The Remote Island by Bryan Christian Michael Phelps indulges Anderson Cooper in some watersports and Dexter makes a 'bitch move.' Plus: the secret of Tina Fey's scar, revealed!
Dating Advice From . . . Engineers by Steph Auteri Q. For optimal functionality, what should go into a first-date emergency kit? A. Fine wine, road flares, a snake-bite kit and Ghirardelli chocolates.
6. Dennis Rodman
Dennis Rodman's autobio, Bad As I Wanna Be (alternate title: As Typographically Erratic As I Wanna Be) features, unsurprisingly, a significant amount of sexual content, starting with the cover picture of a nude Rodman on a motorcycle, daintily cradling a basketball in his crotch. Besides chronicling Rodman's initial astonishment (and subsequent boredom) with women asking him to fuck them in front of their husbands and so forth, the book also goes into depth about Rodman's high-profile affair with Madonna. In their initial encounter, reports Rodman, Madonna asked him to eat her out ("Aren't you going to eat my pussy first?"), and he declined (Sixteen-point, bold: "I said NO to Madonna.") Luckily, he reports, "she got over it. She started stroking my shaft and getting into it, and before long I was inside her and we were fucking." But the relationship eventually fell apart, partly because Madonna was always talking about having Rodman's baby ("All the time, bro!") — PS
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5. Steve Garvey
With a photogenic family and well-documented trips to church every Sunday, San Diego Padres first baseman Steve Garvey built a reputation as baseball's gentleman — until it was revealed that he was everyone's padre. Within two years of his 1987 retirement from baseball, it was revealed he had fathered nine children by various women, inspiring a bumper sticker that read "Steve Garvey — father of our nation" and landing him a frequent spot on David Letterman's Top 10 lists (Example: Top 10 Provisions in the New Baseball Contract: 5. New expansion team made up of Steve Garvey's kids.) Ex-wife Cyndy Garvey, the Kelly Ripa of her day, came out with an autobiography that fed the scandal. A further note: we just tried to register www.sonsofstevegarvey.com; alas, the URL is already taken. — A. Chapman
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger .
California's governor spent his younger years as the gropingest bodybuilder in history, a legacy that's preserved thanks to the miracle of YouTube. Check out this video of the shirtless wonder as he grabasses his way through Carnival in Rio. He begins by getting drunk and remarking on the athleticism of the gyrating dancers, and it goes downhill from there as he tries to sodomize a woman with a carrot. Besides that, he holds the distinction of being the first American elected official to have posed nude. This is a man who every day is referred to as "the honorable." A lesson in how little the world really cares about how slutty you are. — A. Calhoun
3. Shawn Kemp
The Seattle Supersonics forward had no shortage of ladies; condoms were another matter entirely. A 1998 Sports Illustrated cover story reported that Kemp had fathered seven children by six different women. At that time, he was twenty-eight and single. As the years went by, the estimated number of children grew, with quoted figures ranging from twelve to nineteen. The reports gave life to a wave of blog jokes that, like Kemp's virility, seem to know no bounds. Now married with (more) children, Kemp says he's given up his dalliances with drugs and other women. As far as the SI article goes, he told Jet magazine, "A lot of it was true, and some of it wasn't," leaving both his fall from grace (and his number of heirs) a mystery. — NA
2. Joe DiMaggio
Where did he go? Everywhere! Besides his legendary tryst with Marilyn Monroe, Joltin' Joe was a frequent visitor to New York brothels (one whorehouse kept a special set of linens called "the DiMaggio sheets"), and an enthusiastic romancer of Misses America. In Richard Ben Cramer's biography Joe DiMaggio: The Hero's Life, 1951 Miss America Yolande Betbeze remembers finding a trashed DiMaggio sitting on a hotel staircase late one night, trying to talk a friend of hers into bed, with his pants open and (Cramer's words) "his member lying exposed upon his leg." Betbeze adds, "And that was the biggest thing you ever saw." Cramer's footnote only betters the story: "I told Yolande that I had always heard Joe's 'Louisville Slugger' ranked only second to the big shtick of Milton Berle. But on this subject Yolande was firm. 'Oh, no,' she said. 'Milton's was never that big.'" (We like a biographer who digs for the extra detail). Cramer also reports the recollections of burlesque artist Liz Renay, who remembers DiMaggio as "not only a good lover but a nice, likeable guy. He was a once-a-night lover, but as he so nicely put it, 'I only come once, but I last a long time.'"— PS
1. Wilt Chamberlain
He's that guy who slept with 20,000 women, right? Didn't he play a sport, too? In his autobiography A View From Above, Wilt Chamberlain cites the five-digit figure "not to impress. . . It's like when I played basketball — many of my numbers were so unbelievably high that most people dismissed them as fables or found them impossible to relate to. Hell, I've done a lot of things that are hard to believe." As he himself notes, the 20,000 figure works out to 1.2 women a day every day since he was fifteen. So how did he do it? Ah, you're thinking conventionally, Chamberlain fan! Sure, banging 20,000 women would take a while — if you banged them one at a time. The typical Chamberlain encounter seems to have been significantly more efficient; he describes a birthday party where he "was the only male in the company of fifteen ladies of, how shall i put it. . . of dubious taste." (We're imagining the ghostwriter pulling out a backup tape recorder at this point). "Yes," he goes on, "I got all but one before the rising of the sun. I wasn't able to enjoy the fifteenth birthday girl, but I did muster enough strength to sing her 'Happy Birthday.'" What a guy. — PS
, featuring curious yet marvelous infusions of cucumber and rose petal.
