Dating Advice From . . . Engineers by Steph Auteri Q. For optimal functionality, what should go into a first-date emergency kit? A. Fine wine, road flares, a snake-bite kit and Ghirardelli chocolates.
Say what you will about Ms. Spears, this 2001 video is permanently filed away in the dirty minds of straight men the world over. Intended to shift Spears's image from girl-next-door to depraved, totally accessible sex symbol, it was an unarguable success on that front, if only for a while.
9. B-52s, "Love Shack" (1989)
If a better time was ever had in a music video, we don't know when it was. The unrestrained exuberance seen here is not something often found on MTV. Campy sexual energy made groovy by way of pure, delightful geeking out.
8. George Michael, "Freedom! '90" (1984)
Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Tatjana Patitz and Christy Turlington are here to distract you from the fact that at no time does George Michael actually appear in this video (though a somewhat George Michael-ish looking double writhes in partial shadow). Michael's refusal to participate was part of a general rebellion at the time — he'd recently split from Wham!, and had had numerous conflicts with Sony Music over the production of his previous album, Listen Without Prejudice.
7. Chris Isaak, "Wicked Game" (1989)
If you don't remember this one, you're too young to be watching many of the videos on this list. Directed by Herb Ritts, it features a topless Isaak and a topless-but-never-totally-exposed Helena Christensen wrapped in each other's arms in teasing black-and-white. David Lynch directed an alternate, less-racy version comprised of scenes from his movie, Wild At Heart.
6. Billy Idol, "Cradle of Love" (1990)
During the time it aired, many guys considered this the sexiest video on MTV. Long imitated, never equaled, this utterly pointless story of a computer nerd who gets a visit from a hottie looking to show him some dance routines (huh?) features the sexiest split ever. Directed by David Fincher, who went on to glory with Seven, Fight Club, and Zodiac.
5. Aerosmith, "Cryin'" (1993)
A video so hot it made a movie star out of Alicia Silverstone. Some prefer the follow-up, "Crazy," with Alicia and Liv Tyler swimming in their underwear, but that always seemed like a rip-off of this one to us.
4. Madonna, "Justify My Love" (1990)
Banned by MTV and defended by Madonna on Nightline, "Justify My Love" eventually became the #1 video single of all time. And though we have no idea what a "video single" is, this clip probably best represents the '80s Madonna: all melodrama and angst, rubbing and writhing on the floor in a fit of uncontrollable lust. It all seems a little silly until you notice you're completely aroused.
3. Prince, "Little Red Corvette" (1983)
The split Prince does just before the two minute mark just might be the sexiest nanosecond in the history of the world. And we have it on good authority that Prince is pointing at you. Yes, you.
2. J. Geils Band, "Centerfold" (1980)
We're embarrassed to say this cheesy video was one of the reasons we turned on MTV late at night. Peter Wolf's homeroom girls are actually random dancers from a studio in the same building where the shoot took place, and no, MTV's original VJ Martha Quinn was not, as was long rumored, among them.
1. Robert Palmer, "Addicted To Love" (1985)
An argument for the ages: Is this Palmer's sexiest video, or does that honor belong to "Simply Irresistible"? After much debate, we settled on this one — a monument to '80s deadpan sexuality. The models, which appeared in three other Palmer videos, aren't even trying to look like they're playing the instruments. According to VH1's Pop-Up Video, a musician was hired to teach them basic guitar-fingering techniques, but gave up after an hour.
, featuring curious yet marvelous infusions of cucumber and rose petal.
