Trash auteur and filmmaking icon John Waters has just added another accomplishment to his long resume, in the form of A Date with John Waters, a mix CD out this week from New Line Records. (You can read his hilarious liner notes here.) Since we already did a career-spanning interview with Waters in 2004, we decided to try something a little different this time, and convinced the legendary director to answer your questions. The results are below.
Don't say Nerve.com never did anything for the people.
—Peter Smith
"What's the ideal date that this album soundtracks?" asks John, 24, from New York.
Well, we would rob a 7-Eleven, have a martini and come over to my house and listen to music, and I'd seduce you with my album.
That's a good answer. This is from Whitney, 22, in Boston: "In This Filthy World, you say not to fuck people you go home with if they have no books. I think this is wonderful and agree with it. But are there any books that if you saw them in someone's house, would immediately make you decide not to fuck them?"
promotion
The novelizations of the Rocky movies.
Lauren Burke, 23, from Chicago, asks, "My friends and I have made a couple T-shirts that we thought you might be interested in. One features a picture of Paris Hilton. Below it says 'She's no Edie Sedgwick,' which we stole from your 2004 interview with Nerve. Also, we have made matching Chicago Bears T-shirts that feature the three bears from A Dirty Shame. If you let me know your size, I would be happy to send a couple shirts to you."
I would say a regular large, and you send 'em where I get a certain kind of mail, Atomic Books in Baltimore. You can look them up online [We'll do it for you: 1100 W 36th St , Baltimore, MD. — Ed.]. It's a great bookshop, too, really radical books.
Jacob C., age 16, from Boise, asks, "I know you're a fan of the tabloids, and I was wondering if you've ever been in the National Enquirer or another one of our sleazier national tabloids?"
I have. My favorite time, though, was inadvertently. There was a picture of, what's her name, was married to Bruce Willis? Uh…
Demi Moore.
Demi Moore. The paparazzi got a shot of her, and she just happened to be carrying Crackpot, my book. And I was so thrilled when I saw it. That's my favorite time I was in the Enquirer. There was one article, I don't remember if it was the Enquirer, that said, "Is Johnny Depp Gay?" Because at the height of Pirates of the Caribbean they had to come up with something. They found some interview that we did twenty years ago, when we were doing Cry-Baby, where Johnny said, "I'm not gay, but if I was, I'd be with John." It was the most pitiful research they could do. I laughed about it, and I think Johnny would have, too.
Miss Blondage, 32, from L.A., says, "I would love to read Mr. Waters wax on a bit about porn and all the obscenity bullshit."
Unfortunately, some hetero porn today is obscene. I forget what they call it, but they just show loads of come in girls' asses, which is really unsafe. As an AIDS activist I find that appalling. That is obscene to me, because it's a snuff movie. I'm also kind of amazed at the "extreme blowjobs" genre, where they hold girls' noses and fuck their mouths, and the girls are puking and stuff. Now there's a gay one called "Gag the Fag." Which made me laugh out loud when I saw the box, but it is rather extreme that this has become a genre of porn.
Someone who didn't give his name writes, "I seem to recall a John Waters quote to the effect that a Puritanical education in Catholic schools was a good thing, and that he was grateful for his own conservative upbringing because it made sex dirty and shameful and therefore more fun."
Well, I sort of said that. I said that being brought up Catholic makes sex better because it will always be dirty. I went to a Catholic high school, Christian Brothers, and it was terrible. They discouraged every interest I had. I wish I had quit school at sixteen. I would have made one more movie. It may be different today, but when I went there, it was the opposite of what's supposed to happen when you go to school. When you go to school, you're supposed to be inspired. It was the opposite. So I certainly am not glad I went to that Catholic school. I mean, I'm not sitting around pissed about it, I don't care, it's over with, but I certainly have never been to a reunion and have no desire to.
Mariko from Denton, Texas, asks, "You've said there are just as many rules you rebel against in the gay world as in the straight one. What rules do you feel constrained by and what are you consciously rebelling from?"
Well, certainly, this gym-body look. Certainly. And in many ways some of the gay people are more middle-class than my parents. They want money, they want a fancy car, and the only thing they do that is at all strange is what they do in the bedroom. I mean, I don't think it's strange, but compared to what the middle-class does. Being gay used to mean being an outlaw, it used to mean you were bohemian, it used to be that you embraced your lunacy rather than trying to imitate the boring life of suburban middle America. I don't want to live there, gay or straight. I mean, sometimes it was more fun when a gay bar got raided by the police — at least something happened!
Mariko has a few more questions. "Who was the actor or actress you hated working with the most?"
I didn't hate any of them. I wouldn't have hired them. I have meetings before, and I can usually tell if an actor or actress takes themselves too seriously or doesn't have a sense of humor. And I know they'll never make it through me with a movie. It's hard to make my movies — we don't have a lot of money, we have to shoot them quickly, there's always a bond company looking over my shoulder. I'm very serious when I make a movie. I have to get it done. So I weed those out. I think I have a pretty good relationship with almost everybody that's been in my movies. I'm still friends with lots of them.
"Who had the best hair?"
I guess Johnny Depp had the best hair in real life. Debbie Harry always had pretty good hair. She always featured her hairdo heavily in real life. I would pick those two.
"What is the most filthy, vile, and disgusting thing you've personally ever heard of or thought of? Does the wide availability of subversive information on the internet play a role in this?"
Well, I think that's where I heard about blossoms, which I found especially repellant. Which is where men — well, I guess women, but I've only found men — have been fist-fucked so much that their anuses are outside of their ass, like a cauliflower. And they compare who has the biggest blossom. I found that fairly appalling.
Jesus Christ.
[laughs] I don't think that's been topped. I've heard about "ultimate nudity," which I don't know is real or not; some men, probably in Los Angeles, where it would seem to be more appropriate, have the skin of their testicles removed and replaced with clear plastic on the theory that it's more erotic to see how the sperm is made. I've never seen that, but I hope that's true.
