Jack, you missed the point on the whole cougar thing. What a downer article. Besides, you're a bit too old to be prey. You should have had a local (and younger) guy take you around and show you the real story. Come back anytime.

T.O. commented on Dec 06 01 at 2:01 am

Being a transplanted Torontonian myself, I can testify to the intensity of the whole Cougar phenomenon. But I must agree that Jack is a bit old to be "chosen." The first time I was "chosen" was when I was 23 at a holiday party at a rented ballroom/reception hall for my work (predominantly 30-something women and 20-something men). I was sitting a table with my buddies, when the Cougar in question (the owner's daughter -- two kids, a boob job, strappy sandals, etc.) just walked up, licked her finger, stuck it in my ear and walked away. She gave me a Wet Willie. I looked at my buddies and said "What the hell was that?" They started chanting "Chosen One, Chosen One!" until they broke out in laughter. I scoffed at them, but an hour later we were doing it on a table in "The Bridal Room" -- a change room just off the main ballroom covered in mirrors. I guess the place was primarily used for wedding receptions. Anyway, when I returned, of course it was written all over my face -- and neck and collar bones -- in lipstick. I had been TAKEN, and was somewhat bewildered. I also wanted another go. Do you think I had my calls returned? An "older" guy at work (only 32, I says now...) told me to relax and forget about it, to just enjoy the attention -- that it wasn't about me, that being chosen was just about the angle she caught my bicep at when she walked by, the breadth of my shoulders, a particular spike in my hair that night. "They're just like us," he said. "It's what happens to women when they get older. Enjoy it while you can." Not sure if I believe him, of course, but I've never had better sex in my life than with my wife, and we're both 30. BTW, the last time I was "chosen," I was 26. That's a three year window of opportunity. And while the Cougars in between used a variety of techniques and sensitivity to approach me, the last one also brokered the deal with a juvenile prank like a Wet Willie -- this time a Nipple Twister, or commonly: A Purple Nurple. What's with that? On a side note, maybe Nerve should do a story on the what I think of as "The Sharks" of Manhattan -- the late-20's, early-30's, well-dressed women at parties, bars and on the streets who don't seem to care that I am attached. The ones who will wink at me over my wife's shoulder as we embrace on a corner or as we sit holding hands on the subway! They're shameless!

GM commented on Dec 06 01 at 9:56 am

How can you spend 18 paragraphs speculating on how awful and self-deluding this phenomenon is, but only one sentence hinting at the possibility that maybe your perspective is flawed? And what's with that ending? Sounds like you're giving that antiquated, self-hating, hyper-romantic, mysoginistic "there will never be another" philosophy your stamp of approval.

lk commented on Dec 06 01 at 12:40 pm

It may well be true that middle-aged and older men are principally looking for younger women, thereby "forcing" women of that age to look to younger men. However, it isn't true of all men 40+. As far as I'm concerned, women 45-55 are the finest of all; I haven't the slightest interest in younger ones. So, what I say is: ladies, we're here, we're interested in you and finding you, but we sure aren't prowling bars to find the women we're interested in.

BB commented on Dec 06 01 at 5:45 pm

What a shame. Lousy piece. Bullshit reporting. And couldn't care less what Jack's deep thoughts on cougardom might be. There is a genuine cougar culture here in T.O. and he missed it.

B.S. commented on Dec 07 01 at 2:45 am

I agree. In my experience young guys up to 30 are so excited just to get laid. I am 43 female.

mm commented on Dec 07 01 at 6:07 pm

This piece seems to be more about Jack Murnighan than "Cougars' Night Out." That is fine as a premise, but it's not what I was hoping to read about. I'd like to see a reporter get past what these women say superficially, if there's some underlying Truth beyond that, as the author seems to believe. He doesn't find out, he guesses. I'd be more interested in some R&D--the real deal-- rather than Murnighan's admitted prejudices. Murnigan seems keen on distancing himself from these women, who, frankly, aren't as far away from him chronologically as he would like to think. 32? 40? Hello. Not a big difference. It's not like you can have mommy issues with every woman eight to 10 years older, man, unless you've got a kink for mommies that are closer to siblings than parents.

NG commented on Dec 11 01 at 9:56 pm

What's so phenomenal about older women and younger men? Wasn't "The Graduate" filmed 30 years ago? Hell, you only hear "Mrs. Robinson" on oldies stations. We men reach our peak sexuality early in our adulthood. Women peak somewhere in their late 30's, early 40's. This is well documented. That people in these respective age groups should pair up from time to time is not worthy of the term "phenomenon." It is just natural.

CS commented on Dec 13 01 at 4:25 pm

Great story. I really enjoyed it. I have one question however. What the hell is a sestegenarian? I ask for two reasons. No. 1, I don't know the meaning and no.2 ........I fear I may be one. Keep up the great writing. Hadalotoffunwithacougarlately.

