The Top 20 Internet Lists of 2009

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The internet is awash in lists. We’re sure that somewhere there’s a few billion government dollars being spent on why we humans have such a limitless appetite for all things numbered, but it’s no wonder we adore them: they’re fun, easily digested, often-trashy candy for the brain. But from the great swathes of pop-culture enumerations, some stand out like beacons in the foggy internet night. (Ahem: just a few glorious examples from Nerve.) Great online lists shock us, make us laugh, and teach us valuable lessons (flush the toilet before taking that sexting photo, m’kay?). The format may be grossly overexposed, but the best content deserves to be lauded. Here are the most outrageous, clever, and sexy catalogues of the year that was: the Top 20 Internet Lists of 2009*.

* Besides, of course, our own.

20) 5 Cats That Look Like Wilford Brimley
People who dress their cats in a sweater or refer to him as their son run the risk of being labeled a mental patient. Comparing a cat to the star of Cocoon and an insurance peddler, however, is nothing short of genius.

19) Top 10 Moments Caught on Google Maps Street View
Favorite Moment: LARPers caught on tape.

18) The Top 10 Strangest Lego Creations
Anyone who spends three months building anything with Legos is suspect, unless it results in a working air conditioner. Favorite Lego creation: Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

17) 11 Predictions That Back to the Future II Got Wrong and 11 Predictions That Back to the Back to the Future II Got Right
The 1989 flick imagined a 2015-world full of flying cars and food hydrators. What’d they get right?

16) The 14 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries
Celebrity Who Looks Most Like Robin Williams in Drag: Linda Evans.

15) The Funniest Protest Signs of 2009
Who knew Jesus mockers, lewd women and sports nuts were all going to hell?

14) The 10 Best TV Neighbors
Awesome list, despite it not answering the eternal question: how the heck did Growing Pains get away with naming a character Dicky "Boner" Stabone?

13) 25 Awesome Cubicle Pranks
This will give you a bunch of good ideas on how to get back at Larry from payroll.

12) 30 More Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians
Favorite Dude That Looks Like a Lesbian: Carrot Top, by a mile.

11) The Most Scandalous Network-TV Sex Scenes Ever
It’s both a blessing and a curse that Sipowicz and his bare ass did not make the list.

10) 10 Stories Behind Dr. Seuss Stories
By the time you get to Yertle the Turtle you’ll know that Dr. Seuss was one tough mutha.

9) The 8 Most Bizarre and Ridiculous Public-Access TV Shows
You know how you’ll watch someone on TV and suddenly get overcome with jealousy, knowing you’ll never have the talent or success of that person? None of the people on this list will make you feel that way.

8) The 20 Most Bizarre Craigslist Ads of All Time
Favorite Ad: "I took your purse and felt a connection." Perhaps not as romantic as playing In Your Eyes on a boom box outside of woman’s window, but if the relationship doesn’t work out you’ll probably still have her Visa.

7) The Top 5 Fake Bands
Any list that features both Jesse Katsopolis and Jordan Catalano is a list worth mentioning.

6) The 15 Best News Bloopers of All Time
This video list features NBC anchor Sue Simmons yelling the F word. ‘Nuff said.

5) The 7 Most Depressing Songs Ever Sung By a Muppet
Big Bird at Jim Henson’s memorial is equal parts sad, beautiful, and bad-acid trip.

4) 24 Sexual Things R. Kelly Wants, According to His New Mix-Tape, The Demo Tape
Best line from "Birthday Sex": "To have you scream ‘It hurts, it hurts!’ then have you concede that his lovemaking quenches your thirst, your thirst."

3) 11 Sexy Photos Totally Ruined by People in the Background and 11 Photos of People Totally Ruined by Sex in the Background
Four words of wisdom we will now always remember: Flush. The. Toilet. First.

2) YouTube Comment or ee cummings?
After reading this list you’ll come to the conclusion that people who comment on YouTube are grossly underrated poets or that e.e. cummings had an unreported phoning-it-in period. Favorite surprise e.e. cummings line: "There is some shit I will not eat."

1) 11 Things That Look Like Joe Jackson
Joe Jackson is creepier than the title character in Leprechaun. We don’t know how Tito and the boys ever fell asleep at night.