one-half of a couple. "I saw a lot of ads seeking bulls. So I thought, why don't I try this cuckolding thing?"
The first time Claudio walked from the train station to the couple's apartment, his heart was racing. He played out different scenarios in his head: if he got too nervous, he thought, he would back out altogether. As he walked into the doorman building with marble floors, he had "the complete jitters." Christina was waiting for him in the lobby.
"I was always the one who didn't get noticed, the guy who people never paid attention to," he says. "I like the attention I get from being a bull." |
They greeted each other. Within five seconds of seeing him, she said, "So, did you bring your dick?"
"Uh, yeah," Claudio stammered. "I did."
"Good. Just checking."
Once they went inside, Claudio met Kurt, and while the men talked in the bedroom, Claudio got his first real look at Christina's taut figure. A few minutes later, Christina was measuring his penis, and making sure Kurt was getting it on videotape. "I like the attention I get from being a bull," Claudio admits. "I'm the one that keeps the action moving. If I can't perform, nothing happens. I like being in that role."
He feels that bull-dom has made him a new person. "It's not every man that can just take off his clothes in front of another man and not feel threatened or uncomfortable," he says. "Being a bull is my way of being someone I'm not in regular life. It's helped me break out of my shell because I have more confidence now. I found myself through cuckolding."
Even as he plays the alpha-male role during sex with Christina, Claudio doesn't feel like he's better than Kurt. If anything, he envies him. "He has this great-looking wife, and has all this great sex without any of the worries or troubles that I have to go through as a single male," Claudio says. "I'm still struggling to attain what he has. To me, he has it made."
Kurt and Christina couldn't agree more. A bull simply plays a marginal role in their sex life, and only reinforces the sex they have with each other. "Sexually, I know I'm the one," Kurt says. "No one is better for each other than we are. The things we get from additional partners are just different body parts, smells, actions, styles. In the end, I'm the one tearing her up."
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| ABOUT THE AUTHOR: |
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Kai Ma is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Jane, New York,
Newsday, and the San Francisco Chronicle. She is co-author
of "The Awful Truth," a relationship column published in Audrey. |
©2007 Kai Ma and Nerve.com |
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