commented on Jan 11 02 at 1:30 am

I think this article merits a response, and a scathing one at that. The author cannot suppose to understand what the cougar-prey phenomenon is all about after having attended 2 events in Toronto. This is originally a West coast phenomenon. A more in depth researcher would have perhaps posted inquiries on cougardate.com, or observed that a documentary is being written about the phenomenon and inquired into this. How does a good researcher delve into the psyche of the cougar and prey interaction? By talking to many. many participants-do some research for Christ's sake!! The cougars I know are not pathetic women in their forties, preferring to date men their own age and desperately seeking relationships but settling for and enjoying the control they can exert over younger males-a blatant sort of sexism. While this Spring-Winter romance has been perpetrated by men throughout history, many women (not all, I might add) who are now feeling more equal and empowered choose to date who they please, often a younger, more attractive man. It is now less of a societal taboo. It is exciting, if this is what you find attractive. And there are, as you have indicated, about 25 men to every woman out there, on-line or not, in this category. Sure some are focused on the hit and run opportunities such a sexual liason can provide-this goes both ways. And I say ENJOY! I have met, as a cougar-in-training, some fabulous women (and men) who, having matured are less threatened by other women, are less dominated or controlled by their partners and who call their own shots. I have made some great friends on-line in this community, who demonstrate respect for the men they date, in an attempt to connect with like-minded individuals in a sometimes cold, impersonal and "judge them by their looks" bar-oriented society. So don't write off the cougar-prey interaction as one of the older, pining woman who is revisiting their youth by seducing the boytoy for prey. The younger men I meet often want to be seduced, or they would not be there. Or more commonly, they enjoy the game of the hunt, and may seriously consider an older, experienced woman,as sexy and appealing from an intellectual perspective and a financial perspective. Well-travelled, uninhibited, less "looks-obsessed", and sexually at her peak-what more could you ask for? Just as I find younger men more energetic, more open minded, and better as a partner(sexual or otherwise)than men of my own age, or my father's age for that matter. Women no longer need to marry for procreation, money, to feel secure or to "keep a man". The sister's are doing it for themselves.

CFS commented on Mar 21 02 at 6:20 am

Nice piece...something new and different, well sort of. I am intrigued by this piece.

sn commented on Apr 04 02 at 10:58 am

I think it's a really good article documenting the mating rituals in those towns "town?" ... but you can't assume that the behaviors witnessed apply to a widespread phenomenon of older women dating younger men. And the biggest reason that there is an unavailability of similar aged men is because they are dating younger women. Much of it, at least in my environment, has to do with the change in gender roles over the past 20 years. Most 40 year old men are married and/or have kids, if they're not gay. Younger men are usually less old fashioned when it comes to conventional marriage and career roles, and men just age faster. So when the writer sees Goldie Hawn, or Cher, or Katie Couric, he thinks of his mother? Sounds Freudian to me.

ap commented on Jun 10 02 at 4:22 am

I'd like to correspond with the writer of the article. Thanks. Anita

AM commented on May 14 03 at 2:08 am

First I need to say that I am a 43 year old woman and that I have two teenage daughters (16 &18). I currently live in Vancouver but I am originally from Montreal. I separated when my kids were 1 and 3, after a 10 year relationship with their father. I had a couple of lame relationships after that, with guys my age but they were not very happy ones (fueled with drug and alcohol problems). After my last break-up I decided it was time to go out and have fun... I discovered that guys as young as 20 were interested in me and coming on to me on a regular basis. So I guess it only depends where you hang out and if you can blend in fairly well. Most people think I am anywhere between 27 to 34 but do not care much about age in general. Last year I went travelling to South East Asia and had plenty of sex with younger men. The attraction for me is mainly because they have better bodies and are cuter then guys my age, in general. The age range to be exact was 19 to 57. I had about 35 different partners and only 3or 4 of them were over 40 and maybe less then 10 were over 30. That probable says much. Most of the time (about 80%), they came after me, not the other way around. In my case, if I find a guy sexy, I want him regardless of anything else (which is a rare thing anyways)... I ran into married guys, virgins and all in between. But the point I would like to make is there are no specific rules or patterns for this type of thing. I happen to be quite fit and not a bad looker (so I hear), which increases the odds of attracting any age group. I am quite open minded and easy-going which also is part of the magnet appeal. The last guy I ran into was 27 year old and we fell madly in love with each other (something I had given up on a while back)... I came back to Canada only to take care of a few things cuz I am moving to Thailand with my sweetheart and we are even planning to have a baby if nature allows it. I thing that there are a lot of misconceptions in your article and you come across as extremely old school. If you would meet me, you would be the first to want to hop in bed without even me encouraging it... Just because you'd want to prove something to yourself. I have turned down so many guys younger then me I can't even count them all. It's not about age, it's just about what turns you on... and if something beautiful comes out of it, it's a blessing for all I know. The trick is just not to expect much. If you are dying to get to know someone, have a go at it. What have you got to lose anyway. After 40, there is no time fuss and wonder - that lady at the end is just pure crazy to me. It is possible to love many times in your life, that I am sure of. I was going to write a book about cougaring cuz I'm so good at it but now I am starting to wonder if there is any point to that because of people like you and the ones you describe.

IP commented on May 03 07 at 6:25 pm

great...thought provoking story. there is goodness in mankind...and that the Creator has differentiated with the animal kingdom....the difference will be unless mankind desires to drown into the chaos of the animal kingdom.

s d commented on Jul 13 07 at 4:52 am

I found "Cougars' Night Out" insightful. Having recently dated someone 16 years my junior, I found the preceptions true, the predictions and assumptions accurate and the analogy that the relationship sought after by 'cougars' unmet real. I did not seek the relationship, but found it exciting and would have enjoyed it more deeply if the emotion had been reciprocated. It was more than he expected and could have been a wonderful friendship and passionate affair.

cmf commented on Sep 16 07 at 11:45 pm

Great article. Thank you

WG commented on Apr 17 08 at 11:33 pm

Although I have only had one relationship with a cougar, I would have to say that it was the best relationship out of all the ones that I had. I was (and currently am) 30, she was 49. I see the cougar as more date-able in my book because I seem to get along better with them, and just can't connect with the ones younger or around my age. Maybe I just feel like I'm in my 40's, so they seem much closer in age, as compared to some 20-something.

sb commented on Oct 22 08 at 12:28 pm

Where do you draw the age line? I'm 46, he's 26. When is the gap too grat???

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